


Escape and Redemption

by Mster70



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family Feels, Fix-It, Fluff, Gray Jedi, Knights of Ren - Freeform, Loss of Virginity, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-08 01:46:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 66,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5478740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mster70/pseuds/Mster70
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just as surely as he knew his path had changed, he knew that he and this girl had some sort of a bond - he was pulled inexorably to her and she to him. He didn’t know if he would be able to live without her now that he had been inside her head and felt the pangs of loneliness and despair like an exact match to his own.</p><p>“We have to leave now. Follow my lead and try to trust me,” he intones, his baritone voice loud in the relative quiet of the interrogation room. Now if only I could manage to trust myself, he thinks gravely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovely readers! I know it took me FOREVER to get these rewrites done - but when I was reading through the fic to work on chapter ten, I realized that I really wasn’t happy with the original in terms of the number of mistakes and some of the language and style I used. I was so pumped when I started writing this fic that I didn’t take as much time with it as I do with my writing now, and unfortunately I feel like that showed through in the original, so I went back for some major clean up! This is still entirely unbeta’d, so if there are any mistakes that still snuck their way past me, I apologize.
> 
> There aren’t any hugely significant plot changes, but obviously a lot of things have been tweaked - i.e. my realization that Kylo Ren was/is not a Sith, so all that was changed to Knight of Ren instead. There’s been a few additions to fill in “gaps” in some of the chapters as well. I would recommend a re-read if you’ve already read part or all of what’s posted, just because I feel like it flows much better now - although obviously I’m a bit biased, haha :) 
> 
> This was the first fic I ever put up online, and I was (and still am) overwhelmed and really grateful for the positive response it’s gotten - and that’s why I wanted to make sure I felt like it was worthy of all the kind comments and kudos it’s received, and took my time with the rewrites and final chapters.  
> I also wanted to get the fic wrapped up without long gaps in between the last few updates, so I decided to finish to whole thing before posting chapter ten - that way, you’ll only have to wait a day in between the last few installments and hopefully that’s worth the tradeoff of my not having updated in a month XD  
> I want to thank anyone and everyone who has read, left kudos, or commented. Your support is and has been so appreciated, especially those who have been following this fic from the beginning. You’re all the best, and I really hope you enjoy rewritten version and last few chapters of Escape and Redemption!

Kylo Ren likes to think he had been prepared for a number of different outcomes when he captured the scavenger girl in the forests of Takodana. His years spent in the First Order had proven just how predictable those within the regime could be, its leaders working like a well-oiled, if a bit repetitive, machine.  

He knows with certainty that General Hux will be angry at him for leaving behind the all-important droid - because Hux is a rigid and obedient to the point of cowardice, the type who won’t ever take a risk or think outside the box because he’s too afraid of the ramifications if things don’t turn out well. His master, Supreme Leader Snoke, might feel the need to punish his apprentice if he thought he had erred in choosing to take the girl and call off their search then and there - but punishment was something Snoke dealt to Kylo freely and frequently, and although the Knight of Ren did not enjoy it by any means, he had come to accept it. 

Or, Kylo might have been able to get the missing map data from the girl’s head quickly and efficiently, be well rewarded by his Master, and in turn be able to rub his victory in Hux’s smarmy face. He should have known better than to think it could ever be that simple. 

One possibility he had never considered was that this scrawny, dirty, desert-dwelling  _ girl _ would not only be Force-sensitive, but be strong enough e _ ven completely untrained _ to push back his forceful interrogation methods, delve into his own mind, and discover his deepest and darkest fear. That he would somehow be possessed to take off his mask - one of the only pieces of safety and security left for him in the galaxy - and make himself exposed and  _ vulnerable _ in her presence. 

Strapped to a metal chair, restrained and completely as his mercy, the girl has  _ no right _ to hold such sway over him, the leader of the Knights of Ren. Gloved hand outstretched like a beast’s claw, he continues to probe at her mind, teeth grit and sweat starting to bead on the back of his neck. 

“You -- you're afraid -- that you’ll never be as strong as  _ Darth Vader _ !” she spits out at him with a surprising amount of contempt for someone so small. Kylo’s reaction is instant and visceral, and try as he might to hide it from her, he can see the flicker of triumph cross her face as his grip over her falters and he stumbles backwards a step. He expects to feel furious at her words, to launch into a blind rage of mindless destruction with his saber and the Force, but instead he’s filled with something else entirely.

It shakes him to his core and makes all of his previous doubts about where he belongs in the galaxy come back to the forefront of his mind in one terrifying instant. 

When he’s in her head,  _ inside her _ , he can feel her potential. She has strength with the Force that she hadn’t even recognized, power raw and untamed that he’s afraid to admit might rival his own - and she is so _ light _ , bright enough to burn if he looked too long. 

Reaching deeper into her mind, he’s struck with a loneliness and despair that matches his own so strongly it makes him ache. She understands abandonment, understands the frustration of having control of your own life ripped from your grasp. In so many ways, Kylo Ren and this scavenger girl are  _ nothing _ alike; they are fighting on opposite sides of the war, aligned with opposite sides of the Force. Still, he can’t help but feel a connection to her tugging at him as though they’re being pulled together by something greater than themselves. 

The link he can already sense should be smothering, should feel  _ wrong _ , but instead leaves an odd taste in his mouth and a pulse of something like  _ hope _ . A part of him, and he has to admit it’s not a particularly small part, might just dare to believe this girl is a way out of the living nightmare that was the First Order, the Knights of Ren, and the dark side.

 

* * *

 

Rey had not expected to wake up restrained to a metal chair, face to face with the masked man who had managed to track her down in the forests of Takodana and apparently take her captive. With the way the past few days have been going, though, she probably shouldn’t be too surprised.

In an attempt to calm her nerves, she tries to reason that surely she’s been in worse situations before this. The types of things she had faced on Jakku had often been difficult and trying both physically and mentally, but she realizes dimly that even the most dangerous or frightening situations she had faced there were child’s play compared to the magnitude of  _ this _ . The restraints, the bare and cold steel room, and the quiet fury emanating in waves off of the masked figure all screamed  _ pain _ and _ torture _ , but she was determined to not break. She would be strong enough to not let Han, Chewbacca, Finn, and the Resistance down.

He taunts her, needling at her resolve as she takes deep breaths and tries to calm her hammering pulse. She’ll grasp and claw at any weakness she can find in an attempt to tear him down, to somehow try and even the playing field. Perhaps it’s dangerous to taunt the man, and something in the back of her head niggles that it might be best not to provoke his anger, but she refuses to go down without a fight. Rey steels herself and retorts back at him, calling him a coward for hiding behind a mask, questioning what he might have to hide. 

She wanted to inflame him, but instead he hesitates for only a few heartbeats before reaching behind his head, the seal on his black and chrome helmet releasing with a quiet  _ hiss _ . He pulls the hunk of durasteel and leather off his head, and meets her eyes dead on. Rey is more than shocked to see the face of a young man, and a  _ handsome _ one at that. His emotions flicker across his features nearly too quickly for her to interpret.  _ No wonder he wears a mask _ , she can’t help but think,  _ his face is like an open book _ . He’s clearly conflicted about something, face unable to settle on one expression; doubt and fear and anger all seem to play across his features in equal measure. 

Seeing how  _ human _ this man is behind his mask gives her a heady strength. He’s only a young man - and she had certainly stood up against more frightening people than him on Jakku. She braces herself against the restraints, although she isn’t sure for what, when he reaches out one leather-gloved hand. She’d been expecting a physical attack, but instead she feels him claw his way into in her mind, pain blossoming in her head. Rey’s determined not to be broken, she’s  _ stronger _ than this. Pulling on some well inside herself, the girl channels  _ something _ to fight back against his invasion, to push against some formless, invisible energy inside and around herself and eventually break through to the other side.

The unmasked man’s consciousness floods into her own head, a disorienting a rush of sensations and thoughts overwhelming her. She doesn’t know what she’s doing, never imagined something like this could ever be  _ possible _ , but the unnamed power settling in her gut seems to nudge her in different directions as she skirts through the dark-haired man’s mind.

Along the surface of his psyche, she gleans his name -  _ Kylo Ren _ \- as images flicker past in her mind’s eye - the man’s recent memories. She’s kneeling in front of a terrifying, huge hologram of a scarred and twisted man -  _ Supreme Leader Snoke _ , his mind automatically supplies to her -  then the image shifts so she’s standing in front of a group of masked figures -  _ the Knights of Ren _ \- wielding a wicked assortment of weapons and hanging on every strangely modulated word that issues from behind her mask. The images fade away into incoherency, bursts of emotion or blurs of thoughts and memories. What she sees and feels in his mind frightens and saddens her in equal measure - flashes of a life of fear, doubt, loneliness and pain that are pushed back behind anger and hatred. 

Barreling through his mind at a reckless speed now that she’s gained her footing, she also senses glimmers of happiness, safety, and comfort - of  _ belonging _ and feeling loved. It stops her short - her goal had been to dig something out to crush this monster with, but now she’s seen a spark of something decidedly  _ not monstrous _ inside of him, and it’s too late to go back. The emotions she feels through him secondhand are foreign to her, a quiet yearning echoing through her own mind as she thinks about how long ago it was she had felt those things herself. Rey grasps for something concrete, perhaps the source of the emotions, but it’s as though the memories have purposely been buried so deeply that she can hardly sense they ever existed - but the remembered emotions are so strong now, they’re almost tangible. It’s apparent that no matter how hard this man fights to force the light out of himself, part of him still desperately clings to those scraps of feeling, even as he tries to burn away the memories associated with them.

In the deepest corner of his mind, she senses a pulse of darkness that seems to stem from a single point, a single deep-seated  _ fear _ . She wrenches it out of him, dragging it to the surface. When she voices the one thing he’d tried his whole life to hide the deepest and push the farthest away, their battle seems for a few moments to become a stalemate. The tension in the air is heavy and electric, and Rey knows she has to take her chance now or lose it forever. 

“There’s good in you, yet - and I know you can feel it just as well as I can,” she says quietly so as not to spur the volatile man into any sudden or violent action. “I know you doubt whether you really belong with the First Order, and that you just want to go  _ home _ , wherever that is.”

The unmasked Knight looks at her, stricken and afraid, but thankfully not outwardly angry.  _ Or at least not yet, _ she thinks. 

“You can’t possibly pretend to know what is it I do or do not  _ want _ -” he chokes out, visibly struggling with himself as emotions flicker over his features.

“Escape from here with me,” she offers.

He couldn’t believe the girl was offering to help him escape the First Order - as if someone could simply run away from the Knights of Ren, run away from the far reaches of the Order’s regime. 

_ But it has been done, hasn’t it? _ his mind supplies, the thought coming unbidden as he scrabbles to show composure in front of the little scavenger. The stormtrooper had deserted and was still at large, and Kylo himself had turned his back on the light side once before, as his grandfather had before him, so why not turn again and just  _ leave _ this place?

_ Snoke and General Hux will pursue you to the ends of the galaxy with all the power of the First Order behind them, for one thing, _ he thinks. But he knows this is also a chance, maybe the only he would ever get. He had always known somewhere in the back of his mind that this could be an option - he wasn’t under any illusion that the Resistance or his family would have a place for him, but there were backwater planets and places a man could hide if he truly needed to.

A small and desperate part of him thought that maybe they could find Luke and he could have his old Master back. He could train under his uncle again, and have a mentor that didn’t inflict pain on a regular basis and make him kill innocents and keep him like a slave. But he was afraid to hope.

Wasn’t that type of fear exactly what he wanted to run from in the first place? Kylo had forsaken Luke’s little “Jedi Order” because he was sick of living with the gnawing anxieties - that he wouldn’t be good enough or strong enough or live up to his family’s legacy - Snoke had told him that the dark side would make him the master of his fears. In reality, he had come to feel even more like the dark emotions controlled him instead.

Most concerning might be what would happen if he didn’t leave. He knew that the Supreme Leader will no longer have a use for him in the not-too-distant future - Snoke had hinted at his displeasure with his apprentice and Kylo’s expendable nature on more than one occasion. He didn’t relish the idea of being discarded like so much trash - but unless he managed to kill his Master first, there didn’t seem to be a way out of that eventuality. While he dreaded what could go wrong in an escape and the ramifications if it failed, somehow he knew that staying here would turn out worse in the end. Something shifts within Kylo suddenly and he knows his mind had been made up. The doubts that had been creeping in the back of his mind and growing there insidiously for years have finally won out.

Just as surely as he knew his path had changed, he knew that he and this girl had some sort of a bond - he was pulled inexorably to her and she to him. He didn’t know if he would be able to live without her now that he had been inside her head and felt the pangs of loneliness and despair like an exact match to his own.

“We have to leave now. Follow my lead and try to trust me,” he intones, his baritone voice loud in the relative quiet of the interrogation room. _ Now if only I could manage to trust myself, _ he thinks gravely.

 

* * *

 

 

Their escape from Starkiller Base had not been the whirlwind, white-knuckle flight that Rey had expected. Instead, it had turned out to be as simple as Kylo knocking her out with the Force, carrying her to a ship and convincing Captain Phasma that the girl was going to lead him to the droid they needed, whether she was aware of it or not. Or at least that’s what he  _ told _ Rey, and for now she was inclined to believe him. It seemed a bit  _ too  _ easy, but from what she knew Kylo Ren was extremely high-ranking in the First Order, so she supposes very few would be willing to question the man about his objectives, let alone try and stop him. As long as they made a clean break from the Base she wasn’t going to question it.

The tall man had since changed out of his heavy black robes and mask and now wore a no-nonsense pilot’s uniform that he had found in one of the ship’s holds. The change in clothing, as simple as it was, seemly made him infinitely more at ease and was certainly doing the same for Rey, who had been beyond eager to see that awful mask gone.

“We need to get rid of this ship. The First Order will be able to track us down once they realize I’m not coming back - we can go back to Takondana and try to find another ship there. That way it will at least look like we’re returning for the droid. I hope you aren’t above stealing a ship, if it comes to that,” he explains without preamble as soon as he had finished recounting what she had missed during the handful of minutes she’d been unconscious. 

“You don’t think you’ll be recognized immediately, or that the ship will be shot down before we can even land?” she asks, eyebrow quirked in skepticism. Again, his plan seemed a bit too straightforward to work. Though, she had to concede that between the two of them, Kylo was the one who would be able to anticipate the First Order’s reactions.

“Not if we open communication immediately and you tell them that you managed to steal a ship from the First Order. Also, I find it unlikely that anyone would recognize me without the mask or robes,” he supplies, voice sounding strangely distant suddenly, as though he's remembered something long forgotten.

Rey nods and goes back to tweaking the ship’s controls from the co-pilot seat. If nothing else,  _ this _ is how she can feel useful and at ease - piloting has always been second nature to her. Glancing up from the blinking panel occasionally, she can’t help but notice how different Kylo Ren looks without his usual black garments; somehow the man manages to still exude a quiet power even with his Knight of Ren garb stripped away. As they set their course to Takodana, Rey tries and fails to not stare at Kylo and pretend that she isn’t affected by his looks or their proximity in the close quarters of the ship’s cockpit.

After a short flight, the blue and green planet comes into view and Rey feels her pulse spike with the memory of what had so recently happened there. The shock of discovery when she had found the lightsaber, the disappointment at Finn’s decision to leave, the fear she had felt being chased by the masked man who now sat next to her - it all replays in her mind in fast forward and she has to take a calming breath to steady herself. 

She hadn’t been present to see how the battle had ended, but she has a feeling things must have died down quickly if Kylo was suggesting they return there to steal another ship. Once they’re within communications range, Rey opens up the craft’s comm line and is surprised to find there’s no response from the planet below them. 

As it turns out, acquiring another ship on Takodana is surprisingly simple. Kylo brings down their small shuttle in a clearing not far from the now-decimated ruins, lowering the ramp and striding out with a hand on his saber hilt. The tall man motions Rey to keep walking towards an abandoned-looking ship a short distance away. She gives him a quizzical look but does as he says, waking a few minutes but whipping around when she hears an explosion. There’s a flash of light and Rey can make out large pieces of durasteel flying off from the blast - Kylo must have destroyed their first escape ship, then. The dark-haired man jogs up to her a few seconds later, one corner of his mouth pulled up in something between a smirk and a grimace. “Thermal detonator. Should throw them off our trail for awhile, I think,” he says, continuing to walk towards their next ship with quick and long strides. She nods and falls into step with him, jogging a bit to keep up with the man as they move through the near-silent forest.

They reach the ship and find it just as abandoned as it had looked from a distance, Rey taking a quick walk around the craft to make sure there weren't any glaring signs of damage or mechanical issues. The craft is small and looks a little dinged up, but overall in very good condition - most importantly, it’s an unmarked craft with no Republican or First Order emblems. Satisfied with her inspection, Rey joins Kylo who has already opened the ramp and entered the ship, probing at the control panel in an attempt to start the takeoff sequence.

Nothing about their current situation is funny, but Rey still finds herself stifling a laugh as the dark-haired man scowls at the blinking lights like he can intimidate the ship into flying itself. Kylo Ren excels at many things, but apparently piloting is not one of them. Rey gently pushes at the tall man’s shoulder, directing him away from the ship’s controls so she can run the craft through its takeoff procedure and get them out of the system and as far away from the First Order as possible. 

Once they’re out of the planet’s atmosphere, Rey concedes the pilot’s seat to Kylo a bit grudgingly. He may not be much of a pilot, but she realizes that for now she’s going to have to trust his plan - assuming that he even has one. As much as she knows about spacecraft, her knowledge of space systems and navigation within them is woefully small. Settling into the co-pilot’s seat, she wonders where exactly Kylo is planning on taking them. She isn’t sure if she can trust him enough yet to lead him back to the Resistance’s base on D’Qar, but she can’t think of anywhere else that might be safe for them. 

“Kylo, where are we going?” she asks tentatively, somewhat afraid of what his answer might be. She’s suddenly unable to sit still under the combined tension of not knowing their next step and the palpable tension that somehow just exists between them as a baseline. 

“I had hoped that you might have a suggestion. I haven’t known a home outside of the First Order for what seems like an eternity now, and the few places I do remember from  _ before _ won’t offer us any welcome,” he replies, glancing over to her with worry in his dark eyes. Rey can tell it’s difficult for him to show this uncertainty to her. He’s clearly a man who is used to being in command, and to suddenly be forced surrender control and admit his uncertainty would be understandably grating, she thinks.

Rey wrestles with herself internally as she meets his gaze. The ramifications of taking him to the Resistance base if his loyalties still lie with the First Order could be disastrous. She has little to no reason to really trust this man, but being in his mind given her a gut feeling that Kylo really is being honest, the terror in his mind over his decision and its implications the most telling to her. She didn’t think he could fake  _ that _ , at least. She has no expectation that he’ll suddenly change his whole alignment with the dark side in the course of a day, or even a year. The darkness within him is inherent and Rey had felt it as soon as she had been face-to-face with the man, but it was undeniable that he had lightness within him as well. Maybe being dark didn’t have to be the same as being evil - if he could control himself and his anger, direct it away from causing pain and destruction. She isn’t sure, but right now she doesn’t have the luxury of making complex moral judgements - her options are severely limited.

“I’ll set us on a course to the Ileenium system where there’s a Resistance base. I can’t think of anywhere else for us to go, either. Jakku was my only home, but there’s nothing there for either of us now,” she responds after making up her mind. They have quite a bit of time before they would arrive in the system yet, and in the worst possible scenario she thinks she could change course or bring them to another planet in the system instead of the base at D'Qar. Leading him to the Ileenium system didn’t necessarily mean she’s leading him to the base, surely. Rey just hopes she isn’t making a fatal mistake.


	2. Chapter 2

   

Kylo hasn’t been able to keep his eyes off of the scavenger for more than a few minutes at a time since they took off from Takondana on their borrowed transport craft. The girl is dirty, sweaty, dressed in some sort of raggy desert garb, and still the ex-Knight of Ren feels completely captivated with her. He’s quickly moving beyond the point of questioning  _ anything _ about the situation, though. He can’t remember ever wanting anything or  _ anyone  _ so fiercely in his entire life; it’s all-consuming. Whatever had come over him during her interrogation on Starkiller Base had him in an unrelenting grip. It was as though the focus of the whole galaxy had shifted, and for some reason Kylo Ren can’t bring himself to care.

He wants her more than he had ever wanted the power he had thought the dark side would bring him, more than he had wanted to follow in his grandfather’s footsteps and complete the work he had started. It isn’t only physical, either - although he can't deny the fierce  _ want _ that’s coiled in the pit of his belly. He wants to know her in every possible way, feel her joy and share her sadness and fill the void of  _ loneliness  _ in her that echoes his own so strongly. He wants to have a future with her, and teach her in the ways of the Force. He can already envision them, side by side and so unstoppable with the combination of their power that even Supreme Leader Snoke can’t stand a chance against them.

Mostly, though, he just wants to protect her. The link to her that’s taken root in his mind - in his  _ soul _ , it feels like - has made it clear that living his life without her is no longer a viable option. And if he thinks they have to take apart the First Order piece-by-piece to keep her safe, then so he’ll do it with his bare hands if he needs to.

Her presence next to him is an odd mix of soothing and unsettling. Something about being in close proximity to her feels  _ right _ in a way that radiates down to his bones, but there are so many unknowns when it comes to this girl and their bond that Kylo can’t help but feel uneasy about the situation and what lies ahead. The girl -  _ Rey _ , he corrects himself - seems to feel much the same. Through the nebulous bond between them, he can feel a conflicted swirl of emotions, but the strongest seems to be curiosity.  Kylo has caught her pointedly trying not to stare several times now; she isn’t the most subtle and even when he’s turned away from her, the heat of her gaze is a palpable thing on the back of his neck. 

Once Rey’s finished with setting their course, there won’t be any piloting that needs to be done and Kylo can’t help but wonder what they’ll occupy themselves with over the 12-odd hours of hyperspace travel time. It seems fairly likely that things could grow tense or awkward between them once the adrenaline and purposefulness of their flight from Starkiller Base wears off. 

Unbidden, his mind goes to places that are probably quite unfit considering the span of time they’ve known each other and the type of situation they’re in. Regardless of the appropriateness, though, an image comes of his mind of the two of them tangled together in one of the ship’s bunks - sweaty, sated, and slotted tightly together in order to fit on the narrow cot. Kylo pulls up his mental shields quickly - despite the fact that Rey’s untrained and probably wouldn’t be probing at his consciousness right now, he doesn’t want the mental picture to slip over their bond and ruin the fragile-feeling peace they have between them. They were nemeses not three hours past, and Kylo’s already resolved to do all he can to keep them from going back to that point now or ever again.

He’s startled out of his reverie by Rey clearing her throat loudly in the relative silence of the ship’s cockpit. She hesitates only a breath before asking him an unexpected question - “What’s your real name, Kylo?” The ex-Knight of Ren knows his face betrays his conflicted emotions at her words, and she hurriedly adds - “Kylo Ren isn’t your real name, is it? I’m sorry, I guess I just didn’t think you’d want to use that name anymore now that you’ve -- doesn’t it feel  _ tainted _ to you?”

As much as Kylo agrees, somehow his  _ real  _ name - the one his parents had given him, the one he had grown up hearing alongside their affectionate words, the one Master Luke had called him by during his Jedi training - seems even more tainted and painful for him. What he had been called  _ before _ reminds him of what he had lost -  _ who  _ he had lost - when he had forsaken the light.  _ But I need to start thinking in terms of what I am going to  _ gain  _ back,  _ he thinks,  _ or the despair will swallow me whole again. _ A part of him feels like it’s too much to expose his real, vulnerable self to her at this moment; things are still too fresh and surreal and raw. He considers brushing off her question, until he realizes how entangled they are with each other now. When he thinks about the way he wants her - thinks about his desire to gain the trust of this girl with so much bravery and so much light - his mind is made up. 

“Ben. My name is Ben,” he replies, voice quiet and eyes averted from her too-earnest gaze. He tries to keep the tears out of his eyes at the admission, but Ben knows he is ultimately powerless against it after the emotional whirlwind of the past day. The tall man turns away from her quickly, worried and afraid to show yet another crack in his once-impenetrable facade to her.  _ She must think there’s no end to my weaknesses. _

He’s shifting away and moving out of his chair to get out of the cockpit, to get some space to  _ breathe _ , when he feels her small hand close over his wrist. Kylo’s heart leaps up into his throat at the contact, the first time he’s felt her skin on his own. Without a trace of hesitation, Rey reaches across her co-pilot’s chair to gently cup his cheek and turn his face towards her, and he knows he can't hide the tears, or anything, from her anymore.

“Thank you for sharing that with me, Ben,” she starts, and Kylo -  _ Ben,  _ he thinks,  _ I’m Ben now,  _ feels intoxicated by her closeness. The feeling of her skin on his and the depth of emotion in her eyes overwhelms him so quickly he can't think straight --

And then, he’s kissing her. It feels like he’s not in control of his own body, like he’s underwater or free floating in space. How they had gotten to this point, who had closed the gap of space between them, he can’t even be sure. His nerves are sparking wildly at every little point of contact between them, body suddenly hyperaware. His heart hammers wildly in his chest and the fear that maybe she doesn’t want this like he does surges up - Ben starts to pull back when the hand she has on his face slides up into his hair and  _ grabs _ . Rey starts to return the kiss with a desperate edge, the whisper of lips turning quickly into teeth and tongue and Ben’s dawning realization that he has no idea what he’s doing with  _ any  _ of this. 

They’ve turned their pilot’s chairs to face each other in the cockpit, but the angle is still awkward and there’s entirely too much  _ space  _ between them, Ben thinks. He feels like he isn’t close enough, can’t  _ ever  _ be close enough to this girl that feels somehow like the missing piece of his soul. Without second-guessing himself, he grabs Rey’s waist and tugs her into his chair, using the slightest push from the Force to aid him along. Once she’s in his arms, over him and around him and their bond making him feel like she’s  _ in  _ him somehow, Ben knows nothing ever has, or ever  _ will _ , feel so right to him as this.

 

* * *

 

Rey doesn’t know where this is going, and doesn’t know where she wants to it go - her past experiences of this kind are nearly non-existent. She  _ does  _ know, like she knows how to  breathe, that being this close to Ben makes her feel as though something she hadn't even been sure was missing inside her has suddenly slotted into place. 

Her body seems to be running on pure instinct and adrenaline - she’s helpless to fight it and finds herself very much okay with that fact. She straddles him as best as she can in the cramped pilot’s chair, which clearly hadn’t been designed with dual occupancy in mind. When she shifts and feels his hardness underneath her for the first time, Rey lets out a groan to match Ben’s, the sound almost obscenely loud in the quiet cockpit. Something urgent sparks inside of her then, sending a rush of warmth and wetness between her legs as starts grinding against him in earnest. 

Tanned arms go around his neck and she tilts her head back to give him access to her throat. Ben noses at the hollow behind her ear, then drops his mouth to the column of her neck, littering the skin there with open-mouthed kisses and bites that are just on the edge of pleasure-pain. She revels in the marks he’ll surely leave, wanting to feel  _ owned  _ by him. Rey resolves to give as good as she gets later, another spike of arousal moving through her at the mental image of his neck and collarbones mottled with angry red splotches. As if in response to the thought, he pulls back and gives her a look that’s dizzying in its intensity.

_ Mine,  _ he pushes at her mind with the Force, gently at first, then more strongly as she pushes right back into the intrusion instead of pulling away. Rey lets him slip into her mind, accompanying the mental action with a rough nip to his lower lip. She already feels like Ben’s presence in her mind and around her body is achingly  _ familiar _ , psyches slotting together as easily as their bodies were now. With their minds linked, Rey can  _ taste _ how desperate Ben is for her - he’s so starved for touch and affection that their contact is like a drug to him. The arousal emanating off of Ben is enough to send another wave of heat through Rey’s core, throbbing between her legs growing more insistent with each passing moment. Over their bond, she pushes her own desire back at him strongly, feeling his cock jump under her as she does so. Ben threads a large hand into her hair, fingers scrabbling at her scalp as he works the ties from her hair and lets it loose to cascade just above her shoulders. 

Rey sucks at Ben’s plush bottom lip as she moves above him, hips swiveling as she grinds their clothed sexes together. Even through the layers of fabric, she can feel the heat of him and the friction over her clit is enough to send sparks up her spine. Ben sets his teeth to her neck again, worrying at a spot just below her jaw, occasionally breaking away to pant against her skin or mutter curses under his breath.  

They’re caught in a dizzying feedback loop of sensation; if she really focuses, Rey can simultaneously feel Ben’s solid body underneath her and her own body on top of him as it must feel for Ben. It’s infinitely arousing but far too intense, and neither of them can hold the contact for long. The tall man reaches a hand up to her hair again, pushing their foreheads together and capturing her lips in a bruising kiss as they reluctantly pull back from each other’s minds and shift the focus to their insistent bodies.

Ben reaches his hands down to cup her ass, squeezing at the flesh before he surges up from the pilot’s seat suddenly, taking Rey with him as she instinctively wraps her legs around his waist to stay put. Neither bother to break their kiss as Ben reaches out with the Force to find the nearest (and preferably padded) horizontal surface in the ship. Carrying her through the narrow halls of the craft, they eventually make it to the closest crew’s quarters - it might have been a quicker journey had Ben not paused so often to push Rey against the wall, sucking on her tongue or panting into her mouth as he ruts against her core.

Once they’re through the door of the quarters, he hesitates at the foot of the narrow cot for a few heartbeats, suddenly seeming unsure. Rey nods once at him, knowing that there will be time for finding a more comfortable place  _ later _ . Ben kneels on the bed and sets her down with surprising gentleness; he pulls back to give Rey a long, searching look which she returns unflinchingly.

“I... don’t know what I’m doing, Rey,” he admits, voice low and already sounding wrecked with arousal. He pushes one large hand through his hair nervously as he continues, earnest words rasped out as he grabs at her hand to intertwine her smaller fingers with his. “I want you so  _ much  _ but I’m so terrified of hurting you or doing something stupid and ruining this. I can’t be without you anymore and that scares me too,” Somehow she knows he isn’t just talking about the here and now - and she can't deny the dark he still holds inside of himself scares her, too. 

How could she possibly guarantee at this moment that this incredibly powerful man, who had been her enemy not four hours before, could be completely trusted? Her gut instinct told her he was changing, something in him had already changed. His admission itself spoke volumes about how careful he wanted to be with her, that he wanted to make sure he was doing things right by her.

“Shhh, you won’t hurt me, Ben,” she reassures gently as she extricates her fingers from his, instead threading them into his dark curls and pulling his mouth to hers for a kiss. Her other arm reaches to pull him down onto her, the warm weight of his body slotting over her own perfectly. She doesn’t know what the future will hold for them, but somehow instinctually she knows in  _ this  _ he would never harm her.

Her hands search for the closures in his borrowed pilot’s uniform and once she chances upon a zipper, she starts to remove the jacket and tight-fitting shirt underneath. Nimble fingers divest him of the jacket, tossing the garment off the cot with the tight undershirt following soon after. She gently pushes at one broad shoulder, and Ben obligingly lifts up so Rey can get a better look at him. Her vision is filled with his pale, broad-shouldered, and well-muscled torso - he’s scattered with moles and a dark swath of hair leads down temptingly into his trousers. She’s struck with the overwhelming desire to touch and explore the warm expanse of his skin. 

She sees the scars and bruises next, relics from battles or punishments endured both far in the past and she guesses as recently as a few days ago. She pushes insistently at his shoulder again, turning him under her on the narrow cot, her thighs bracketing his hips as she settles over him. Once he’s underneath her, she starts to explore his upper body with her fingers and mouth, taking a dusky nipple between her lips to suck at the pink nub and pulling back to watch in fascination as it peaks and he squirms under her. She takes her time around his scars as well, knowing from experience that some scarred tissue may be extremely sensitive while other areas might have no feeling at all; as she licks a stripe over a jagged red line across his ribs, he jolts and  _ whimpers  _ under her. She smugly tucks that knowledge securely away for later -  _ that _ scar, at least, is very sensitive indeed. When her hands start to dip lower to smooth over the ridges of muscle on his abdomen, he groans deep in his chest and bucks his hips up involuntarily. With a smirk, she shimmies down his torso to trace with lips and teeth the well-defined vee leading from his hips down to his groin, and the noise that comes from Ben’s throat sets the throbbing between her legs to a near-intolerable level.

Rey moves back up his body, taking her time as she sucks and nips at his pale skin in order to leave her own set of marks on him. Once she’s level with his face again, she plants a filthy kiss on his parted lips and suggests into his ear, “why don’t you start taking my clothes off, too?” The ex-scavenger manages to only chuckle a little bit when she hears his answering moan and feel his hands quickly fumbling to remove her Jakku garb. 

Once her upper half is bared to the cool air of the ship, she leans down, covering his chest with her own as they both revel in the intoxicating effect of so much skin-to-skin contact. His skin is warm and smooth under her owns, sparks of pleasure shooting through her as she drags her nipples over the expanse of his chest. Rey’s acutely aware of the dampness between her legs, the mounting heat in her core - it was becoming difficult to focus and her whole being seemed to be urging her for  _ more _ . Never one to argue with what her body tells her, Rey starts to shamelessly grind her pelvis down against Ben’s length through their clothes, savoring Ben’s moans from underneath her and the sparks sent through her core from the friction between them.

 

* * *

 

Ben feels like he’s dying. Rey’s grinding down hard on his cock, and he had no idea something could ever feel simultaneously so  _ filthy  _ and so  _ right. _ His cock leaking so freely that he thinks his precome has soaked through his undergarments to his trousers, now - if he weren’t so far gone, Ben might find that fact embarrassing. As it is, the need he feels is incredible, and he has to  _ have  _ her. He’s never experienced such feral and primal need to possess and claim and  _ take _ , and it frightens and arouses him in equal measure. 

He marvels at her body openly, mesmerized by a drop of sweat running between her breasts, the way her rib cage expands and contracts with her harsh breathing, the jut of her collarbones, begging to be traced with tongue and teeth. She is lean, but full of whipcord muscle and understated strength. Her breasts are small, firm mounds that fit amazingly well into his palms,  _ almost like they were made for me,  _ he thinks before he can stop himself. He sits up abruptly, needing to wrap his arms around her as she writhes in his lap and he bucks up against her, chasing the delightful friction between her center and his hard length and inwardly cursing the thick layers of clothing between them. 

It quickly becomes apparent that Ben can’t keep his mouth off her skin - tanned but surprisingly smooth with the faint salty tang of sweat that he licks away eagerly. Ben peppers her neck, chest, and breasts with little open mouth kisses and bites, knowing he’ll be leaving a few marks and feeling a wild sort of beast rise up in his chest again at the thought. He watches Rey’s face and monitors her reactions both with his own senses and the Force to make sure she isn’t in pain, isn’t uncomfortable - he knows how hopelessly he’s out of his depth here. Despite her reassurances he can’t escape from the worry that somehow he’ll lose control of himself and harm her in some way.

His erection is insistent against the placket of his pants, but he feels like he could just hold her like this forever, memorize every dip and curve of her body and map them out with his lips and teeth and tongue. Rey grows impatient first, and seems come to the conclusion there are too many layers of fabric between them as she leans back to start working on Ben’s belt and trousers. He feels an electric jolt move from his groin all the way through his spine every time her fingers (accidentally, or maybe not so accidentally) brush against his blood-heavy cock through his clothing. 

The lithe girl lifts off of him to remove his pants, and Ben’s helpless against the little whine that escaped him at the loss of her heat and weight over him. Once his trousers are gone, he feels a flush rise to his face at the way she openly stares at where his cock is straining against the fabric of his undergarments. He feels a thick bead of precome leak out under the heat of her gaze, and her smirk in response has his dick twitching  _ hard _ . He scrambles to reveal more of Rey’s skin, then, removing her loose pants and in his haste accidentally removing her undergarments as well, for which he quickly stammers an apology and blushes even more fiercely, hoping she doesn’t think he’s trying to move this too fast.

“I suppose we’ll just have to make things even then, won’t we?” she says with a grin as she lightly smacks at Ben’s hip, encouraging him to lift up so she can Ben slide his undergarments down his hips and off his legs. She haphazardly throws the garment across the room with her own discarded clothing. 

Ben can’t decide if he wants more to pull her back on top of him to feel the warm weight of her body on his or if he wants to take a step back and just  _ look  _ and the lithe young woman before him. Ultimately Rey decides for him and stands up from the cot, pushing roughly against Ben’s chest as she gets up. His back hits the wall and he throws his elbows under him until he’s slouching on the bed with his legs spread for balance, his body splayed out lewdly as Rey gazes hungrily at him. She reaches out to touch, one delicate but strong hand grasping around his length. Ben thanks the Force that they’re the only ones on this ship when a moan rips out of his throat at the contact. Wet and twitching in her hand, he throws his head back as she strokes over his cock for a half minute, pulling back all too soon - but the promise in her eyes makes him think it’s going to get even better soon.  

Once she’s pulled back from him a bit, he takes the chance to have a look at all of her, bared so beautifully for him. He doesn’t have any previous experiences to truly compare this moment with, but he can’t possibly imagine any woman in the galaxy being more desirable to him. He quickly notices a smattering of scars and bruises on her body - they seem to be the evidence of the everyday accidents and dangers of her life of scavenging on Jakku. They’re not nearly as bad as his own, truthfully. Nevertheless, the marks on her body cause a sharp flare of anger in his gut, directed at everyone and everything had ever hurt her. 

Ben stands up abruptly and in one long stride is inches from her and wrapping her in a protective embrace, tilting up her chin and opening their now-familiar mental Force connection to send a jumbled mess of emotions and desire at her.  _ You’re so beautiful  _ seems to echo out at the same time as  _ I hate whoever did this to you - I want to make them pay.  _ Rey lets out a snort at that, and reaches up to suck his bottom lip between her own.

_ I appreciate the thought - but I can take care of myself just fine, Ben _ . He nods in reluctant agreement, realizing he’s being foolish but utterly feels helpless against the possessive and protective feelings that flood through him as a result of their bond.

He pushes away the thoughts in favor of focusing on what he’s feeling. The full-body skin-to-skin contact is making him dizzy, and so is the echoing flood of arousal from Rey. He’s stroking at the skin on his back and nipping at her neck when Rey telepathically points out,  _ did you notice  _ your  _ marks on me? _ She punctuates the thought by grabbing his hand and laying it over a smattering of mottled bruises on her chest as she steps back. Ben suddenly notices what his anger had prevented him from seeing clearly before; along her neck, shoulders, collarbones, and breasts were a series of blotchy red marks and faint teeth imprints, and the possessive beast in him rears up at the sight. 

He lets out a low growl and drop his head to her shoulder. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to -- I guess I got a little carried away, didn’t I?” Ben says with a small chuckle, voice already coming out husky and wrecked.

Rey smirks up at him and bites the skin below his ear  _ hard _ in response. “I  _ like  _ that you put those on my body. Now come here and mark me up  _ more _ .” Ben certainly didn’t need to be told twice; the moans Rey makes while he is sucking and biting more bruises into her skin makes his arousal crest until he can’t resist his body’s plea for  _ more  _ any longer. Effortlessly, he grabs Rey’s small form and brings her back to the cot, laying her down on the narrow mattress and settling his body over hers.

He bends his head down to her neck again, kissing a line down her throat. He slips a hand down her body, unsure of himself but feeling a little mental push of reassurance from her as he hovers over the mound between her legs. Rey’s impossibly wet for him, and the twin groans they let out when his fingers slide through her folds reverberate in the small room. He explores the wet heat of her almost reverently, fingers skimming and then rubbing circles over her clit before dipping one long digit into her cunt. He marvels at the tightness of her as he slips a second finger into her, starting to thrust against the smooth skin of her thigh while he fucks her slowly with his fingers. He covers her mouth with his own, swallowing her moans and whines as he experiments with the pace and angle of his fingers, bringing one calloused thumb up to toy with her swollen clit.   

As much as he wants to spend hours just exploring her like this, seeing how many ways they can take each other apart with hands and tongues and fingers, the insistent throbbing low in his belly tells him he isn’t going to last much longer. Ben wants this to be good for both of them, not for him to just spill his seed on Rey’s thigh while rutting against her like an animal -  _ which I’m in danger of doing soon _ , he thinks wryly. While Ben’s mind fumbles over how he wants this to go, Rey takes control again and flips them over so she’s above him now. He has a feeling that he’s going to be in this position often, and honestly Ben has no qualms with that. 

“Just let me handle this for now, Ben. They’re be time for other  _ things  _ later,” Rey pants out as she slides her hips on top of his, grinding down like before only without any barrier between them, and  _ oh _ , did that make all the difference in the galaxy. Ben could feel how  _ aroused  _ she was, how wet he had made her, as her cunt slips around his groin. Ben can't even bring himself to care about the other  _ things  _ Rey could be talking about, and he can't imagine how anything could ever be better than this, how he could have lived his life so far without experiencing anything like this, and how he would ever survive without Rey on top of him, around him,  _ linked  _ with him like this -

Ben watches, mesmerized, as Rey lifts her weight up on her knees just a bit to grab his cock and position it so that it’s lying flat, pointing up towards his navel. She gives him a wicked grin as she spreads her folds wide and settles over him to grind down in a filthy, slow drag of her hips from the base of his cock to the tip - and that’s all Ben knows before his vision whites out and he comes hard enough that the thick ropes of white nearly reach up to his neck. He watches with lust-clouded eyes as Rey chases her own climax and he feels her start to flutter around him as she moans and braces her palms on his chest, looking into his eyes and reaching out to his mind in the Force, and suddenly Ben can feel  _ her  _ orgasm. Somehow, impossibly, he’s coming again - and then the world goes black.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CAN'T STOP WON'T STOP WRITING ABOUT THESE TWO

_ I've just knocked out a former Knight of Ren and leader of the First Order with sex,  _ thinks Rey smugly. The dark-haired man is still supine on the cot, long hair mussed over the pillow and generally looking like a very well-fucked mess. She feels equally amused and aroused by the mess of come that’s smeared all the way up to Ben’s collarbones - it may be a bit filthy, but the fact that  _ Rey _ , a nobody scrap scavenger from Jakku, had been able to do that to such a powerful man was intoxicating.

As she sits on the edge of the cot, she idly traces her fingers over Ben’s torso lightly enough not to disturb his sleep as she lets her mind wander. She wonders what the former Knight will think of their encounter once he wakes. Rey had done everything by instinct, more or less, and let enthusiasm substitute for experience. Taking charge had always came naturally to her and although she had never done anything like  _ that _ before today, she knew her own body well - and based on how responsive Ben had been, she thought he must have enjoyed the experience as well. Living a mostly isolated life on Jakku had given her many hours of solitude to imagine what kinds of things she would do with a lover if she ever had one, and she had always considered herself to have an very active imagination. Although she didn’t think her daydreams had ever come close to what it was  _ actually _ like to be with someone else intimately, especially someone as attractive to her as Ben. It was still odd to think they had gone from enemies to - well,  _ whatever _ they were now, in such a short span of time. Her knowledge of the Force was practically non-existent, but through Ben’s mind and her own observations she had gleaned that they had developed some sort of link through it, that they were being pushed together by something greater than themselves.

It was confusing and strange, but so was everything else that had happened to her since she left Jakku on the  _ Millennium Falcon _ . She needed some time to process everything that had happened, and she hoped there would be a chance for that once they made it to the Resistance base on D'Qar.

She comes back to herself when Ben shifts slightly under her still-wandering fingers, the tall man letting out a little snuffle in his sleep. As much as Rey would have liked to cuddle up to the ex-Knight and drift off into blissed-out sleep alongside him, she had a feeling that the sticky mess all over both of them would move past gross and well into disgusting once they woke up. With a rueful grin, she reaches off the cot to grab the undershirt Ben had been wearing and wipes off his chest, stomach, and groin as best as she can with the garment, still trying not to wake him. If anyone needs a bit of rest, it’s Ben; the man had just defected from the First Order and was now on the run from a very formidable and dangerous enemy. Somehow she knows that her and Ben’s fates are inextricably tied together now, that she’s gotten herself tangled in a complex and honestly very frightening web. A large part of her can’t find it in her to wish anything had happened differently, though, not when she finally feels like she has a place in the galaxy to  _ belong _ . 

Once Ben’s mostly wiped down, she drops a kiss to his chest and reluctantly gets up and sets off to find a place to clean herself up. She hadn’t ever experienced one on the dry planet of Jakku where water was a precious resource, but from smugglers passing through she had heard about things called  _ ‘freshers  _ , which were used to wash with water. She’s having a hard time imagining having enough clean water to actually wash her whole body with, and she’s nearly giddy with the excitement of it as she pokes around the ship. Eventually she stumbles on a room with one of the strange-looking stalls in it and eagerly prods at the buttons until there’s a steady spray of warm water coming from the faucet above her head. Letting out a contented sigh as the dried sweat, dirt, and grime of the whirlwind that’s been the past couple of days swirls down the drain. 

She steps out of the ‘fresher into the steam-filled tiled room, the cleanest she can ever recall feeling in her entire life. As she dries off with the towel she finds folded in a storage compartment, Rey can’t keep a grin off her face. She may be about to arrive at a Resistance base with a former Knight of Ren in tow, but at least she didn’t smell like a bantha anymore.

 

* * *

 

 

Ben wakes up completely disoriented. Even before he opens his eyes, he knows this isn’t his bed or his chambers on the  _ Finalizer _ , Starkiller Base, or any transport craft he’s familiar with. The sickening feeling that he’s been  _ captured  _ washes over him suddenly. His adrenaline spikes, and he immediately springs out of bed, reaching out for his saber with the Force and startling himself when he detects Rey’s presence on the ship; the events of the last twenty-four hours come flooding back and he relaxes, realizing that he’s woken in what is likely the least hostile environment he’s experienced since  _ before  _ the dark side and the First Order. The recollection of what had happened just  _ before  _ he had fallen asleep crashes into his mind and Ben feels a flush spread from his face all the way down to his chest at the flashes of memory as well as the realization he’s still completely naked.

_ Good thing it’s just us on this ship,  _ Ben thinks, and heads in search of the ‘fresher without bothering to re-dress himself. He’s unpleasantly sticky with his and Rey’s intermingled sweat and bodily fluids, but the dopey and sated post-orgasm buzz that’s still coursing through him is such that he could care less. He finds the ‘fresher room, and it’s clear Rey had already visited based on the steam hanging in the cramped space. He starts up the water, but before he steps in he feels a surprising pull from the possessive beast in his chest, wanting to remain absolutely  _ filthy  _ with the evidence of their actions so that anyone who comes across him would know he belonged to her, and she belonged to  _ him _ . 

Ben shakes his head and lets his rational mind quickly take over, knowing he needs to be ready for  _ whatever  _ might happen once they reach the base, and looking and  _ smelling  _ like he had just walked off the set of a holoporn certainly isn’t impression he wants to make when he meets his would-be allies. He lets out a contented sigh as the hot water hits his sore muscles and reflects on what their plans likely will be once they reach the Resistance base.

He wonders what Han and Leia -  _ mother and father,  _ he corrects himself mentally - will think of his return. When or where he might meet them again, he isn’t sure - but even if his parents aren’t at the base he and Rey are en-route to, word will spread quickly and he doesn’t think his mother will let him stay away from her for long. He doesn’t, he  _ can’t _ , dare to hope for anything other than their wrath; how could they think of him as anything but a  _ monster  _ for those he had killed, the things he had done in the name of the First Order? He doesn’t know if he can ever expect forgiveness from them, but he’ll be willing to accept whatever it was they have to give to their son who had betrayed them so profoundly.

Ben has no idea what his role in the Resistance might be - assuming he would be given one instead of a cell or a swift execution. Truthfully, he would have rather ran off to some backwater planet where no one could have found him, but it was clear that Rey wouldn’t abandon her cause and she wouldn’t have let him run without a fight in any case. If he was being realistic, though, he knew he would never be content living a purposeless life on the run from the First Order - he already longed for the next mission or goal he might fulfill. 

Ben had never had a time in his life where he hadn’t served a specific purpose, although his allegiances and Masters had changed. He hoped there would be some function for him within the Resistance, something to keep his mind occupied and away from thoughts of the dark side. If nothing else he could provide the Resistance’s leaders with intel. He possessed a wealth of crucial information about the First Order as well as the highly secretive Knights of Ren, which could prove to be be exceedingly valuable to the underground organization. 

Most importantly, though, he will train Rey in the Force. That he knows without a doubt; just thinking about being able to mold and shape her power, to teach her the joy of wielding and being wielded by the Force makes him dizzy with possibilities. Despite his offer for training, he still thinks Rey will eventually want to seek out his old Master Luke - and while Ben thinks the recovery of the last Jedi Master is a good strategy for the Resistance, he doesn't know if  _ he  _ can ever look his uncle in the eye again after what had passed between him. Ben had destroyed Luke’s hope for a new Jedi Order, betrayed his trust completely and ultimately drove the last Jedi into exile. Ben doesn’t know how to even begin to process the grief and guilt he feels so intensely over the ruin he brought to his uncle, the feelings so unlike the anger and hatred he had buried all else under as a Knight of Ren.

By now, the water’s starting to go cold in the ‘fresher, Ben having gotten lost in his thoughts. The tall man shuts off the water and towels himself off, realizing their landing must be soon and he doesn’t intend to miss it. Slinging the damp towel low around his hips, he reaches for another to dry his hair and resolutely avoids the mirror hanging over the small room’s sink. Ben still isn’t sure he would like what he found in his own features -  _ the face of a monster who hid behind a mask, a man who betrayed his own blood for power,  _ his thoughts come unbidden, and he quickly walks out of the cubicle-like room to go find Rey, knowing there exists at least one person in the galaxy that sees him as something that isn’t twisted and evil.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey can’t help but feel the nervousness in her belly is some sort of a living creature, twisting and roiling her insides as she contemplates what exactly their reception on the Resistance base will be. She fears the worst, naturally; that there will be no place for them on D'Qar, or they’ll imprison Ben if they refuse believe the sincerity of his desertion from the First Order. She doesn’t dare think about other possibilities, that Ben might betray them again or that he might be sentenced to an execution for his crimes.

She had run through her mind many possible scenarios of how they would be received by the underground organization, playing out conversations in her head and considering how she might respond to questions about Ben or their escape. If nothing else, Rey thinks she can be sure that Han, Leia, Chewbacca, and Finn will be welcoming to her ( _ unless they think  _ I’m  _ a traitor for bringing their former enemy to the very heart of the Resistance _ , she thinks) but if they take Ben away from her, she doesn’t know how she’ll cope. Despite the fact that she can tell Ben  _ wants  _ to change, he might not be able to control his anger if they take him captive; things could turn violent very quickly.

She briefly debates finding some manacles or other restraints on board and bringing Ben onto the base under the pretense that he’s her prisoner, and although the idea of Ben’s hands bound, the tall man completely under her mercy, sparks something unexpectedly in her belly ( _ something to catalogue away for later,  _ she thinks) it probably wouldn’t be the right first impression to make. If anything, it could lessen the Resistance’s trust in Ben if they feel he had been forced away from the First Order instead of coming willingly. After some deliberation, Rey finally decides that she’ll simply lead the way on the base, find Finn first and explain the situation to him as someone who could understand what it meant to desert from the First Order. She can’t imagine that anyone will recognize Ben as Kylo Ren without the mask and dark robes, so they  _ should  _ be able to play him off as another ‘trooper who had defected until they come up with a more solid plan. Together they should be able to convince others, Han and Chewbacca first, she thinks, of Ben’s sincerity and willingness to change. Rey’s counting on the trust between herself and the old war hero pair that had so quickly developed during their high-stakes escape from the duo’s smuggler vessel  _ Eravana  _ via the  _ Falcon _ .

Lastly, assuming everything else goes well, Rey hopes that they’ll find some small semblance of peace and safety on the base, even temporarily. She and Ben need to take some time to figure out what exactly this  _ thing  _ they have between them is; she can’t shake the awareness of how  _ connected  _ they are, and knows that whatever it is the Force or their destinies will lead them to do, it will most certainly will be together. They need a chance work out a clearer understanding of each other - because despite their bond and the intimacy they shared, Rey knows very little about Ben.  _ And,  _ she thinks as a blush rises to her cheeks,  _ I’d like to have a chance to get him alone again before we’re swept up fighting the First Order for Force-knows how long _ .

They’re only a few minutes away from the jump back out of lightspeed when she hears Ben’s approach into the cockpit. As she turns to look at the tall man, she notices he seems more rested - the bags under his eyes diminished and his posture more open and relaxed. His raven hair is still damp from the ‘fresher and he quickly sweeps a wayward lock out of his face, looking as though he feels nervous under her scrutiny, unsure of what the protocol is now that this  _ thing  _ between them had developed more.  _ I guess that makes two of us, then _ , she thinks. Rey has a feeling that  _ awkwardness  _ isn’t something Ben had felt often during his time in the First Order and it was unusual,  _ and a bit humorous, really,  _ she chuckled to herself, to see the powerful man looking so apprehensive at the prospect of approaching a woman who he had been so intimate with only a couple of hours ago. Rey gives him a big grin, trying to reassure him as much as herself,  and a deep blush blooms on his face as he strides towards one of the cockpit’s chairs.  _ No wonder he wore a mask,  _ she realizes,  _ he can’t help but show every emotion on his face _ . It was swiftly dawning on Rey that perhaps his expressions were her favorite thing about him so far.

Sensing her eyes still on him, Ben clears his throat quietly and turns to her to ask, “what’s the plan? I see we’ll reach our destination soon.” His dark eyes flick over the control panel, landing on the screen displaying the coordinates. Rey had only recently set their course to D'Qar, deciding that she could trust him enough to bring him to the base. Ben tilts his head as he looks at the numbers, no doubt searching his memory for any knowledge of which planet those coordinates might lead them to. Rey is skeptical he would know about the existence of a Resistance base on D'Qar, even if he has managed to recognize their coordinates - it’s not exactly a well-known planet, as far out into the Outer Rim as this system is. She hopes for the Resistance’s sake -  _ which now, I suppose, is our sake as well,  _ she thinks - that the First Order knows as little about the the Resistance’s involvement in the Ileenium system and D'Qar as possible.

“Once we’re within range, I’ll open communication and explain who I am, that I’ve escaped from the First Order’s captivity, and that I have a defector with me. We’ll find Finn and explain the situation to him, first, because if anyone at the base can understand your situation at all, he would be the one - he’s an ex-stormtrooper,” she responds, hoping to feel as confident as she sounds when it actually comes time to enact the plan. She begins to prepare the craft for their jump out of lightspeed as they approach their coordinates, her hands skimming gracefully over the transport's control panel. 

She turns to see Ben looking at her strangely, a question in his eyes. “Finn, as in FN-2187, the stormtrooper that helped Poe Dameron escape from Starkiller Base?” the tall man queries, and Rey can see him trying to push back some sort of latent anger. Something flares suddenly  over their now omnipresent Force connection, and she’s seeing flashes of a memory through the eyes of Kylo Ren - harsh breathing and a bright red saber crackling as it illuminates a metal room, the smoking ruins of a communicator panel, vision nearly going red with fury. Rey could _ taste  _ the remembered anger like it was her own, his fury hot and brittle on her tongue. His rage at the escape of an important prisoner and the impossibility of a ‘trooper’s desertion had ignited something in his veins, making him lash out in with the blind fury of destruction. 

Rey has to push back the thought that the man who had done  _ that  _ was the same man sitting next to her in the cockpit, the man she is prepared to trust her life with. She takes a deep breath -  _ Kylo Ren is gone, dead. This man is just Ben now, even if his memories are that of the masked Knight _ , she thinks. It’s a jarring reminder that things won’t be easy for them, for  _ Ben _ , who can’t just banish every scrap of his First Order conditioning to some never-reachable corner of his mind.

Trying not to show her concern over the memory that Rey  _ knows  _ Ben is aware they just shared, she continues on with the conversation. They can have a much-needed discussion about Ben’s anger and his memories when they’re not about to land at the base, she figures. “That’s the one. I would go to Han and Chewbacca right away, but I thought we could use some backup first - “ she starts, and is abruptly cut off by Ben’s hurried response.

“We can’t go see Han Solo,” he says suddenly, voice wavering a bit even as his eyes flash with his resolve. Rey raises her eyebrows at his objection, and Ben attempts to recover quickly with, “he doesn’t seem like the type of person who would be very trusting of someone like me.” The ex-Knight looks away from Rey, flicking his eyes back towards the controls. She thinks it odd that the mention of Han Solo had elicited such a reaction from the dark haired man, but Rey supposes it  _ could _ be possible they had some sort of history that he wasn’t sharing; Han was a war hero after all, and could have faced Kylo Ren on the battlefield in the recent past.

“Han was perfectly trusting of Finn, and you know the men and women behind those stormtrooper masks are trained from birth to serve the First Order loyally. Finn was able to break away from that conditioning just as you were able to escape your own,” Rey points out, but knows her reassurance probably will do little good to assuage Ben; he had apparently made up his mind about the smuggler already.

“It’s different in this case,” Ben says in a surprisingly flat tone - she doesn’t need to hear his thoughts to know he’s thinking  _ this particular discussion is over _ . Rey doesn’t plan on telling Ben then, about her “plan B” - they’ll seek out General Organa instead, since he had made it clear her original idea was no longer an option. It isn’t as though Rey  _ wants  _ to keep her plans secret from Ben, but with their options truly few and far between, there was little else she could do. With the importance of the information they would be bringing the Resistance, it seemed inevitable that they would meet with the leader of the movement at some point in any case. General Organa should be more than eager to receive any itell regarding the Starkiller base that Rey might have from her brief captivity there, and if Ben wants to prove his new allegiance to the Resistance, what better way than by giving priceless information about her enemies to the former Princess?  _ If only she doesn’t order Ben to be locked away first,  _ Rey thinks gloomily.

Pushing her thoughts aside for the time being, she grabs at the ship’s manual controls just as they jump out of lightspeed, having reached the coordinates she had plugged into the hyperdrive. Rey taps effortlessly into her innate sense of direction, the gut feeling which has always guided her hands and mind when she pilots any craft. Now, she realizes that “instinct” is, and has always been, the Force - and she taps into it freely to guide them into a controlled and gentle descent into the planet’s airspace. She opens the comm channel quickly and takes a steadying breath.

“Unknown craft, state your identity and purpose,” a tinny voice buzzes over the comms. Rey had prepared herself for this question, locating the ship’s identity number near the control panel ahead of time, so she quickly responds back.

“This is Craft J-96234, requesting permission to land. I have escaped from the Starkiller Base after recent capture on Takodana. My other passenger is a defector from the First Order,” she says into the ship’s comm reciever. Rey knows it must sound like an unlikely story, and she can’t be sure she had followed the protocol for inter-craft communication. Despite her confidence in piloting nearly any ship she could get her hands on, she had never flew off-planet before leaving Jakku. She’s counting on the fact that their craft is a simple transport ship, equipped with only a few ion cannons for defence, and that the base’s scanners will be able to verify that there really are only two passengers on board.

The silence that follows her statement over the comm makes Rey’s stomach clench uneasily and she hopes desperately that the lack of response is from shock and not the person she had spoken with raising an alarm or passing a command to open fire on their craft. After what feels like a brief eternity, the person across the line finally barks out a simple, “permission granted, Craft J-96234 proceed to land in hangar B,” and Rey lets out a breath she wasn’t aware she had been holding. She glances over at Ben briefly as she started to angle the ship for landing, the expression on his face one of inner conflict.

“It’ll be okay, Ben,” Rey reassures him, trying not to sound hollow despite the fact that she isn’t so sure herself exactly how things will go on from here on out. The young man turns to her, cocking his head as if to express that he knows she has doubts herself. He hesitantly reaches out for her hand, and although Rey doesn’t feel any less apprehensive about how things might go, she can’t escape the (perhaps irrational) feeling that as long as they stay together, things will turn out okay somehow.

Rey doesn’t know if it makes her feel more or less at ease when she lowers the ramp of their transport and steps off the ship to see General Organa herself on the deck of the hangar bay. Her plans had involved meeting up with the general at some point, but Rey hadn’t thought it would be  _ now _ .

_ She was smart enough not to come alone _ , Rey thinks, noticing the a small group of soldiers clustered around the older woman; Han Solo and Chewbacca, looking the most fierce and protective of the bodyguard group, were there as well. Whoever they had communicated with from the ship must have thought Rey’s transmission had been important enough to alert the General herself right away, which explained the length of silence during their brief conversation. Han gives Rey his signature lopsided grin and walks towards her, giving her a quick hug and quietly says, “I’m glad you made it out kid, I was starting to wonder if I’d have to look for another co-pilot after all,” his words betraying how concerned he had been about the girl he had only met a few days ago but had immediately and instinctively wanted to protect and take under his wing.

Ben’s footsteps echo in the hangar as he begins descending down the ramp behind Rey, and she sees Han’s eyes flick up towards the transport as the ex-Knight comes out onto the deck and stops, suddenly frozen in his tracks. Rey watches Han’s face turn from curiosity to recognition to some emotion so intense she can’t even begin to recognize it before --

“Ben!” seems to come simultaneously from both General Organa and Han at the same time as a roar from Chewbacca. Rey has only a second to question how the two could possibly know the young man before Han is pushing past her and the General is telling her guards to move aside as she breaks into a run towards the tall, raven haired figure at the bottom of the transport’s ramp.


	4. Chapter 4

Why he had held out hope that maybe, just  _ maybe  _ , General Organa -  _  mother,  _ he corrects himself - would be busy with some other task or not regard their possible itel important enough to come down to the hangar bay herself, Ben wasn’t sure. His heart had jumped up into his throat when he caught a stray thought from Rey through their bond - she was planning to have them meet with the General. He had hoped that maybe his mother wouldn’t be on the base they were going to, but Rey had confirmed his fear. All he could think was  _ not her, anyone else, please - I don’t think I can bring myself to face her yet,  _ and he had nearly cried out tried to reroute the ship right then and there. By some miracle, Ben had managed to control himself, trying to rationalize that surely they wouldn’t see the General  _ right away _ ; Rey had wanted to find that ex-trooper friend of hers and maybe he could convince her that there was someone,  _ anyone _ , other than General Organa that they could share their information with on the base. 

He had been too preoccupied with his panicked thoughts to notice his parents’ presences in the Force once they landed and started to lower the ramp, which had been so  _ stupid  _ of him.  _ Just because I’m no longer a Knight of Ren or among the First Order doesn’t mean I can let my guard down and stop using my training _ , he mentally kicks himself - because if he had had even one additional  _ heartbeat  _ of time to prepare himself emotionally for the sight before him, then maybe he wouldn’t have cried out like a weak child and fell to his knees under the weight of his guilt and the emotions he had previously buried so deeply under blind fury and loathing.

Ben sees, as if in slow-motion, his parents running towards him. The possibilities flash through his head quickly in the few seconds before they reach him -  _ Will they order guards to stun me? Take me to a cell? Disown me right here and now?  _ He doesn’t even dare to hope they will have forgiveness or acceptance for him - his time with under Snoke and First Order had taught him with certainty that the galaxy is a cruel place. People rarely received second chances or the opportunity for redemption, no matter if they deserved it or not. He had seen General Hux order ‘troopers and Captains alike cut down on the spot after making an error on the field, had witnessed the Supreme Leader culling some of his fellow apprentices because they had made mistakes in their training or simply weren’t dark enough or strong enough for his liking. A tiny part of Ben clings desperately to the hope for even a scrap of forgiveness from those who had been closest to him, but the larger part of him, hardened by pain and loathing and his years of training, accepts the inevitability of the situation.

By now, his mother and father have reached him, and Ben has a moment of surprise that he has not been taken prisoner or stunned yet. Then he becomes aware of the fact that his parents were now on their knees with him, surrounding him and embracing him, soothing him like he was the child they had held all those years ago and not a young man who had done monstrous things in the all-too-recent past. The ex-Knight is suddenly transported back to his childhood, a scared little boy unsure of the power growing inside of him and seeking his parents for comfort. Eyes stinging, Ben can’t stop the tears now as everything he had tried to hard to push away comes rushing back at all once. 

Ben’s dimly aware of his father pulling him to his feet. The smuggler pulls back and looks searchingly into his son’s face, perhaps disbelieving that he had truly come back to them after all this time and everything that had passed between them. Han Solo looks older, and more world-weary since Ben last saw him - and for a moment, they stand in silence, searching each others’ faces. The older man looked like he was trying to reconcile the man he saw now with the little boy that had come to him for guidance, to share his successes and find comfort from his hurts. For his part Ben felt like he  _ was _ that little boy again and truthfully it terrified him. 

The hanger is virtually silent as the small family stands in a half-embrace, disbelief and relief flashing over their faces. There are no words for several long moments, and there don’t need to be. Ben can’t bear it any longer, suddenly; he can’t bear their eyes turned on him with affection and breaks the silence, “mother, father... I can’t even  _ begin  _ to - “

He’s swiftly but gently shushed by his mother, who reaches out to stroke his hair, thick and dark like her own had been years before. Her voice is firm but gentle as she murmurs, “it doesn’t matter, Ben. You’re  _ home  _ now.”

“You can’t possibly forgive me for what I did -- to you, to Luke, to the Jedi.”

“We don’t need to forgive you yet, Ben. But you have to know that we love you now and always have. No matter what you’ve done in the past, you’re still our son. The forgiveness will come in time,” his father speaks softly. Ben had never realized that his parent’s love and their forgiveness could be separate entities; that they could feel betrayed and angry over what he had done and yet still see him as their son and love him despite his sins. The teachings of the dark side and the culture propagated by the First Order would never allow forgiveness of that magnitude, love of that depth.   

He doesn’t think he deserves what they are offering him, but he wants so badly to give in and stop fighting against himself, against his fear and hatred and fury. Ben is beginning to see,  _ no, to remember _ , the power that the light held. Surely if the light gave power great enough to redeem someone like Ben Solo, then perhaps the First Order and Knights of Ren had more to fear from them then they thought.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey is frozen in shock, her boots firmly glued to the durasteel deck of the hangar as she watches the scene before her.

_ Ben. Ben  _ Solo.  _ He’s their son.  _ Her mind races with the improbability of it, but then things start to slowly slot into place. It explained why he had been jumpy about meeting up with Han, in any case. The connection made sense, in a way, but also made things more complicated. A flicker of doubt crosses her mind that perhaps if he had been trying to hide this from her, there were other things he could be hiding as well. She strangles the thought before it can take root into something insidious, though. Now doesn’t seem to be the right time to question Ben about not being more forthcoming.

She had seen into his mind, felt the loneliness, the despair, and the doubts about his allegiance with the dark side. There were many things that they didn’t know each other yet, but Rey had a feeling that it wouldn’t remain that way for long. They could no more hide anything from each other than they could hide something from themselves, not with whatever kind of link it was they had forged by being in each other’s heads so deeply and intimately.

The ex-scavenger stands back and absorbs the scene before her as Ben is surrounded by his parents, and even from this distance she can feel the emotions coming off them in waves through the Force, Ben’s most strongly. He’s so conflicted, even now - fear and grief almost as strong as the joy he’s feeling. It’s hard for Rey to imagine a reunion like this generating anything other than pure happiness and relief; not for the first time, she feels a sharp pang of longing for something like a family to call her own. She knows whatever family she once belonged to had long ago abandoned her or had died. Telling herself anything different was futile - something she had realized for a while but hadn’t really been able to accept outwardly until now. 

The emotionally-charged reunion is interrupted abruptly when a commander comes into the hangar bay and breathlessly says, “I’m so sorry, General Organa, but we need your attention immediately. There’s a threat on the base from the First Order, their weapon is functional and they have already destroyed the New Republic planets in the Hosian System,” the woman looks pained to be delivering such awful news and to cut the precious moments between parents and long-lost son short, but General Organa knows her duty to the Resistance; a failure to act swiftly in these types of situations will only put her family in further danger in the near future.

“Ben, Rey -- come with me. You may have information that can help us figure out a way to disable or defend ourselves against this weapon,” the general says in a no-nonsense, commanding voice, quickly composing herself as she reluctantly pulls away from her son. Rey is soon watching her short figure recede from the hangar as she follows the commander out of the room; Ben and Rey only hesitate a moment before following them to the cave-like center command hub.

The room is cavernous and relatively dim, lit up by holoscreens and filled with various personnel dressed in Resistance uniforms. There’s a low buzz of chatter that seems to be petering out with General Organa’s presence. Rey’s eyes scan the room for a certain familiar face - and after a few seconds she locks eyes with Finn from across the room, rushing towards the stocky ex-stormtrooper who she had become such fast friends with. They embrace, and Rey’s surprised to feel a flare of jealousy and possessiveness in the back of her mind -  _ it’s okay, he’s just a friend _ , she reassures Ben. Distraction dealt with, she returns her focus back to Finn, who is asking just  _ how  _ she had managed to escape the First Order base. She opens her mouth to respond when the former ‘trooper glances around her to see Ben standing close behind her then, and his eyes widen. “You had help, then? One of my old comrades?” Finn says, his tone betraying a mix of excitement and apprehension at the idea that another stormtrooper might have followed his example.

“I’ll have to explain it to you later, Finn, it’s a bit more complicated than that,” she quickly responds. She has a moment of panic that her friend might be able to recognize Ben as Kylo Ren, that he might make a connection based on the ex-Knight’s posture or body language. Unlikely, but not something Rey wanted to risk at the moment, so she subtly shifts to block Finn’s view and gives Ben a little mental shove to  _ go somewhere else _ . 

“If you say so, Rey. I’m just glad you’re back.” he replies, reaching out to give her hand a friendly squeeze. She lets out a little sigh of relief that he hadn’t blown their cover, so to speak, and resolves to tell him the truth as soon as she can. Finn deserves that much, at the very least. He turns back to one of the holoscreens, speaking to a high-rank officer and mapping out where the weak spots were on the First Order base so the Resistance could launch their offensive on the planet. Ben stalks over to where General Organa is standing, quietly giving her any information they need in such a way as to not draw too much attention to himself. 

The next few hours seem to simultaneously crawl by and fly past at light speed to Rey - Ben and Finn had been able to provide enough information for the Resistance to feel confident they could stop the weapon before it was charged enough to fire, the former making sure to hold some of the non-essential information back as to not raise any suspicions as to  _ how  _ he might know so many intricate details about the base. Now wasn’t the time to break the news to the Resistance that they had the recently-defected master of the Knights of Ren in their midst. Han, Chewbacca, and Finn set off along with a squadron of X-wing fighters led by the Resistance’s star pilot Poe Dameron to try and save D'Qar and it’s inhabitants from the total annihilation of the First Order’s superweapon before it was too late. Rey and Ben both know it was far too risky for either of them to go anywhere near the First Order’s stronghold, but Rey hates feeling helpless on D'Qar while her friends were out risking their lives in battle.

Before he left, Han had pulled Ben aside, promising him that they would be able to talk and work some things out when he got back. Rey overheard and tried to tell herself that it would be  _ when  _ he got back, not  _ if  _ \- she knows the smuggler and his Wookiee companion had encountered worse odds and made it back alright. After they’ve left, Rey begins to feel restless, frustrated, and helpless - all she can do was wait for news and hope for the best, and it gives her an uneasy feeling. She longs to be behind the controls of an X-wing, or maybe on the battlefield holding her trusty quarterstaff; it’s an impractical thought and she knows it - she doesn’t have any formal battle training - but the need to feel useful is rendering her an anxious mess. Perhaps picking up on Rey’s mood, Ben starts to become increasingly agitated as well. The tall man has started pacing back and forth in an isolated corner of the command room where he and Rey have stationed themselves in an attempt to stay out of the way. The room is frantic with commanders, officers, and soldiers filtering in and out of the cave-like room, relaying information to those out in the field and updating their movements on one of the large holoscreens. 

“I can feel how angry he is,” Ben says suddenly, “the Supreme Leader is furious I’m not there and that the Resistance would have somehow been able to get the planet’s shields down for a direct attack on the Starkiller weapon.”

Ren looks at him, agast. “Does that mean he can sense you, too?”

“I don’t think so - I can sense his anger through the Force because it’s so strong - I can’t recall ever having felt him this furious before. Perhaps if I was closer, or if I was feeling something very strongly -- the Knights are trained to sense hatred and anger above other emotions, as those are the core of their power and the means they often utilize to seduce Force-users to the dark side,” Ben responds with a distant look on his face, for once unreadable to Rey. She feels all at once very frightened for him, not realizing before that it was possible to sense a being’s emotions and thoughts through the Force from such a great distance. How could they be safe anywhere in the galaxy when someone as powerful as Snoke was pursuing them, could be tracking them down this very minute?

As if sensing her sudden worry, Rey feels Ben pushing gently against her mind with the Force and she lets him in. The thoughts that rush into her mind from Ben’s were clearly to reassure himself as well as her -  _ Snoke isn’t infinitely powerful,  _ he says, his voice gentle in her mind,  _ I can shield my Force signature, and if I can keep my emotions in control, he shouldn’t be able to sense me from the distance. If he were truly that sensitive to other beings in the Force, don’t you think he would have found Luke Skywalker by now, map or not?  _ Making sure no one is looking there way at the moment, Ben takes Rey’s hand to intertwine their fingers and give her a reassuring squeeze.

_ You know it can’t be that easy to stay out of Snoke’s grasp,  _ Rey sends back with a furrow of her brow, which Ben is quick to reach up and smooth out with the rough pad of his thumb.

The jumble of images and emotions Ben pushes back into Rey’s mind can’t be strung into any type of coherent sentence, but she knows and understands his terror, his repulsion at being hunted through the galaxy and being given the choice to spend the rest of his life running or set himself the impossible task of defeating the Supreme Leader and quite possibly dying in the attempt. 

His fear is overwhelming, and it’s clear he’ll being pulled down further by it. Rey can’t take it anymore, can’t stomach the feelings of helplessness and despair knowing there’s nothing either of them can do to reassure each other or change the situation. She does then the only thing she can think might pull them out of the spiral of fear and pulls Ben out of the bustling control room by the hand to search out the nearest private space. Right now she doesn’t want to think, she just wants to  _ feel _ , and know that Ben’s here with her, alive and safe and whole for this moment and the next.

As they hurry down the narrow hall, pushing past the influx of Resistance personnel making their way into the control room, Rey tentatively reaches out with the Force to sense which, if any, of the unmarked rooms off the hallway are empty. Once they’ve reached an area where the foot traffic is all but non-existent, she chances a peek into a room behind a nondescript and unmarked doorway. The ex-scavenger is pleased to find it’s empty and most likely spacious enough for her purposes - a utility closet with a variety of extra battle gear and base maintenance equipment tucked into shelves and cubbies along three of the small room’s walls. Fortuitously for them, the closet also has a lock that can be activated from the inside, and with that discovery she takes one last glance around them, and seeing the hallway momentarily deserted, she pushes Ben (with some assistance from the Force) into the closet and follows behind him, quickly shutting and locking the door behind them.

Once they’re alone, Ben pulls Rey to him, the taller man quickly enveloping her smaller form in his arms. Rey tucks her head into his chest, listening to the steady  _ thump-thump  _ of his heartbeat that grounds her and tells her they’re safe here together. Ben reaches up to run his thumb along her temple and gently, effortlessly reaching into her mind and encouraging her to delve into his as well.

When their psyches are connected, there’s no words for a long stretch of moments - just the two of them taking comfort in their connection and the physical contact. Rey makes a mental note that they’ll need to tell those at the base about their relationship, because sneaking around in closets will likely get old very quickly -  _ and I dread the nightmares I’ll have if we’re forced to sleep apart,  _ Ben adds. He drops a kiss to the top of her head and moves his hand to stroke up and down her back over her tunic, breathing in her scent with a sharp inhale. His mind lights up with a complex swirl of sensation and feeling that comes off as something like  _ home  _ to Rey.

Minutes pass by as they hold each other, Rey occasionally lifting her face to Ben’s and standing on tiptoes to press soft kisses onto his lips, cheeks, and neck. There’s a faint thrum of arousal over their bond, and if they were in a more private space and a less harrowing situation currently, they would certainly act on it. For now, though, it’s about comfort; but Rey won’t deny the heat blossoming low in her belly has her thinking about when they might be able to find some time alone in the near future. 

Ben is the one to reluctantly pull away first, sending a wave of concern over what news might have come into the base during their absence. Rey nods, knowing that as much as she would like to stay like this indefinitely, news of their friends and Ben’s father had to take precedence at the moment.

Rey feels Ben reach out around them with the Force, checking to make sure the hallway is again clear before unlocking the door and motioning Rey out into the corridor. _ You’re right about sneaking around being troublesome,  _ Ben thinks at Rey as they make their way back to the control room, nearly at a run now that they hear raised voices echoing down the hall towards them. As they enter into the now-packed room, Rey quickly realizes the noises they heard from down the corridor were celebratory sounds; the holoscreen dominating the center of the room shows Starkiller Base critically damaged, the superweapon disabled and the planet heaving at the massive amounts of damage dealt to its core. Rey can’t help but turn to hug Ben as her heart soars at the good news, wanting to share the joy threatening to overflow from her body now that she finally has someone to share such an emotion  _ with _ . The tall man returns her hug, but Rey sees his eyes darting around the crowded room, searching for his mother and her reaction to the events to gauge if there has been any news about his father.

Rey turns to follow his gaze, and sees the older woman engaged in a celebratory embrace with a Bothan man in a commander's uniform.  _ All must be well with your father, then? _

_ Yes - I can sense him, the  _ Falcon  _ is coming into the hangar now.  _ Ben’s mental message is accompanied by a tangle of emotions - elation over his father’s success and survival in the recent battle, nervousness about their impending conversation, and the guilt that apparently was ever-present when Ben thought of his parents.  _ You’ll come with me, won’t you?  _ Ben asks, and although it isn’t put into words, Rey can also hear  _ don’t make me face this alone  _ .

_ Of course I will,  _ Rey sends back as she grabs his hand. After the words form in her mind, a realization comes over her that she doesn’t just mean the conversation with his parents - but  _ anywhere _ he might need her to follow, really.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as per usual, not beta read so all mistakes are my own!
> 
> Sorry about all the angst, I blame Ben Solo for being an angsty little fucker and constantly getting in the way whenever I try to take this in a fluffy direction.

     

As he watches those around him cheering, hugging, and celebrating the Resistance’s (admittedly huge, maybe even game-changing) victory over the First Order, Ben can’t help but feel out of place - incredibly isolated and detached. When Ben closes his eyes and focuses on the Force, he can so easily sense the elation and relief shining off of all the beings in the room like a cluster of supernovas in an otherwise dark galaxy. Under the surface, he also detects a twinge of sadness and grief behind the joy; those who were closest to the pilots that will never be coming home to share in the victory, their lifeforces snubbed out as they fought to destroy the superweapon before it could destroy the lives of so many others.

Ben feels so many things that ultimately it’s making him just feel  _ numb _ . As toxic as it had been, Starkiller Base had been his home - or as close to a home as _ anything _ had been in the recent past - less than twenty four hours ago. Although it hadn’t ever been intentional, he had gotten to know some of the men and women who worked on the Base or fought in the First Order’s ranks. As misguided as their loyalty ultimately might have been, he knew if he was close enough he could feel their deaths in the Force as their lives ended just the same as he could those Resistance soldiers who had died fighting for  _ their  _ cause. The dissonance it causes in his head is nearly enough to overwhelm him on its own. 

The ex-Knight feels an incredible relief at his father’s survival, as well as that of his Wookiee companion, who is more or less a second uncle to Ben. He’s incredibly thankful he had been spared from losing something he had only so recently recovered. Apprehension grows in him as well as Ben thinks on the conversation that  _ needs  _ to happen between his parents and himself now that the immediate danger is passed. Word spreads quickly around bases such as these, and he knows that it won’t be long until many of the Resistance members grow wary of his admittedly a bit half-assed stormtrooper deserter story; if these people are going to be his allies, they deserve at least that much of the truth from him.  _ Even if I do run the risk of being condemned where I stand,  _ he thinks with a grimace.

Lastly, Ben feels a lightness in his chest at the thought that maybe the First Order and Snoke will be sufficiently distracted from looking for him now that their ultimate weapon and a strategically crucial base had been destroyed. It was like a palpable, physical weight had been lifted off of him and he could finally breathe freely without being crushed. A nagging in the back of his mind tells him it’s only temporary, that the First Order will recover at near light-speed, that they can only remain here safely for so long before they’re tracked down. 

Ben is nothing if not pragmatic, however, and he knows to take whatever he can get. Even a day or two of peace will be a boon for his exhausted body and mind; a chance to rest, collect his thoughts, and try to work things out with his family. Most importantly, it will give him and Rey a chance to devise what they mean to each other now and what their next steps might be.

The crowd around them in the control room begins to morph and shift as people begin a mass exodus down the halls to the hangar bay, eager to greet their triumphant heroes as they land safely back at base. Ben and Rey follow the pull of traffic, but Rey starts to shoulder their way towards the front of the throng so they can be among the first to see Finn, Han, and Chewbacca emerge from the  _ Falcon _ .

The Resistance’s star pilot, Poe Dameron, is the first to land, his X-wing leading what’s left of the squadron sent out just a few hours before. He emerges from the cockpit to roaring cheers from the crowd, removing his helmet with a flourish and flashing a triumphant, if weary, grin. Medics and mechanics swarm around to pilot and his comrades as they land and disembark from their fighter crafts, the former poking at the pilots for any signs of injury and the latter doing the same to the now-battered fighters.

The crowd disperses a bit to leave more room for the  _ Millennium Falcon  _ to make its landing, the scarred Corellian freighter effortlessly landing on the durasteel floor of the hangar. Ben feels a tug of emotion at the sight of his father’s ship, which he had looked up at with awe as a boy and later co-piloted his first spaceflight with, taking the controls with a mix of giddy awe and sheer terror.

Now, though, he sees the ship as a symbol of his father: battered and scarred, but ultimately made to endure whatever the galaxy - or the Force threw - in the way. Neither the ship nor the man had always lived up to the legends encompassing them, something that was simultaneously a disappointment and a relief to a young and naive Ben. At first, he had felt let down and frustrated at the realization that his father was in fact a mortal man, not the war-hero-smuggler shrouded in the myths of the Rebellion. Over time these feelings had developed into a strange sort of hope, that if his father was made of flesh and blood and not the mists of legend, perhaps Ben Solo didn’t have to be crushed under the already overwhelming pressure to  _ live up  _ to the rest of his family - Jedi Master, political leader and Princess, and galaxy-famous smuggler-turned-hero. That hope was crushed, along with many others from his childhood, when he felt the first stirrings of real  _ power  _ and uncovered the relic of his grandfather the Sith Lord, calling him to find greatness of his own instead of being content to hide behind the shadows of his parents and uncle. 

In this moment, he would just as soon be a no-name moisture farmer on Tatooine than a former Knight of Ren, would trade the power and infamy for a life of security and peace, surrounded by his family and the scavenger girl who had captured a piece of his soul. Ben knows it’s a foolish dream, one that can never be because of the directions the Force or fate had decided to push him.

As his father steps down the ramp, Ben watches him give a quick wave to the jubilant crowd, which is finally starting to thin out as people go to celebrate in small groups throughout the base. It strikes Ben how old his father looks - still his strong and stubborn self, but the inevitability of age is clearly starting to catch up with the man. He’s hit with the realization that if he had waited a few more years to leave the First Order, he could have been too late to ever reconcile with his parents, and the thought frightens him more than Ben thought it would.

His morbid thoughts are interrupted when Han meets Ben’s eyes and jerks his head to the side, motioning his son to follow him. The long-haired man glances back to make sure Rey is close behind, then closes the gap between himself and his father quickly with long strides, the shorter girl half-running to keep up.

Ben falls into stride next to his father and no words pass between them as they make the short walk to the General’s quarters. As they step over the threshold, Ben sees his mother already in the spacious but sparsely decorated living area, sitting ramrod straight with her back to them. She rises slowly, turning around to look at her son and husband standing next to each other in the doorway, and Ben sees his mother’s normally serious face crumble with emotion. The older woman’s commander stance melts away as she grabs the two most important men in her life and pulls them into a tearful embrace. Ben and his father both tower over his slight-statured mother, who reaches up to tilt Ben’s face down towards hers, pushing a strand of hair behind his ear like she had when he was just a child, and looking into his now-misty eyes.

The ex-Knight is suddenly is aware of Rey standing behind them, still half-in and half-out of the front door to the quarters, and he can feel through their Force-connection her sense that she doesn’t belong in this moment, is intruding on something private between the small family. Ben pulls back slightly from his parents’ embrace to motion Rey towards their huddle, clearing his throat.

“Father, mother, I believe you’ve met Rey,” Ben begins, holding out his hand for Rey to take as she comes nearer to the group, “she’s the one who rescued me.” He finishes, squeezing Rey’s hand and watching as his parents look at Rey with a new appreciation.

“I’m so sorry if it seems like I’m intruding here, Han, General Organa - “

“Call me Leia,” the older woman says, pulling the wiry girl into a tight hug. “We’ll forever be in your debt for bringing our son home to us, I can’t express to you how much it means to finally have my family whole again.”

Before Ben can open his mouth to add that Rey is also his...  _ lover? soul-mate? partner?  _ his mother gives him a knowing look - a small smile and a nod as if to say _ I know what you mean to each other, and I approve _ . His mother has always been very perceptive, so Ben doesn’t suppose he should be too surprised she picked up on the nature of his and Rey’s relationship. 

Leia steps back from Rey and motions the others towards the seating area a few steps away from them. Han sits down first, claiming a sparsely padded arm chair angled in towards the other two pieces of furniture, a sofa and a chaise lounge opposite each other. Ben takes a seat next to his mother, gently grasping Rey’s slim wrist to coax her down onto the seat next to him. The wiry girl settles next to him, and they share a look as both feel the flare of nervousness over the coming conversation. Ben reaches to intertwine her small fingers with his larger ones, giving her hand a squeeze and looking between his father and mother anxiously.

Han lets out a sharp exhale and rakes his hands through his salt-and-pepper hair, looking at his son as though he’s trying to hold whatever he wants to say inside himself tightly. The older man shakes his head then and lets out a sigh as he finally blurts out, “ _ Why  _ did you do it, Ben?”

 

* * *

 

 

Rey starts at Han’s words, the question oddly loud in the mostly hushed room. She looks over at Ben anxiously. Honestly, Rey’s more than curious about the  _ why  _ of it herself, but more so worried that a misplaced word or too-harsh tone might cause Ben to slip up. As recently as a few days ago, the man had suffered from uncontrollable fits of anger; Rey had seen the vision of him standing over his handiwork after Poe had make his escape from the  _ Finalizer _ with Finn’s help. She squeezes his hand and he looks back at her, eyes calm and gaze steady.  _ I’m fine, Rey,  _ Ben thinks,  _ this will be painful for me, but it’s the least they deserve after everything _ , his mental voice drifting off to images of the last time he had seen his parents before his betrayal: a younger Leia and Han embracing an adolescent Ben, Leia dropping a kiss to his forehead while a grizzled looking man with a metal hand who Rey doesn’t recognize stands in the background, waving Ben to follow him up a ramp into a small transport craft, ready for takeoff.

“I was weak. Full of fear that I wouldn’t meet Luke’s expectations, jealous that my peers might exceed my strength in the Force, angry that Master Luke wouldn’t let me learn things at my own pace...” Ben starts, his mind now focused inward on memories of the fateful days leading up to his betrayal to the dark side. “Then I started to sense the power that I felt my Master was holding me back from, one that I could tap into effortlessly when I was angry or afraid, and that allowed me to make the Force do  _ my  _ bidding, instead of trying to let it flow throw and control me as Master Luke taught. Then Snoke started to reach out to me.” Ben’s eyes flash with anger momentarily, before he takes a deep breath and continues.

“His presence started to come to me in my nightmares, luring me in with my grandfather’s legacy and how I could carry on what he started, promises that I would be able to lead a powerful new group of Force-users. He told me he could sense the pull of the dark in me, that he knew I would be  _ strong  _ with the dark side of the Force, showed me some of the incredible and impossible things I would be able to do with this new power.

I couldn’t get away from him, couldn’t talk to Master Luke for fear he would refuse to teach me anything else. Soon I was plotting with Snoke, spreading seeds of distrust and fear among the other padawans and forming a small army that would be able to subdue Luke and the ones who refused to join us and go to join the First Order.” Sweat is starting to bead on Ben’s forehead, the pain of retelling his fall from the light showing on his face now.

“I made plans for our group to attack, intending to leave all those who refused to join us dead in our wake to wipe out any resistance we might later face from the Jedi. We decided to strike at night, hoping we might have a small chance of taking our Master and those loyal to him unawares. We were foolish to think that Master Luke would be completely ignorant of our plans, that we could hide from someone so in-tune with those around him through the Force.

We didn’t take him by surprise, he was waiting for us. The battle was...” and here Ben has to stop, take a shaky breath before he can continue, “it was horrific. We killed boys and girls who cried out for their parents as they were cut down. We showed no mercy to those that begged for it with their last breaths. Some of our own number fell as well, Master Luke fighting more viciously than I thought possible, but clearly still trying to disarm or disable us instead of ending our lives. I had told Snoke’s new followers that Luke was mine to kill, thinking it would cement my alignment to the dark.

We ended up separated from the rest of the battle, surrounded by smoking temple ruins. I realized I was no match for Master Luke, but he was not going to make a killing blow on me and seemed hesitant to wound me in any way. I wanted to take advantage of this, because I saw it as a weakness, and finally managed to back him up against a wall, yanked his saber from his hand with the Force, and had my blade ready to sever his head from his body and complete my task to eradicate the Jedi.

No matter how hard I tried, how much fury or terror or loathing I pulled from myself, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Desperate to not fail and horrified at my weakness, I knocked him out with the Force and left him there, running back to what has left of my comrades and flee the planet to start our training with our new Master, our Supreme Leader.” Ben chokes out the last words, head collapsing into his hands as he reels from the remembered pain of what he just shared. Rey can feel his anguish through their connection, feels sucked into it herself until she’s dimly aware of tears slipping down her cheeks, unbidden and unstoppable.

Leia turns to wrap her arms around her son, stroking his hair and murmuring reassurances and she holds him as if he’s still a child who fits into the cradle of her arms and not a grown man that towers nearly a foot over her.

“It’s alright, Ben. You’re here now. We won’t leave you, never should have let you leave, never should have let you think you had to win our approval...” Leia says soothingly, and then Han is rising to his feet, coming to kneel in front of his son. There’s a stricken look still on his face from the graphic account, and the smuggler seems to still be processing what he’s heard. He grabs his son’s wrists, pulling them down so Ben looks up into his father’s weathered face.

“I can’t pretend like what you did doesn’t matter,” the older man starts, voice unsteady. “I can’t help but feel like some of it comes down to  _ us _ , though. We weren’t there enough for you, and for that I’m sorry. You, Ben Solo, will always be the greatest accomplishment of our lives. Even if you had been born without any power in the Force, we would have still been the proudest parents in the world because we could call you our son. You never had to prove anything to us, to to anyone else.”

Sobs wrack through Ben’s body at his father’s words, unable to voice his grief over the damning mistake he had made, the fatal path he had chose to follow. Rey is soon echoing Ben, their feelings too intertwined to separate anymore as Ben desperately grasps for and holds onto Rey’s presence in the Force, like a drowning man grasping a scrap of flotsam.

Time passes as the group of four huddle together in their mutual grief, Ben finally letting himself mourn for those innocents that were murdered at his command or his own hand during his betrayal. The chasm of despair threatens to engulf him whole, the presence of his parents and Rey serving as his only ballast.

Gradually the searing pain fades away to a bone-deep ache, and Ben’s parents pull back from his still slouched form. Leia motions to a room off of the living area and Han stands to assist Rey in pulling Ben up and slinging his arms over their shoulders, supporting most of the raven-haired man’s weight between them. The general stands to cup her son’s cheek and places one last kiss on his forehead, the gesture conveying the strength of her love for him when words are failing them all. Rey and Han manage to get Ben into the spare room, maneuvering him into a sitting position on the edge of the guest bed. The smuggler hesitates a minute before leaving the room, his usually imperturbable facade slipping as he looks on at his son, words unsaid hanging heavy in the room -  _ did I fail you as a father? was there something I could have done, could have said differently?  _ Han shakes his head faintly, perhaps answering his own unspoken questions, and shuts the door behind him as he leaves.

Rey sits down on the bed next to Ben, stroking his hair for a minute and contemplating where they go from here. In telling his parents and Rey how he had been seduced to the dark side, Ben had ripped open a wound, rending flesh and letting his blood flow like a sacrifice or peace offering laid at their feet. Rey knew it was a necessary step, that the pain was a fundamental and unavoidable part of Ben’s journey towards forgiveness and redemption.

She loses track of time as they sit like that, Ben’s breathing evening out slightly, and eventually he raises his head to look into her eyes, a bone-weary expression in his own. Rey grabs his hand, using the Force to assist her in tugging him to his feet. She gently removes the borrowed pilot’s jacket he’s still wearing and pulls back the quilted blanket on the bed, finally towing Ben back down to the bed to lie next to her. She brings his head to her chest, cradling the bigger man as best she can with their marked size difference. As she lays stroking Ben’s hair and listening to the faint sounds of the Resistance’s victory celebration outside, she feels something in the ex-Knight’s mind shift and morph - it’s small, but Rey notices immediately as the pinprick of light she had felt in him at their first meeting starts to grow, still surrounded by dark but pulsing faintly and growing brighter by degrees as something like  _ hope  _ courses through and around it.


	6. Chapter 6

Ben wakes in the morning unusually warm, and it takes his sleep-groggy mind a few moments to realize that the source of the extra heat is the wiry girl with her compact form curled into his own larger frame. The warmth and weight of another body next to his feels comfortable, soothing - or maybe that's just because it's  _ her  _ body.

At some point last night, Rey must have undressed them both before she fell asleep, both of them clad only in their undergarments now. Ben’s skin tingles pleasantly where it meets hers - warm, dry, and inexplicably soft for someone who was so recently a desert scavenger. He’s lying on his back, arm snugged around Rey’s shoulder as she pillows her head on his chest, puffs of breath tickling Ben’s skin slightly. Even as they slept, they were drawn to each other inexorably. As he reaches down to push a lock of hair from her forehead, Ben can’t help but notice how  _ young  _ Rey looks, how innocent and peaceful - her sleeping form is such a contrast to how she exists while awake: fierce, resilient, and constantly in motion. 

Ghosting over her mind with with own, Ben senses how calm and well-rested she is, her unconscious thoughts a nebulous pulse of contentment. He feels unusually energized himself - last night, he had slept soundly and dreamlessly, something he couldn’t remember having done since he was a very young child. The ex-Knight has nearly always been plagued by nightmares, gruesome scenarios and memories of awful things he had done or seen playing in a loop in his head. Waking peacefully instead of jolting awake in a cold and terrified sweat was a welcome change. While he couldn’t be sure, his gut told him that the young woman currently entangled with him under the thick quilt had something to do with his peaceful rest the night before.

Having a good night’s rest seems to have restored some of Ben’s optimism; he suddenly can rationalize last night's agonizing conversation as necessary evil in his healing process and not something to solidify his status as an unsavable monster as he had felt last night. He has a long way to go yet, and no illusions that things will be easy, but Ben finally feels as though something fundamental inside of him has shifted; he’s as ready as he can ever be to face the challenges necessary to redeem himself to his family and the Resistance.

His first challenge - extracting himself from Rey’s sleepy grasp and getting up out of the warm, safe haven of this bed - might prove the most difficult. Ben feels powerless to fight his draw to her, a supernova caught inescapably in the pull of a black hole. He traces the planes of her cheekbones with the tips of his fingers, slides them through her hair that fans out loosely on his chest and the bedsheets. He isn’t really intending to wake her, but can’t bring himself to keep his hands off of her when she’s so close, her skin and scent intoxicating. Rey begins to stir faintly and Ben feels her mind sluggishly slipping into consciousness. She reaches out with one sleep-clumsy hand, placing it high on his chest then stroking down to the waistband of his undergarments.

Ben squirms involuntarily, both ticklish at her light touch and starting to feel the stirrings of arousal deep in his belly. He had been aware of the press of her body against his before, but while she was sleeping it seemed innocent - now he felt hypersensitive along every inch of contact. He sends a wordless question into her mind,  _ do you want this, too?  _ and the warm rush of desire back along their connection is all the answer he needs.

Pulling her compact body on top of his, he runs his hands over the smooth expanse of her back, toying with the hem of her breastband; she in turn rolls her eyes good-naturedly at him and sits up to pull the undergarment over her head. His cock fills at the sight of her, the knowledge that she is  _ his  _ to touch and kiss and gaze upon alone.  _ Yes, Ben, yours. And don’t forget you’re  _ mine _ as well _ , her voice echoes in his head, and Ben can’t keep his eyes or his hands off her bared breasts, palming the swell of them and circling her pebbled nipples with this thumbs as she towers above him like a vision.

He can feel, even through her undergarments, how aroused she is. When she lifts up on her haunches in order to lean down and capture his mouth with her own, the damp fabric clings to his skin and he needs to have her naked  _ now  _ .

Ben rolls them over then, his tall and broad frame towering over her small and slight one. He works his way down her body with hungry kisses and small bites, stopping when he reaches her navel and pulling back to remove the last barrier of fabric between himself and  _ all  _ of her. His own undergarments join hers shortly after, thrown haphazardly into a far corner of the room.

The former Knight of Ren knows what he wants to do to her now that’s she bared so intimately to him; knows how he wants desperately to make her come apart under his lips and teeth and tongue, but he’s loathe to admit that he doesn’t know  _ how  _ . His hesitation (and his intent) must be inherent to Rey, as she is soon threading her fingers through his hair reassuringly and looking down at him with hooded eyes, pupils blown with lust for him.

He feels in that moment how much he wants to  _ serve  _ her in this, submit to her and communicate to her how grateful he is for giving him a way out and a second chance. Rey shoots him a confused look when he gets up from the already-disheveled bed, until he drops to his knees at its edge, grabbing her hips and positioning her legs so they’re dangling off the mattress. She sits up then, a knowing smirk crossing her face as she looks at his mouth expectantly.

Ben wants nothing less than to disappoint her, so he places one large hand on each knee and pushes her legs apart, moving forward so he is scant inches away from the most private part of her. He can sense her pulse picking up suddenly, feel the blood thrumming under his palms on her thighs. His hands slide up, one semi-cautious thumb pushing at her folds as he looks up to her for permission.

A flush of arousal has bloomed high on her cheekbones, rapidly spreading all the way down her chest. She looks down at him and knits her fingers into his thick, raven-black curls, and nods at him to continue.

He sets himself fully to the task then, parting her with both thumbs and taking a moment just to look at the gift she is giving him, laid out in front of him tantalizingly. He’s never been one to not give as good as he gets, however, now poking out his tongue to cautiously touch it to her most sensitive part.

_ Apparently I did the right thing,  _ thinks Ben, feeling smug and awed simultaneously, as Rey gasps out his name and uses the fingers she has tangled in his hair to haul his mouth in closer, every sound and action begging him for  _ more _ . Still a bit unsure of himself, he taps into their bond for all it’s worth, using her own sensory output to know where and how it feels best to lick, mouth at, and suck.

Rey’s moans are echoing in his ears, his tongue becoming sore as he works her over and his cock twitching in time to her tugs in his hair. He had never imagined the taste of her and the feel of her fluttering around his tongue could be so exquisite. He has to shove the heel of his hand against his aching cock to keep from shooting all over the carpet untouched, the combination of what his senses are taking in and what he can feel ghosting back from her through their link nearly enough to send him over the edge.

She seems to take pity on him then, as he hears her voice in his mind -  _ touch yourself, Ben  _ \- and his hand closes around his length like her command had been hardwired into his spine. He can’t contain the moan that’s ripped from his chest at the feeling of  _ something  _ around his cock, finally, and Rey jerks under his mouth as the vibrations from his moan ripple along her heated flesh. Ben looks up at her desperately -  _ I can’t last much longer  _ \- and she nods, sending a suggestion into his mind, which Ben is quick to fulfill.

Two of his long fingers slip inside of her easily, and he’s honestly a bit surprised he can manage this much multi-tasking when it feels like all the blood in his brain is currently throbbing through his cock. He focuses on angling his fingers like Rey’s mentally directing him, licking and sucking her clit and desperately rutting into his precome-slicked fist. He can’t believe how wet and tight she is, how  _ perfect _ , and he can’t help imagine how it would feel to have that slick heat around his cock - and with that thought, he’s coming, supernovas exploding behind his eyelids. Rey must feel the shockwave from his climax in her own mind, and she’s coming too, grabbing his hair tight enough to nearly hurt and rubbing herself against his face as his body clenches up through his orgasm.

Ben waits to move until Rey’s body goes slack, finally untangling her fingers from his dark mane and pulling him up onto the bed to sprawl half on top of her. She gives him a dopey smile then, stroking a hand down his back and letting out a little laugh.

“ _ Shit,  _ Ben. That was amazing. You’re amazing.” Something in Ben’s chest swells at the praise, and he gives her an answering smile. It’s then he realizes that he had come all over the carpet in his  _ mother’s guest room _ , and he springs up, frantically looking for his discarded undershorts to wipe up what he can of the mess. “Ben? What are you - “ she starts, then understanding dawns on her face and she lets out a guffaw. He opens the room’s modest-sized closet, finding the small carpet cleaning droid and setting it over the spot, relaxing then and flopping back down onto the bed with her.

“You’re amazing, too, you know,” he says back, pressing a kiss to her sweat-damp forehead before his face takes on a serious expression again. As much as he would like to hide away in this bed with Rey for the foreseeable future, the reality of their situation is washing over him again. She understands without a word, giving him another peck on the cheek before rising from the bed to wash up and dress, Ben following to do the same.

 

* * *

 

 

After making themselves presentable, Rey and Ben emerge from Leia’s quarters into one of the bunker’s many narrow hallways. Rey follows the smell of food to the mess hall, Ben walking a few steps behind. They don’t see any familiar faces at the long rows of tables, the hour being late enough that most active personnel are probably about their day’s business already.

Rey has to actively focus to not wolf down her breakfast, finding the habit she had developed out of necessity on Jakku hard to shake. She takes slow, measured bites despite how much better the “real food” tastes than the instant portion packs she had survived on for most of her life. It’s still hard for her to believe that food can be so abundant, that she can eat her fill on a daily basis without fear that tomorrow might bring hunger pains if she isn’t careful about rationing. It’s freeing to no longer have that ever-present concern, but when she considers that the bigger worry is if Ben will be tracked down by Snoke or the First Order, her past struggle to keep fed seems suddenly insignificant.

Once they’re finished with breakfast, Rey leads Ben out of the dining hall. Her fingers itch to reach out for his as they walk, but she refrains. They should probably establish that Ben can be trusted before she advertises that they’re romantically involved. Her goal for today is to start building up that trust - Leia had gone over a few maps of the base and surrounding area with her after they’d gotten Ben in bed last night, so thankfully she has a pretty good idea of how to get to the shooting range where Finn is likely training this morning. She has a nagging guilt at the back of her mind over the fact that she hadn’t told her friend the whole truth about Ben and his former identity, so the first thing on their agenda was to find the ex-’trooper and make things right.

They find him at the target range behind the bunker, shooting dummies dressed in First Order garb or scavenged stormtrooper armor. He’s got a smile on his face even as he squints in concentration to hit one of the targets, and Rey realizes that it must be odd for him to suddenly have freedom to do what he pleases after being subjected to the First Order’s conditioning and strict rules and regulations his whole life. She’s glad to see him joking with Resistance soldiers as they hone their blaster aim, apparently adjusting quite well to fighting and training on the opposite side of the war.

Poe Dameron is shooting next to him, the pilot letting out a victorious whoop as he hits a dummy squarely in the chest just as Rey and Ben approach the range. “Finn!” Rey shouts out, the stocky man turning quickly to flash her a smile as she strides towards him. “I heard you were quite the hero on the mission to Starkiller Base.”

“Sure,” he starts, rubbing at the back of his neck bashfully, “you could say that.” He’s got a wide grin, and he looks caught between trying to be humble and wanting to impress Rey and her companion, who he still believes to be a ‘trooper defector like himself. “But Poe probably deserves most of the credit, it was his squadron that took out the oscillators after all.”

The pilot, who Rey takes for someone who preens any chance he gets, is looking at Ben with a strange, unreadable expression clouding over his features. She glances between Poe and Finn, the latter’s grin faltering as he takes in the look on Poe’s face. Ignoring Finn’s compliment, the Resistance fighter suddenly asks Ben, “do I know you from somewhere?”

“I’m not sure,” Ben starts, voice and expression wary as recognition flicks in his eyes. Something seems to suddenly click into place for Poe, and his demeanor goes from concerned to hostile in a flash. 

Eyes narrowed and blatantly thumbing at the safety knob of the blaster he’s still holding at his side, the pilot clenches his jaw as he responds to Ben. “I am. I had heard the rumor that you had come back, but I guess I didn’t think it was possible. No wonder the General and Han were acting so strangely after you both arrived yesterday.” Poe’s voice is cold, almost emotionless, but his eyes flash with barely-contained anger. “I should kill you, here and now, for what you did to your parents and to the Resistance, never mind how you tortured  _ me _ . Count yourself lucky that I respect your mother as much as I do.”

Poe pushes past Ben roughly, finally holstering his blaster as he strides away from the range. The ex-Knight looks stunned, as though he’s still processing what just occurred. Finn looks from Rey to Ben and back again, a puzzled expression on his face. He turns to Ben then, apparently unable to fight the urge to protect Rey.

“Is there something I need to know, here?” he begins, hand falling on his own holstered blaster as his eyes dart over to Rey, “do you need me to walk you back to the bunker?” He doesn’t say it out loud, but she hears his implied sentiment anyway -  _ I need to know you’re safe with him _ .

Rey opens her mouth to assure her friend, to deliver the explanation that had been their purpose for seeking him out this morning in the first place. Before she can start, Ben holds up his hand and lets out a sigh - Rey feels a grim determination coming from him through their bond.The tension builds until Ben finally speaks. “My name is Ben Solo, although you knew me under a different name, FN-2187,” Finn flinches at the mention of his ‘trooper serial, narrowing his eyes at the long-haired man. He looks understandably unsure of where Ben could be heading with this, but it’s clear he’s growing increasingly more sure that the man in front of him had not been one of his ‘trooper comrades. “I was called Kylo Ren when I last saw you, on Takondana.”

“You -- you’re Kylo Ren? That  _ monster _ ?” Finn spits out, eye narrowing as he hastily but calmly unholsters his target-practice blaster, flicking off the safety and pulling it free from his belt in one fluid motion. He quickly moves to step in between his friend and his former superior, but Rey stops him by swiftly putting a hand to his chest.

“Finn, please listen to me. He’s not  _ Kylo Ren  _ anymore, he’s Ben Solo now, and he’s my -- my  _ friend _ . I need you to trust me on this,” she pleads, not wanting to lose Finn’s friendship over a misunderstanding, desperately not wanting the situation to turn violent. 

The ex-’trooper gently pushes Rey’s hand down, striding right into Ben’s space and pointing the blaster threateningly at the taller man’s chest. “Did you know this  _ man _ , who you say is your  _ friend _ , ordered my ‘trooper unit to slaughter innocent villagers on Jakku? That he tortured Poe himself to try and get the location of the map to Luke Skywalker? Or has he left out those little  _ details _ ?” Finn bites out harshly, venom in his voice.

Ben flicks his eyes to Rey quickly, and then is the first to move. He reaches for his belt, unclipping the hilt of his lightsaber and hefting the weapon into one hand. The shorter man flinches at the sight of the cross-shaped hilt and his grip on the blaster tightens visibly, a muscle twitching in his jaw. Thankfully he holds his fire and the former Knight slowly turns the saber so the pommel is pointing towards Finn, clearly offering his weapon in a gesture of peace. “I know you’re important to Rey, and obviously it’s a mutual feeling. I value her more than anything in this galaxy, and because I know how much you mean to her, I need you to trust that I’m not here to hurt her, or you, or anyone else.” 

Finn eyes the hilt warily, gaze flicking from the hilt to Rey’s eyes and then finally to Ben’s. He takes the saber hesitantly, then ignites the weapon, red cross blazing and crackling in the late morning air. “Strike me down now, if you don’t believe me -- if you don’t believe  _ Rey _ . I know the crimes I committed, and I’ll carry the weight of the lives I took or commanded to be taken for the rest of my life.”

Finn looks to Rey, still wielding the ex-Knight’s blade. She knows that if she commanded it, Finn would strike down Ben right now without fear for his own safety if the other man managed to use the Force against him. Rey looks at Finn earnestly, nodding to him and saying, “it’s true, Finn, it’s all true.”

At Rey’s reassurance, Finn extinguishes the blade. “I suppose nothing can surprise me, anymore, not after I was nearly killed by a ranthar and flew on the  _ Millennium Falcon  _ with Han Solo and Chewbacca.” Finn shrugs, and Rey feels a flood of relief with the knowledge that they have his support. She doesn’t know how she would have managed if things had gone differently - being forced to chose between Ben and Finn would have torn her apart. On Takodana, she had thought she was going to lose him to a work ship heading to the Outer Rim - losing him now, when she felt like she needed his friendship the most, would have been devastating. 

“It means more than you know, Finn,” she says, enfolding him in a tight hug and pulling back to give him a  relieved smile. Having her friend on their side may seem like a small victory, but Rey can’t help but feel like another piece has slotted into place. Every ally they can get is a victory in its own right, and they’ve made one more step ahead, no matter how modest it may be.  


	7. Chapter 7

Gossip spreads like wildfire in the close-quarters of a wartime bunker. Ben had been well aware of that fact, but he certainly hadn’t realized to what extent it would effect him on the Resistance base. 

Ben, Rey, and Finn had spend the rest of the morning and part of the early afternoon in a secluded grove a short distance from the main bunker, Finn listening enraptured as Rey and Ben recount their escape and the ex-Knight wrenches open his wounds again to tell Finn the story of how Ben Solo became Kylo Ren, then came back to the light and returned to his former self.  

It isn’t as difficult as it had been with his parents, perhaps because it’s less personal this time, perhaps because he had already recounted the sequence of events once before. Again, Ben realizes that the pain was necessary, cleansing even, although in a distinctly different way from how he had utilized pain as part of Snoke’s training. Then, pain had fed his anger and hatred, which in turn had funneled into his power; now the pain grounded him. It fed into his grief and guilt, felt like an atonement, and built on his strength and determination to strive towards making things right.

At the end of his arduous story, Finn puts a supportive hand on Ben’s shoulder, no words exchanged but the intent of the gesture clear. They’ve made an ally; a steadfast and brave one at that, and it gave Ben hope that maybe people could be more accepting and forgiving than he gave them credit for.

After their conversation, the trio walk through the tunnel-like corridors of the bunker towards the mess hall for dinner, Rey and Finn apparently reminiscing about what it had been like to fly on the  _ Falcon _ . Ben pushes down the flare of jealousy that he feels when he sees the two of them interact. It makes him feel petty and childish to admit it, but Ben Solo has never been good at sharing, and Kylo Ren had been even worse. Rey wasn’t his possession, though - despite how hard the bond tugged at them or how intermingled their destinies seemed to be, she would never be his to  _ own _ . He grimaces as he wrestles with the possessive thing inside himself, forcing it down bit by bit. He watches them smile at each other and talk excitedly about their shared experience, repeatedly reminding himself that it was  _ good  _ and  _ healthy  _ that Rey had a friend like Finn - loyal, kind, and trusting. 

The ex-‘trooper, like Ben’s parents, had not really needed to be told just what the nature of Ben and Rey’s relationship was. Rey had started to explain to her friend, but he had kindly cut her off with an “I know, Rey. How could anyone not  _ see  _ what you two have?” A flash of something like disappointment, or maybe pining, had passed through his eyes then, but was gone before it could solidify. His stormtrooper conditioning had most likely made him able to easy resign himself to accept things he couldn’t change; Ben might not know the man well yet, but he could already tell that Finn wasn’t the type of man to let Rey’s relationship throw a wrench into their friendship.

As the two were talking animatedly, Finn pantomiming some sort of tentacled creature, Ben steps back, mouthing to Rey,  _ you two go on ahead _ . Rey gives him a questioning look accompanied by a mental query -  _ where are you going, and are you sure it’s a good idea to go alone?  _ The tall man gives her a reassuring smile, then -  _ I sense my parents are back in the General’s quarters, I wanted to go see them and make sure we’re all on the same wavelength after -  _ and here his smile falters a bit -  _ after what I told them last night _ . Rey nods in understanding, and gives his hand a quick squeeze with the Force before turning back to Finn and continuing their jaunt to the mess hall dinner.

As he walks down the corridors towards the wing of the bunker where his mother’s quarters are located, Ben starts to realize just how fast the Resistance had learned about his true origins.  _ So much for getting away pretending to be an ex-stormtrooper for a few more days  _ , he thinks.

In the First Order, Ben had been on the receiving end of others’ intense hatred just as much, if not more often than, he had been on the giving end. He had fed on it, reveled in it, allowed his power to feast on the hate around him and within him ravenously. The looks from those he passes in the hallway of the Resistance base were not unfamiliar or unrecognizable to him, therefore, but instead carried an eerie familiarity. Glares and sneers distorted the faces of those around him, some of whom even went as far as to openly and deliberately put a hand on their holstered blasters, giving him the clear signal that he isn’t accepted here.

General Organa must indeed be well respected if he is still allowed to walk free and unharmed within the base; he’s not fool enough to think that these people would hold themselves back from ripping him to shreds as vengeance for their fallen comrades and loved ones if it wasn’t for their loyalty to his mother.

Ben reasoned, then, that something must have set off the Resistance fighters’ open ire of him between this morning and now, and he had a sinking suspicion it had something to do with a certain X-wing pilot.

Not trying harder to make amends with Poe Dameron had been a definite mistake on Ben’s part, and one he may quickly come to regret. The man clearly holds quite a bit of sway over those fighting under their shared cause, as evidenced by how readily his comrades have rallied behind Poe to show their disdain openly to the ex-Knight. Kylo Ren may have fed off their malice, or turned it into terror, but Ben Solo feels dragged down by it, defeated by the hatred in the eyes of these would-be allies.

He finally manages to reach his mother’s quarters, thankfully passing fewer and fewer Resistance personnel as he nears her door, and once through it he slumps back against the solid surface, thankful to be sheltered from accusing eyes.

When he enters the quarters, Han Solo and Leia Organa are sitting on the room’s smaller couch watching a New Republic holonews station. At the sound of the door slamming behind Ben, the holo is quickly switched off and Leia quickly rises and crosses over to where her son stands, looking like a small lost boy instead of the powerful man he had become.

Leia doesn’t need to use the Force or see into his mind to know her son is hurting, her motherly instincts rushing to the surface despite their many years of disuse. She places her arms around him comfortingly, stroking his back and shoulders and asking without words for him to share his hurts with her.

“They  _ know _ , mother. They know, and they hate me for it.” Ben nearly sobs out, no longer able to prevent the held-back anguish from washing over him like a tidal wave.

“Dameron stormed in saying he had recognized you - said he understood you were our son, but that he couldn’t believe we’d let a murderer walk among our friends and allies,” his father begins, moving towards his son and wife as he speaks, “your mother nearly ordered him to leave the base.”

Ben looks down at his mother, then, amazed that she would risk alienating her best pilot to defend her son. His parents’ capacity to love him so utterly and unconditionally continues to awe Ben.

“I couldn’t let him say those things about you, Ben. I told him you had changed, had come back to the light. He didn’t want to believe it. He left just as angry as before, and I’m not surprised that the cause of his anger spread around the base - Poe Dameron is a man others will follow without hesitation.” His mother is looking back up at him as she speaks, sadness reflected in her eyes. He sees something else there, too - a fierceness that Ben knows always dwells below the surface, the spark that has allowed her to lead men and women into war, to never stop her fight against the wrongs in the galaxy.

“He is not your enemy, Ben, and I believe you can still win him to your cause. He has a good reason for the way he feels towards you, and I think you know that, but he is an honorable man and one who is just as devoted to those he believes fights for his cause as others are to him. You need to make the man your ally, and the rest will follow.” His mother finishes, then pulls back to smooth his hair. “In the meantime, no one from the Resistance will harm you. They all hold me in high enough esteem for that much, at least.”

 

* * *

 

 

Being away from Ben after hardly leaving each other’s line of sight in the past couple of days feels odd to Rey, but she recognizes that much of the man's journey to reclaim his former self would need to be completed alone. She would always give him support, even if it was from a distance out of necessity, and she would always be ready to swoop in and fight tooth and nail for him if needed.

Reaching out through their bond to check up on the ex-Knight, she senses Ben is speaking with his parents now, upset about something but not distressed and definitely safe. If she pushed, she thinks could probably see through his eyes and hear what he was hearing. The extent of their Force link is still a little difficult to wrap her head around, especially with how it had strengthened over the past day of close proximity. She respects Ben’s privacy, however, and once she knows he’s safe, she puts her focus back on her conversation with Finn.

“So then, we snuck up behind Captain Phasma - she was my superior officer, see - and took her prisoner. She was the one who inputted the commands to bring down the shields around the planet.” The excited gleam in Finn’s eyes is contagious, and Rey finds herself easily absorbed into his story. She gasps at their close calls, chuckles at Han and Chewie’s antics, and nearly whoops in triumph when the trio finally escape the dying planet on the  _ Falcon  _ at the end of his tale.

Finn’s beaming ear to ear now, and Rey can tell he is extremely grateful to have a captive audience for his story. They are both still so isolated, she and him, dropped in the middle of a fight they had only barely known existed, so fundamentally different from the lives they had led  _ before _ . Being alone was an integral part of Rey’s life on Jakku, and in some ways it had been the same for Finn, she thought. Both may have interacted with others on a daily basis, sometimes been surrounded by a crowd, even - but neither had possessed anything like a real connection with someone else.

With these thoughts in her head, she grabs Finn’s hand, like he had done to her so many times during their whirlwind escapes and near misses the first few days of their friendship, and gives it a friendly squeeze.

“I’m so glad to have you as a friend, Finn. You’re one of the bravest people I know,” she tells him earnestly, referring to both his mission to Starkiller and his acceptance of Ben. Finn seems to know what’s on her mind, and he gives her hand a squeeze back as his face turns serious.

“Likewise to both,” he nods back. His features shift into something more serious then, and he looks at Rey thoughtfully. “Since I’ve tossed my own lot in with yours and Ben’s now, we need to start figuring out how we’re going to convince Poe and the rest of the Resistance members on this base that Ben isn’t their enemy anymore.”

“Of course - but why would they think he’s their enemy? For all they know, he’s just an ex ‘trooper, like you - “ Rey starts, brow furrowing slightly in confusion at Finn’s comment.

“Surely you noticed the way people have looked at Ben today, the way they’ve been looking at  _ you _ ,” he begins to explain, and Rey realizes that she  _ hadn’t  _ noticed, had been too caught up in her thoughts and then Finn’s story. She wants to kick herself for being so unobservant when a careless move could break their fragile peace with the Resistance and enough mistakes could even land them in the First Order’s lap. Unaware of Rey’s realization, Finn continues on, “...and I know it’s because Poe’s word has spread and they’re afraid and angry to have an ex-Knight of Ren among them. _ I  _ know he’s changed, but the man did kill a lot of these people’s families and friends, and for all  _ they _ know he could be unstable and ready to turn back or even be a spy.”

“You’re right, of course, these people have no reason to trust Ben. I'm honestly surprised things didn't turn violent now that his identity isn't a secret anymore.”

“Everyone knows that he's off limits since he's the General’s son, no one would dare hurt him out of respect for her.”

Rey hadn't thought of that, but it made perfect sense. At least Ben was safe from harm or imprisonment here, even if he wasn't about to make any friends among the soldiers and other base personnel.

“Lucky for the both of you, then, that Poe and I are buddies. It won't be easy, but I think we can bring him around.”

 

* * *

 

 

Ben hadn't really planned on staying the whole afternoon in his mother's quarters. The hours had flown by, however, once they had fallen into a discussion on plans to reconcile Ben to the Resistance, which morphed into plans for how Ben's inside information about the First Order might be helpful to them, and finally they had somehow shifted into reminiscing about Ben's childhood and early adolescence.

“Ben, surely you remember the time you were trying to set the table for dinner with the Force and accidentally dropped a whole bowl full of soup on Luke’s head?” His mother was having a hard time holding back her laughter, even though she was putting up a valiant effort to not wound his pride overly much.

“I only dropped the bowl because I got distracted, if it hadn't been for Dad  _ sneaking up behind me -” _

“Luke still had a few peas in his hair when he came over the next day!” Han finishes, making no effort to hold in his raucous laughter. Ben can't help himself either, then, and joins in on their mirth even as his cheeks tinge pink with the remembered embarrassment. The memory of uncle Luke with the thick green soup dripping over his head and shoulders was pretty priceless, though, Ben had to admit.

Ben couldn't remember the last time he had truly laughed - not with malice, but with genuine happiness and humor. It was like a soothing balm over his hurts, something he hadn't realized he needed until now. Knowing he could have these moments of happiness with his family - despite the betrayal they had faced and the insurmountable-seeming challenges that still lie ahead - made the galaxy seem a bit brighter, made what was ahead of them a little less frightening.

Han and Leia were interrupted from further embarrassing Ben by a hesitant knock on the front door. Ben reaches out with the Force to try and get a read on their visitor, and is unsurprised to find Rey and Finn are on the other side of the door. Ben stretches out to Rey though their bond, and their minds meld together until they are nearly seamless; the mental equivalent of an embrace passing between them.

Leia, being they are in  _ her  _ quarters after all, gets up to go answer the door. She invites the two visitors in graciously, directing them to have a seat in the living area. Rey plops down next to Ben and Finn tentatively sits in one of the armchairs, clearly a little unsure of what to do with himself now that he is in the quarters of the Resistance’s leader.

They exchange a bit of small talk then, Leia asking Finn if he has been settling into life at the base comfortably so far while Han and Rey strike up a quick conversation about some repairs that need to be done on the  _ Falcon  _ after its last voyage. Rey looks a bit jumpy, and Ben can’t help but pick up on it through their bond.  _ What is it?  _ he asks her subliminally, and instead of answering him through their connection she instead speaks out loud.

“We came to get Ben because we think he needs to go find Poe and make a truce before tensions get any higher around here,” Rey says abruptly.

Leia nods at Rey’s sudden comment, adding “we’ve just discussed the same thing. Building a good reputation for Ben is going to be essential when it comes time for our officers to trust and act on the First Order intelligence he shares with the Resistance. He can’t build that mutual respect if people are still thinking of him as Kylo Ren instead of Ben Solo.”

The man in question stands up then, giving his parents both a quick embrace before heading back out of the safe haven of Leia's quarters and into the much more hostile-feeling bunker. As they stride through the semi-underground corridors, Ben can't help but walk quickly, feeling anxious to put this inevitable confrontation behind him as soon as possible.

 

* * *

 

 

Finding Poe Dameron, despite the fairly large size and population of the bunker, had been unexpectedly easy. Finn knew his usual hangouts, and as a last resort also knew where his quarters were located - thankfully it hadn’t taken them long at all to find the pilot working on his X-wing in one of the mechanical and repair bays of the hangar. Rey breathed a sigh of relief that they wouldn’t have to go to Poe’s quarters for their talk, worried that things might go sour quickly if they were forced to make peace on his “turf” instead of more neutral ground.

Finn approaches Poe first, a move the trio had all agreed on beforehand, while Rey and Ben stand at a distance. They’re close enough to be within earshot if Ben uses the Force to enhance his hearing a bit, but far enough away that it might look to Poe at first as though the two figures had not come here with Finn, but were instead there on some business of their own.

“Still trying to recalibrate that right ion cannon, Poe?” Rey and Ben hear Finn ask conversationally as he walks up to the pilot, who is wearing a drab mechanic’s coveralls and has one arm nearly shoulder-deep in the array housing one of the ship’s weapons. The ex-‘trooper’s voice fades away as he strides towards the X-wing and the pilot tinkering with it, but Ben and Rey continue to watch as Poe gives Finn a smile and a pat on the back before slipping into a bit of mechanic’s jargon that Finn is clearly trying his best to keep up with. Ben and Rey turn away from the two then, letting Finn settle Poe into a positive mood before the real conversation can begin.

_ What if this doesn’t go well?  _ Rey asks over their Force connection.  _ He might spit in your face, refuse to hear you out -- this makes me nervous, Ben. _

_ From what I’ve heard of the man, and from my previous... encounter with him, I think he’s fiercely loyal and devoted to doing what he thinks is right. He might not have an ounce of trust for  _ me  _ right now, but he’ll take the word of his friend at face value and he definitely won’t openly defy my mother, if we have to bring her word into this.  _ He gives her hand a reassuring squeeze, knowing he can’t hide his own nervousness from her when they’re in each other’s minds like this, even though his inner voice may sound confident and selfsure.

_ But there’s no guarantee, Ben, he was captured and tortured at your - I mean, Kylo Ren’s - hand.  _ Rey bites her lip, unable to hold back a physical reaction to her apprehension over the situation. She takes a deep breath, trying to cleanse her mind of the negative feeling before it worms its way in Ben’s head as well and becomes an inescapable feedback loop of gnawing anxiety.

_ We’ll leave here, then. There are other Resistance bases, New Republic planets where we would be safe, even Outer Rim systems where no one would know us and the First Order would never find us  _ , Ben’s mental voice had a desperate edge; he and Rey both knew that the path they were destined to walk on did not involve running away, metaphorical tails between their legs, and leaving the Resistance to fight on without them. Hanging between them, unspoken, was the bone-deep understanding that their lives were now inseparably twined together and wherever one went, the other would follow.

_ And leave your family? I don’t think so. Besides, the inside information you have about the First Order will be most useful to the Resistance leaders that are on  _ this  _ base - you’re needed here, even if they don’t know it yet.  _ Rey feels a nearly imperceptible swell of something from Ben’s mind at her words -  _ you’re needed here  _ echoing in Ben’s head, accompanied by something she can’t quite put a name to - but if feels a bit like contentment and pride.

“Then it’s very important this goes well, isn’t it?” Ben speaks out loud now, albeit in a whisper, “as a last resort - have you ever heard of Jedi mind tricks?”

Ben’s mouth quirks up slightly at the words, possibly at Rey’s apparent lack of recognition as well, and Rey hopes that they don’t have to employ  _ any kind  _ of mind tricks to sway Poe, but grimly realizes that it might be their only option if the conversation doesn’t go their way.

Rey’s head snaps up as she hears, faintly in the background, Finn’s voice rising a bit and speaking the words that the three had agreed were the “signal” for the two Force-sensitives to approach the two soldiers.

“Well, Poe, the real reason I came to talk to you was because -- “ Rey and Ben stride into the pilot’s line of sight as the words tumble from Finn’s mouth.

Poe doesn’t wait for Finn to finish  _ his  _ explanation of why they had come. Rey is a bit surprised at how cool the tone of his voice is, but there’s no mistaking the feelings and intent behind the words - they cut with icy anger instead of burning with a flare of fury.

“ - because you wanted me to speak with your scavenger friend and  _ Kylo Ren _ ?”

 

* * *

 

 

They haven’t even said a word to Poe, yet, and already Ben has to employ deep breathing techniques to maintain his calm. The exercises are a relic from his short-lived Jedi training with his uncle Luke, something he cast away when he started encouraging his anger as a Sith apprentice instead of trying to subdue it as a Jedi-in-training. He hasn’t struggled much with controlling himself since he made the decision to forsake the dark side, but something about the pilot’s blatant distrust of Ben and outright refusal of his severance from the First Order grates Ben’s nerves like nothing else has since his return.

Maybe it’s because Poe’s sentiment echoes the doubts in Ben’s own mind, the small voice in the lonely, dark corner of his psyche that that whispers  _ monster  _ and  _ murderer _ . The part of him that doesn’t think he’ll ever be  _ worthy  _ of forgiveness, that he’ll ever deserve even the smallest scrap of the trust, love, and understanding that his parents and Rey have given him.

He forces himself to shove his doubts back, fearing they’ll show on his face if he doesn’t.

“Ben Solo. My name is Ben Solo, now.” He starts with a calm voice, but keeping his tone firm. “Kylo Ren was a servant of the First Order and I’ve left that part of me behind now.”

“I find it interesting that you think you can just pick up and discard identities whenever you please, like somehow that erases everything you did under a certain name.” The pilot’s stance is unbelievably tense, like he’s ready to face the ex-Knight in a firefight if it comes down to it. “You did it when you first betrayed us all, too - changed your name like being Kylo Ren erased everything Ben Solo ever was. Do you know what it was like when I had to watch Han and Leia go through  _ losing their only son _ ? you have no idea how much damage you did to those around you, not to mention anyone you went on to kill or torture or maim -- “ Poe cuts himself off, then, clearly attempting to control his anger despite how strongly the emotion seems to be coursing off of him.

Ben hadn’t really wanted to bring their past into this - they had spent some time around each other as young children, their parents in the same circles and the two boys about the same age. Ben hadn’t recognized the pilot as someone from his childhood when he was captured on Jakku and interrogated, nor had he realized his identity when they had first encountered him this morning. His childhood had, up until his defection, been a source of weakness; a temptation to the light that he had tried to eradicate under Snoke's command. Poe, being the older of the two, must have remembered Ben more clearly and it explained how he had recognized him without the mask this morning and known that he was Han and Leia’s son.

During their earlier conversation, Ben’s parents had recounted how Poe was a pilot in training, working under General Organa, when Ben went to the dark side - but Ben didn’t realize that Dameron would have been so close to his parents during that time, or that his betrayal would have affected him so strongly. The man clearly had a deep admiration and respect for Han and Leia - and he was stuck between wanting to hate their son for what he had done and wanting to trust their judgement about Ben Solo being a changed man.

It made for a very tense situation.

“I know exactly what I did - I’m trying to atone for it any way I can, but I can’t very well help the Resistance by giving them First Order intelligence if everyone at the base wishes I were dead,” Ben bites back. He’s holding his frustration in check, if just barely, but it’s tough knowing this man is an obstacle between him and doing what he can to make things up to the Resistance. Most infuriating is that Ben feels like Poe’s just not  _ listening  _ .

“And how are we to know it isn’t faulty intel, designed to send our fighters into a trap? How do we know you’re not giving  _ them  _ intelligence about  _ us  _ right now?” Poe has stepped in closer to Ben, shoulders back and a hard, cold look in his eyes. Finn and Rey shift nervously behind the two men, both sensing the heightening tension.

“You have to trust that I’m not - that I’m really on  _ your  _ side now. If you don’t want to or can’t take my word for it, surely you can listen to my parents, or to your friend Finn, or to Rey - “

“And who does she think she is, this little  _ desert scavenger _ , to bring back a dangerous criminal to our base -”

And at that, the tension snaps.

Finn, loyalty torn between his two friends, steps in front of Rey, who in turn tries to get around him to Ben.

The ex-Knight loses the thread of control he was hanging on to and grabs hold of the Force as it rushes through his body and mind. He freezes Poe in his tracks, clinging onto the last shred of his composure to make sure the grip is gentle, that the man can still control everything above his waist; Ben doesn’t think reminding the man of the time Kylo Ren had petrified Poe with the Force before taking him captive on Jakku will be helpful in calming him down.

“You can say all you want about me. Hell, I probably even deserve it. But if you think you can bring  _ her  _ into this, like you understand one  _ iota _ of our situation, of her situation -- “ Ben leaves the threat unsaid. He doesn’t want this to get any more out of hand than it already has, hopes that he hasn’t already lost the hope of having Poe as an ally.

“Poe, you have to listen to him! He’s on our side! You’re being unreasonable and we both know it,” Finn is nearly shouting, loud words reverberating in the cavernous hangar. He lowers his voice, then - “I know you’re trying to do what you think is right, trying to be loyal to the Resistance. But you need to understand that Ben _is_ _not the enemy_ any more, and he can be valuable to our cause. Think about how much he knows about the First Order! That could be the most powerful weapon the Resistance’s ever had. If you can't or won't believe Ben, then believe me, believe Han Solo and General Organa.”

Ben can see Poe is calming a bit, listening to Finn’s reasoning. Ben releases the pilot, wanting to show him the kind of trust that he’s asking for himself.

“Finn, this man forced information out of me, he  _ broke  _ me in the interrogation chair - people died because of me, because I couldn’t be strong enough to -- ”

Ben then has the sickening realization that part of the reason Poe has been so resistant to his defection from the First Order is because Kylo Ren’s interrogation forced the man to betray the Resistance, to give away secret information. Part of this was about Poe Dameron’s  _ guilt _ , and somehow that made it both easier and harder for Ben to face.

Finn starts speaking first, then, moving towards his friend to lay a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Poe, you can’t possibly believe that  _ you  _ weren’t strong enough, you - “

Ben cuts him off, gently, knowing it’s his place to atone to this man. “They nearly couldn't break you, Poe, you withstood more than several people combined could have. I don't know what I can ever do to gain your trust or even begin to make things right,” he pauses there, honestly not knowing how to continue. He’s at a loss for how to make this man believe what he’s saying.

Poe seems to understand then, the angry look in his eyes fading to acceptance. “I understand. Don’t expect me to trust you fully - not now, maybe not ever. But this isn’t a fight worth wasting our energy on, we have a common enemy now and defeating the First Order should be our focus.” The pilot hangs his head slightly, shoulders slumped, but Ben doesn’t want him to feel defeated, doesn’t want him to think there’s been a winner and a loser in their confrontation.

“Poe Dameron,” Ben reaches out his hand to the man, a peace offering, “I am honored to have you as my comrade in our fight against the First Order.”

At that, Poe’s lips quirk up into the barest hint of a smile, his posture now straightening and taking on his usual confident demeanor.

“Likewise,  _ Ben Solo _ .”


	8. Chapter 8

With Poe Dameron as an ally, things had improved rapidly for Rey and Ben around the base. Rey can’t help but notice that the overall atmosphere around the Resistance’s bunker and outlying camp has changed since Ben’s reconciliation with Poe, and she is amazed yet again at how influential the man is, how much the others in the Resistance seem to value his opinion.

There certainly are still challenges, those who are still a bit (or in some cases, extremely) distrustful of the ex-Knight in their midst. Rey doesn’t blame them - can’t blame them, really. If she hadn’t been in the man’s head, seen and  _ felt  _ his innermost hopes and desires and needs, she would probably be skeptical about Ben’s coming back to the light as well.

They’ve fallen into a routine; something Rey might even be able to call  _ normal _ , providing she doesn’t think too hard about any of the things that make their life so completely  _ ab _ normal. They train alongside the other Resistance fighters, spend downtime with Ben’s family and the few friends they’ve made so far among their comrades, and Rey tinkers with the endless variety of speeders and spacecraft around the base while Ben meets with Resistance leaders to share First Order secrets.

Most importantly, though, Rey has begun her training with the Force.

Ben has been a good teacher so far, but he was understandably very hesitant, worried that he would use too much of the dark side of the Force in her training and put some sort of a taint on her. Rey initially had been insistent that she wouldn’t be tempted to the dark side, that she had no desire to bow down to someone like Snoke; when Ben had pulled her aside and showed her the memories, feelings, and ultimately the actions that accompanied his own temptation and fall to the dark side, however, she had dropped it. Rey might not ever understand it quite as well as Ben, but the pull to the dark side could be inescapable, could prey on those with even the smallest speck of weakness or doubt inside of them, and Rey has no illusions that she’s totally invincible or incorruptible.

She quickly realizes that when it comes to her training with Ben, she will take whatever it is she can get; even the most basic, rudimentary things he teaches her are astounding and overwhelming to Rey. She finally has a name and a fledgling understanding of that presence - that gut instinct - that had always been extant within her, and she wants nothing more than to drown herself in it. Ben teaches her to meditate, and the awareness and heady sense of the sheer  _ power  _ of the Force that it brings her is intoxicating, addicting. He teaches her how to use the Force to increase her focus, speed, and alertness during a fight. He teaches her how to manipulate objects with the Force, how to sense the life around her even to the point of perceiving other’s emotions. It sparks a thirst for knowledge, stronger than any thirst for water she had ever felt on Jakku.

But Ben refuses to teach her some things, answers some of her questions with  _ I don’t know  _ or  _ you’ll need to ask Master Luke when we find him _ , even though Rey  _ knows  _ that Ben has a much deeper grasp of the Force than what he is willing to share with her at this point in time. She can sense the power he possesses thrumming through his veins, pulsing in his mind, and she wonders how much of that power stems from the dark and how much from the light now.

Rey understands his reasons for holding back on her, she really does, but feeling helpless to continue her training in the way she hungers for is frustrating to her all the same.

Having the luxury of extra time also allows Ben and Rey to relax; something that’s still so foreign to both of them. Rey has a hard time slowing down at first, feeling the need to be busy was interlocked with survival; on Jakku, if you weren’t working, you wouldn’t last long. Spare parts don’t find themselves and nothing to trade meant nothing to eat. She had adjusted though, albeit slowly, learned that it was perfectly acceptable to spend some of her time reading, watching trashy holos, or even just lying about.

Luxuriating in bed might be one of Rey’s favorite new pastimes, and this particular morning lent itself to it so beautifully. Rain is pounding on the ground above the bunker - although the sound doesn’t reach them through the thickly armored walls and ceiling, the quiet tranquility of the rainy morning blankets them through the Force.

Rey couldn’t remember a time in her life when she had been able to indulge in sleep, to lie in bed without any urgent task forcing her awake and alert.  _ I haven’t been able to have a lie-in since I was a child,  _ Ben thinks over their bond as he absentmindedly strokes the skin on her exposed shoulder,  _ as a Knight of Ren, it wasn’t unusual to be woken abruptly in the middle of the night by Snoke, torn from my sleep and forced to fight my exhaustion for hours or even days until he gave me the permission to rest again _ .

Rey reaches up for his face, small hand sliding over his cheek in reassurance as her brow furrows in empathy and concern over Ben’s shared memory. The raven-haired man reaches down to capture her hand in his own, planting a kiss to each of the fingers in turn.  _ It’s alright now, Rey _ , comforting her even though  _ he  _ was the one who had suffered the abuse at his ex-Master’s hand.  _ Thinking back on how atrocious things were then only helps me to appreciate how much better it is now. _

Rey gives him a smile, then pulls back and leans on one elbow so she can look at his face. It was sometimes still hard to wrap her head around the fact that this man, who had done so many evil things at the command of the First Order, had changed so much in the past few weeks since their fateful escape from Starkiller base.  _ The Force works in mysterious ways _ , the mantra went - or so Ben had told her, and Rey couldn’t help but feel that it was true. She never could have guessed how strong the spark of light inside of him had been when she had first sensed it as the prisoner of the masked Knight of Ren. Now it had grown nearly exponentially, exploding out from itself like a supernova. Whenever Rey reached for the torrent of the Force within Ben now, she felt something oddly like harmony between the dark and the light, the two parts coexisting instead of one drowning the other out like she had thought they would.

“The dark will never completely subside within me, you know.” Despite looking as though he’s nearly asleep, the tall man must have been listening in after all as Rey’s startled out of her thoughts by Ben’s deep voice.

“How can you be sure, Ben?”

“It’s as much of an integral part of me as the light is a part of you,” he starts, eyes unfocusing as he stares past Rey in contemplation. “I can change myself, atone for my past - but I can’t erase it. Poe was right, changing my name doesn’t wipe the slate clean. A part of me will always be Kylo Ren, just as I could never totally eradicate the shred of Ben Solo that was still in me when I was serving the dark side. The Force seeks balance in all things, and I’m no exception. I think I can have have this part of the dark side within me without succumbing to temptation, just as I was able to resist the light in me when I was Kylo Ren.”

“But you didn’t resist the light forever,” Rey points out, “Who’s to say that the same thing couldn’t happen with the dark, if you let it stay within you?”

Ben rakes a hand through his dark curls and lets out a sigh. “You know I can’t guarantee anything, Rey, no one really can. I’d like to think it’s different, somehow. The Force is strong in my family, both the light and the dark. I think even my uncle Luke has some of both inside of him.”

Rey looks up at him, trying to hide the concern and apprehension she feels over his words, but clearly failing. He pulls her back to his chest, dropping a kiss to the top of her head and sighing in contentment as her weight and warmth settles over him.  _ Why us, Ben?  _ Rey asks, feeling scared and unsure of what lay before them.

He lets out a quiet chuckle.  _ I don’t know, Rey. Because the Force chose us? Because we were born into a turbulent time and someone needs to step up against the evil in the galaxy? Or maybe just because we were in the wrong place at the wrong time?  _ His large hands continue to stroke down her bare back, the contact nearly enough to lull her back to sleep if it wasn’t for the uncertainty she was feeling.

_ I do know that I wouldn’t change a thing about this moment, and that somehow it feels like everything leading up to this was worth it, just so we could find each other.  _ His voice is gentle as it washes over her consciousness. Rey closes her eyes then, fighting back the tears threatening to flow over at the rush of emotion from his words, his thoughts. She buries her head in his chest, breathing in his scent and trying her best to hold herself together, to savor this fleeting glimpse of a peaceful life that she knows can’t truly last.

 

* * *

 

 

Training Rey in the Force is at once the most exhilarating and most terrifying thing Ben has ever done.

Her excitement, her willingness, her  _ hunger  _ for knowledge on how to harness the nebulous thing that flows through both of them reminds Ben so much of himself when he was younger and more naive. He loves seeing the wonderment and awe in her eyes as he guides her through basics of mediation, as they begin to train in sparring with the Force, when he helps her to open up and expand her awareness of the world around her.

He wants nothing more than to see her succeed, feel her triumph and discovery course through their bond so strongly that it felt like it was his own, like  _ he  _ was discovering that rush of power for the first time again.

It would be perfect, really, if only it wasn’t for the crippling fear that gripped him whenever he reached for the pulse of the Force in her mind and felt a tiny spot of darkness, like a far-away spacecraft blotting out a section of a planet's sun. It was small, really, and something that probably even the strongest of the Jedi possessed. Ben himself had explained to her, no more than a few hours ago, that he had realized there would always be some dark in him, that he didn’t fear it. Why that calm acceptance of the duality of the Force couldn’t apply to Rey in his mind, he wasn’t sure.

He had tried to rationalize and convince himself a thousand times over that the speck of dark inside of her didn’t have to mean anything; the girl had grown up in an undeniably harsh environment, had more than likely suffered cruelty and abuse from the rough group of scavengers and traders around her, had been abandoned by her family and sentenced to a life of eternal struggle - it was no wonder than part of her light had been sullied by the things she had gone through, witnessed, and maybe even done in that forsaken place.  

But he was scared and couldn’t reconcile himself with any explanation or excuse he might come up with. He does his best to conceal his fear from Rey, not wanting to dampen her thirst for their training or for her to be unnecessarily concerned. It’s nearly impossible for him to completely hide it from her though, and to make up for it she seems intent to do her best to prove to him that his fears are unfounded.

What she  _ doesn’t  _ know, what he is careful to pull into the deepest recesses of his mind where she’d have to strain to find it, is that part of Ben wants to nurture that darkness within her until it pulses alongside the light, both raging with sheer power inside of her.

Ben knows first hand the unparalleled might that harnessing the dark side of the Force can bring, the types of things that are possible only through learning to fuel the Force with passion and emotion. He isn’t, doesn’t think he ever will or can be, tempted to return to the First Order or Snoke. He’s done being a slave, done killing without cause and leaving only destruction and despair in his wake. But the dark side of the Force temps him still, whispers to him to  _ use it _ , grasp it and strike down their shared enemies. He feels a pull to teach Rey about that secret power within herself as well, imagining them standing victorious over the crumpled bodies of Snoke and the Knights of Ren, a storm of dark and light whirling around them and through them in their ultimate triumph.

That path was a dangerous and precarious one, a road that could lead them to becoming exactly what they were trying to destroy. What would be the point of overthrowing Snoke if they just took up his helm, unable to resist the pull of the dark, and started the cycle over again? For now it was something that Ben tried his best to reconcile, tried to think of ways to create a balance within himself and perhaps help Rey tap into the dark side without succumbing to it. He frequently meditated on it, but the Force had yet to reveal anything concrete to him, until in his mediation he stumbled on something from his past life: the memory of an ancient text in an equally ancient Sith temple, something he had nearly forgotten.

Today’s training consists of honing the ex-scavenger’s focus and control. One of the first advanced exercises Luke had taught him during his short-lived Jedi apprenticeship was the odd combination of standing on one hand and stacking a pile of flat stones with the Force. His uncle had explained how Master Yoda had guided Luke through the task during his own training, and although Ben had initially scoffed at the Jedi’s expectation, he was amazed at how vastly his concentration had improved after mastering the drill and he was eager to pass this down to Rey as well.

Standing on one hand had clearly been no hardship for Rey with her abundance of wiry muscle and impeccable balance, but combining it with the delicate Force work involved in stacking the stones had been more of a challenge. Her forehead has a light sheen of sweat, her teeth gritted as she lifts a smooth stone to stack on top of the three in front of her already. Her eyes flick over to Ben, who’s sitting a few paces away in a shallow state of meditation, and her focus slips. The stone falls to the ground, and so does Rey, rolling smoothly from the handstand into a crouched position.

“Kriffing  _ krif  _ , Ben, why do I have to do this? It’s been three hours and I can’t manage to make the stack any higher than four. This is stupid and trivial and I’m sick of it.” Frustration and anger flash through Rey’s eyes and through their Force bond, and Ben unfolds himself from the meditation position to pull Rey up by the hand.

“It takes awhile, Rey, I know it’s challenging --”

“ _ Challenging?  _ It’s kriffing  _ impossible _ , Ben! It keeps slipping from me, just out of my grasp, and every time I have to start over again, it’s harder to push away my frustration and I just start losing my focus even faster. It’s like the Force is water slipping through my fingers.” She crosses her arms, looks up at Ben defiantly. He can feel that pulse of power inside of her, begging to be tapped into with the frustrated rage coursing through the girl.

Ben doesn’t like to see her fail, knows how it feels to sense the Force just out of reach when he can’t clear his emotions from his mind let it reach out and encompass him. In the Knights of Ren, he had learned to seize the Force, emotions wild and untamed, and bend it to his will instead of surrendering himself and waiting for it to come willingly to him.

His pulse picks up as he considers another option for the girl in completing the exercise. “Do you trust me, Rey?”

“Of course I do,” her expression quickly shifting into curiosity at Ben’s sudden change of tone.

“I  _ really  _ need you to trust me now, Rey.” Ben reaches out, spreading one large hand over the side of her face, thumb stroking over a high cheekbone. “I want you to reach for a different part of the Force that’s inside of you - I’ve felt it, and I think you have too - and I want you to try and use it on the exercise this time. Don’t clear your mind, instead focus on that anger you felt over failing at the task before. It’s going to be a fine line, and I want you to use the emotion like a point of focus, but don’t let it overcome you and use it  _ only  _ for stacking the stones right now. It’s going to feel different, this time.”

The look of understanding in Rey’s eyes is unmistakable, and for a second Ben feels his heart drop into his stomach at the possibility that he had just ruined everything, completely and utterly. How could Ben be so stupid as to think this girl, this incredible beacon of light, would ever desire to wield the dark side of the Force? He opens his mouth to say something, attempt to redeem the situation somehow, but Rey cuts him off before he can even speak with a pointed look and a nod.

_ I trust you, Ben. But even more importantly, I trust myself. I can use this power without letting it consume me.  _ Rey holds his gaze for several long moments, face serious and set with determination. Ben should have known that the girl would be just as stubborn with this as she was with everything else, and he hopes desperately that it would be enough.

Their eye contact breaks when Rey lowers herself into a crouch again, smoothly transitioning to the one-handed handstand Ben had demonstrated at the beginning of today’s training session. Her eyes burn with a determination and an underlying fury, a carefully contained flame. Ben looks on as the girl moves one stone at a time, and he can feel the familiar heady rush of the dark side of the Force as it flows through her in a steady stream. This time, the heavy rocks don’t wobble as she moves them and they stack neatly in front of her as though lifted by a steady invisible hand.

Rey puts the final stone on top of the pile and slowly comes out of the handstand, moving gingerly as though a sudden movement might upset the balance of the stones now neatly stacked in front of them. Satisfaction thrums through her and at the same time Ben feels her release her hold on the dark side of the Force as she walks up to the pile to touch the stones gently, almost reverently.

They walk back to their quarters in silence that’s neither comfortable nor tense. Ben can feel, just under the surface, Rey’s inner conflict. There’s clearly things she wants to ask him, things she wants to discuss, but the queries dissolve into smoke in her mind before she can put words to them and voice them to him.

“You were right, about it feeling different. I thought it would feel -  _ wrong _ , or tainted somehow. But it didn’t, not really. It was unfamiliar, a bit strange, but not unpleasant,” she looks at Ben expectantly, then, “I guess I’m not sure what all the fuss is about.”

They’re back in their quarters now, Rey sitting cross-legged on the unmade bed while Ben slouches in the room’s single arm chair a few paces away. He’s glad she’s finally ready to talk about what happened today at training, what he had showed her, and he only hopes  _ he  _ can be ready to have this discussion with her as well.

“Some Force-sensitives have an an affinity to either the dark or the light. I think we can assume that you are more effective with the light, overall, and I with the dark. There are also some things that come easier depending on which part of the Force you’re using. Telekinesis, for example, is easier through the use of the dark side, but of course can also be done with the light. It’s the difference between using the Force or being used  _ by  _ the Force, feeding your power with passion or voiding yourself of it completely.” Rey was listening intently, hungry as always for any knowledge related to the Force that Ben was able to share with her.

“I just didn’t feel any big surge of power or anger or  _ evil  _ when I used it like I had thought I might. Would that just be because I’m better with the light side? Or because it was such a small task?”

“The dark side is often misunderstood, like many other aspects of the Force,” Ben starts, a bit hesitantly. “It does provide great power, allow those who use it to do things unachievable with the light side of the Force, but some believe that it isn’t inherently evil in itself, that it depends on the intent of the user and what emotions they tap into to wield it. When I felt tempted back to the light, I was compelled to research as much as I could about the dark side and the light side of the Force, even then thinking perhaps a balance could be struck between the two,” instead of explaining further with words, Ben opens up his memories to Rey through their bond - of traveling to the long-abandoned Sith temple on Thule, pouring over tomes so aged they seemed like they would crumble under his hands; of convincing Snoke that he had been after ancient Sith knowledge to strengthen his powers with the dark side, when in reality he had been looking to learn more about the light. Whether it was to attempt to extinguish it or to fan the flame and make it burn brighter, he hadn’t known for sure at the time. 

There he had learned about the  _ Je’daii _ , ancient predecessors of the Jedi Order - their organization was founded on  _ balance _ , use of equal parts dark and light. Ben had felt a strange resonation in himself at the knowledge of this Order, that thousands of Force-sensitives had served under their notion of balance over the several millennia that the Order had operated before becoming the  _ Jedi _ . In any case, Snoke had tried to burn the memory out of Ben's mind, seeing part of his intent and wanting to keep his pupil obedient as long as possible, and Ben had only re-stumbled on the memory recently during his meditation. Ben shared this newly-remembered knowledge with Rey, and felt from her a strong curiosity in response.

“So there were Force-users who followed this discipline successfully? It was something that  _ worked  _ for them?”

“It worked for thousands and thousands of years. I don’t intend to imply that either of us will ever be able to achieve a perfect balance of dark and light, but I see it as a definite sign that one can use both aspects of the Force freely without the constraints of being ‘dark’ or ‘light’ or ‘good’ or ‘evil’, it’s just two pieces of one greater power.”

Rey considers Ben’s words for a moment, and he can sense the emotions rapidly cycling through her as the way she’s always conceptualized the dark and light sides of the Force shifts. She seems to make up her mind suddenly, eyes snapping to Ben’s with a grin on her face.

“Well then, starting tomorrow, it looks you’re done holding back on me during training.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some crazy Force-theories going on here, I know, but I wanted to explore something a bit different! You can read about the Je'daii Order on the Star Wars Wikia here, it's very interesting stuff (although I guess maybe not 'canon' anymore) : http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Je%27daii_Order


	9. Chapter 9

To Ben’s credit, training  _ does  _ become much more challenging and intense now that they have a pact between them to walk this fine line; utilizing the dark side without letting it overwhelm and consume them. When she lies down for bed at night, Rey’s mind is reeling from the amount of new information being reconciled within it. There are still things Ben won’t teach her, things Rey doesn’t want to learn, and these are unspoken between them. The ex-scavenger refuses to let herself lose her sense of goodness, will not let the ends justify any means necessary to achieve them.

A couple of weeks into her and Ben’s new training routine, General Organa finally clears Rey for a more active role within the Resistance. Previously, the general had expressed her concerns that Rey was still recovering emotionally from her harrowing capture and subsequent escape from the First Order; Leia also wanted the young woman to have a chance to rest, train, and get to know her comrades before fighting alongside them. They were valid points, admittedly, but as the days passed into weeks she had been growing more and more restless watching Finn and Poe go out on missions while she was stuck on the base. Even though she’ll admit she’s a bit nervous about actually going out on missions, it’s a huge relief to Rey when Leia pulls her aside to let her know she’s been switched to active duty. 

Ben - unsurprisingly, in Rey’s opinion - sulks quite a bit at the news, frustrated that he’s still going to be relegated to the base while she’s out fighting. He’s made it abundantly clear the reasons why he wants to be out in the thick of it; partially to help prove his allegiance to the Resistance in a more tangible way than just sharing intel, but even more so Rey thinks it’s so he can be there to protect her when she’s out on the battlefield. Despite his eagerness, though, there’s unspoken knowledge between everyone involved that Ben still needs to earn a great deal of trust before he’ll be allowed to join any of the Resistance’s excursions. There is still, and likely will be for a while, a concern about Ben’s stability and the consequences for the Resistance if he changed sides again, especially mid-battle; a concern that Ben agrees is reasonable for the group’s leaders to have and one he tries not to begrudge them for.

Rey knows it still will be difficult for Ben to watch her go on a mission, having no way of knowing whether or not she would be safe; in fact, she’d probably feel much the same if their situations were reversed.

Her first real mission comes on an otherwise normal day, when the Resistance receives a distress call from a planet in the Braxtant system that is under siege by the First Order. Rey and Ben are sitting down for breakfast in the mess hall when the announcement comes over the comm speaker system, calling all active duty personnel to report to their assigned stations. 

Rey’s blood is roaring in her ears as she runs back to their quarters to change, Ben following close behind on her heels - Rey can already sense the little knot of worry forming in his stomach. “Do you think you can worry a little more quietly? I’m trying to get focused, here,” Rey teases as she quickly dons the brightly-colored pilot’s coverall over a lightly armored undersuit. 

Sitting with his long legs crossed on the bed, Ben lifts his head to meet her gaze with brow furrowed in concern. “I’m sorry, Rey -- I just wish I could come with. Waiting here and worrying about you being safe is going to be torture,” he says with a grimace. There’s nothing either of them can do about his situation, though, and she’s already going to be late to report to the hangar so there isn’t time to comfort him as much as she’d like. Rey drops a hurried kiss to Ben’s lips as she rushes out of their quarters, reassuring him that she’d be just fine and promising update his as often as possible over their personal comms if their Force link isn’t able to span across multiple systems. 

It isn’t easy to leave Ben behind, even as she steps out into the hangar and locates her X-wing she feels a wash of concern from him. Rey pushes back a wave of affection and the mental equivalent of a shush, trying to clear her mind so she can channel her focus on the mission ahead of her. 

The commanding officer of all the air support squadrons speaks to the assembled group of active duty pilots and fighters. The bothan’s authoritative voice echoes through the hangar as she briefs them on the situation and their directives for the mission; First Order ground forces had begun sacking the planet’s cities and killing or capturing its inhabitants, and their Y-wings and X-wings were to take out enemy fighters and equipment, which some pilots would land and support ground troops as needed. Rey’s a bit of a combination fighter herself - her wicked piloting skills nearly as valuable an asset as her abilities with the Force and a lightsaber. She knows she’ll be flying as well as fighting on the ground, and she reaches to double check the hilt of her borrowed saber is secure under her pilot’s jumpsuit.

The group dismissed to their assigned crafts and squadrons, Rey trots over to her own X-wing and hastily climbs aboard.  She can’t stop the rush of adrenaline, excitement, and nerves  that rush through her as she puts on her helmet and runs through the take-off sequence.

In a way, this had been exactly what she had dreamed of on Jakku, when she put on the dinged-up Rebel pilot’s helmet and imaged she was flying as part of some glorious space battle. Unsurprisingly, Rey had never fully understood just how complex it would feel to be on the cusp of an actual mission - when she daydreampt about being a Rebel pilot, she hadn’t thought about the real, gritty details, about the possibility he life would end in a smoking wreck. She wasn’t naive enough to think that she was invincible, but for now she was pointedly choosing not to think of the infinite ways things could go wrong today. Being overly morbid would only wreck the fragile focus she needed to achieve in order to not only survive this, but to be a valuable member of the Resistance. As a Force-user, she knew she had the weight of high expectation on her shoulders from her commanding officers and comrades alike, and she didn’t want to disappoint.

“Blue Squadron, are we ready for take off? Coordinates have been sent to your flight computers,” Poe Dameron’s familiar voice comes over Rey’s comm, and she hurriedly responds with an affirmative. She had been beyond pleased when Poe had asked to have Rey assigned to his squadron, and even more so when he had told her how much he admired her flying skills; it meant a great deal to Rey coming from the Resistance’s best pilot and someone she had come to look up to during the previous weeks of training. Besides, Poe was quickly becoming a good friend and she was happy to be able to fly alongside someone she liked, respected, and trusted very much.

Once everyone in the squadron is prepped, they take off from the base and jump to lightspeed once they’re free from the planet’s atmosphere. Rey takes their short travel time to collect her thoughts and run through a few basic meditation exercises. She wants to go into this with the cool focus of the light side of the Force, knowing it will increase her awareness of her surroundings and her reaction time. 

Once they leave lightspeed to approach the planet under siege, Rey feels the Force pulsing and flowing around and through her and her focus is razor-sharp, the wild adrenaline rush from earlier long gone. 

Poe’s voice comes over the comms again, calm yet commanding - “blue squadron and green squadron, our objective is to destroy any enemy craft - either in the air or on the ground - around the capital city. Do you copy?”

“Blue Five, I copy,” Rey responds, the oceans and continents of the planet coming into view now that they’re in the planet’s atmosphere. The two squadrons, twenty X-wing fighters altogether, head to the western hemisphere of the the planet where the city under attack by the First Order is located.

The airspace around the planet is eerily quiet, as though the First Order hadn’t thought to put up any air defense for their offensive here. When they’re within range of the city, a small squadron of TIE fighters appears, and the dogfight begins.

Rey thought she was had developed an understanding of what “real” battle was like after Takodona, after the fight with the smuggler gangs and the Rathtars on the _Ervana_. She hadn’t had a clue, in reality, what it was _really_ like - especially with her increased awareness though the Force. She could _feel_ the fear of those around her, could sense when a life had been extinguished and joined with the Force. It was real and terrifying and what scared Rey the most was how excited and exhilarated she still felt about it.

During their initial dogfight with the TIE squadron, Rey had taken down three enemy fighters, her accuracy with the aid of the Force so spot-on it was almost scary. The First Order’s anti-aircraft ion cannons had joined the fray then, and the Resistance had lost two of their fighters before managing to take out the weapons and the three AT-ST walkers around them.

With the skies clear and the large ground vehicles and cannons neutralized, part of squadron lands in a sheltered area while the other portion continues a patrol of the area. She dismounts from her X-wing, Rey shedding her flight coveralls hostility as soon as her feet his solid ground. She’s glad for the armor built into the high-tech fabric of the plain jumpsuit she’s now wearing, hearing the echoes of blaster fire in the distance and feeling her anxiety start to climb again. She takes a deep breath as she fusses with the utility belt around her hips, double-checking to make sure the blaster pistol and the lightsaber are both in their proper places before heading out of cover and making her way towards the source of the sounds of blaster fire and small explosions.

Stretching out with the Force, she feels for Ben’s presence through their link. She doesn’t hold back her sigh of relief when she feels him there, faint but still perceivable. From this distance, she isn’t sure if they can communicate in their usual telepathic manner, so instead she focuses on at least reassuring him she’s safe and uninjured. Half a heartbeat after she reaches out to him, she feels a response, a rush of worry and relief in equal measure. Rey feels fortified knowing part of Ben is present with her and resolves to make him proud today, to use the training he has given her effectively and get home safe to him as soon as possible.

As she approaches the main fray, Rey is alarmed momentarily by the sheer number of gleaming white stormtroopers she sees; at first it looks hopelessly overwhelming, but on closer inspection she sees many are hit or on the ground. A flurry of blaster fire is being exchanged between the highly visible troopers and the Resistance’s ground troops, who blend in with their surroundings better and appear to be behind cover as much as possible. It looks like a tough fight, but the tides seem to be turning in the Resistance’s favor as the attacking troops fall back without the support of the AT-ST machines that Rey and the rest of the Blue and Green squadrons had helped take down.

Pulling the increasingly comfortable and familiar metal hilt from her belt, Rey ignites her saber and channels her focus into defense as much as attack as she knows the bright beam will attract heavy fire. All the training and drilling she had been put through by Ben, Finn, and Poe as well as various Resistance officers is suddenly worth all the literal blood, sweat, and tears that she’d shed. Mostly, though, she’s grateful for her training with the Force. Ben had taught her how to use her enhanced reflexes and awareness to deflect bolts back to their source; they had used real sabers and real blaster bolts (granted they  _ were  _ from a stun gun) and the authenticity of the training exercise had made the technique stick. Getting hit once with a stun bolt was enough motivation for Rey to learn the lesson well and learn it  _ fast _ . She had a feeling  _ that _ particular skill was going to come in very useful very soon.

Saber out in front of her defensively, Rey crouches down behind a fallen pillar looking for the best place to insert herself into the battle. She spots a group of stormtroopers closing in around a trio of Resistance fighters, and rushes towards them without a second thought. She easily deflects the sizzling red bolts that fly at her, two ‘troopers going down to the ricochets of their own shots. Three blasts zoom out from the friendlies behind her in quick succession, and another ‘trooper falls. Rey cuts down the remaining three with her saber, quick slashes and jabs sending them to the ground with smoke spiraling up from the scorched and melted armor. She gives a nod to the Resistance troops, all three giving her awed looks and answering nods of thanks before they move to the next area of cover and open fire on another few armored enemies.

The lightsaber-wielding girl moves through the battlefield, leaving smoking ruins in her wake as she swings the beam of light in fierce arcs around her. The power crackling through her is dizzying and she loses herself in the gruesome work of it, clearing her mind so the Force can flow through her and bring down her enemies. She looks up suddenly and sees the area cleared around her, the only troops left standing those in the hodgepodge gear of the Resistance. Rey’s aware of the commands cracking over her comm then, and can hear it echoed in those around her. They’re being told to regroup and move towards the capital's city square, where the Resistance troops aren’t faring so well. Rey extinguishes her blade, moving towards the next battlefront, when she feels a dark presence ticking the periphery of her awareness.

She turns suddenly, moving towards the oddity she feels in the Force. Her heartbeat quickens as she realizes she’s sensing another Force-user, not one as powerful as her or Ben, but one with considerable strength with the dark side in any case. Ben had warned her extensively about the Knights of Ren; teaching her about the workings of the secret order and some of the skills they possess just in case she encountered one of the Knights, something that wasn’t all that unlikely now that she was on active duty with the Resistance. In some ways, Rey didn’t know if she was really ready to face such a challenge, considering how relatively short her training had been so far and how new she still was to the power within her.

This wasn’t about her comfort level though, and killing or capturing a Knight would save many lives, be a major victory for the Resistance, and mean one less enemy for her and Ben. The unmistakably dark presence grows stronger as she reaches a copse of trees on the outskirts of the capital, lightsaber ignited and held in front of her at the ready.

She sees the masked figure, all in black, stepping out from behind a boulder to face her. Black robes billow out as the Knight comes within ten paces of Rey with quick and short strides, stopping within earshot with an unrecognizable weapon held down loosely in a neutral stance.

Rey’s heart skips a beat at the resemblance of this Knight to the former master of the order, but she reaches out for Ben’s presence in her mind and feels him there, and her doubts are quickly dismissed. Upon further inspection, the figure in front of her is physically very different from the way Kylo Ren had appeared to her on Takodana and Starkiller Base, and not only because the helmet-like mask is a different shape, and the weapon being wielded appears on closer inspection to be more akin to some sort of baton than a lightsaber. Despite the disguising mask and heavy black clothes, Rey can tell the person standing in front of her is female, her frame clearly short and slight like her own with the hint of feminine curves showing despite the bulky layers of black that cover her.

Rey’s mind scrambles at some way she might make it out of this without a fight, and since she resolutely refuses to run there are few options left to her. She knows it’s an impossibly long shot, but the ex-scavenger can’t help but try to reach out to the Knight of Ren, trying to offer her the same mercy that had saved Ben. “You can drop your weapon and come with me if you want to be free from the dark side.”

The short bark of laughter that filters through the woman’s mask almost makes Rey flinch, but she holds herself steady. “You expect me to go crawling to the Resistance like the great _Kylo Ren_ did? Become a cowardly, pathetic twice-over _traitor_ like my former master?” The woman takes a few steps towards Rey, igniting the energy baton as she does so. Rey drops into a defensive stance, her saber at the ready and her awareness razor-sharp with the Force. “I feel dark in you, girl -- maybe I should be asking _you_ if you’d like to come with me instead? Clearly you have felt the temptation, the great power just out of your reach. I can -- _we can_ show you how to reach your full potential with the dark side.”

Rey charges at her then, done with the conversation when it becomes apparent that there isn’t a single spark of light left in this Knight of Ren that she can coax back to life. She can already sense the futility in trying to forestall or prevent the fight. Besides, Rey to show the Knight exactly how she feels about her insulting Ben.

As the blue lightsaber blade clashes with the humming and crackling energy baton, Rey tries her hardest to keep her focus on the light side of the Force, to push her fury out and let the Force guide her calmly through the fight. As the masked woman nearly lands a hit to Rey’s shoulder, though - she finds her resolve slipping at an alarmingly fast rate.

“I can feel your anger! Use it and embrace the dark side!” the masked Knight says, voice almost giddy despite the ferocity with which Rey is attacking her. Rey vows to show this woman just how she can and will use her anger - she can harnesses the white-hot fury and use it to fuel her power without letting it consume her utterly and completely. Rey is the master of her emotions, not a slave to them.

Rey stops fighting the emotion clouding the edges of her focus, then - lets everything pulse through her and feels the light side slip out of her grasp just as the dark side rushes in. She breathes in sharply, the contrast of the two sides staggering, but she recovers quickly and delivers a powerful Force push to her opponent, sending the masked Knight flying back to sprawl on the ground. Perhaps irrationally, Rey’s most angry at the cold black helmet, the fact that this woman is hiding herself behind a mask and daring to call  _ Ben  _ a coward. While she’s still down, Rey strides over to the Knight and roughly grabs at the durasteel base of her helmet, fingers scrabbling to push at the release latches. She can just faintly hear a hiss of depressurization as Rey yanks the piece of armor off the woman’s head and tosses it haphazardly to the side.

Rey had expected a young woman, but the person before her could be mistaken for a child, she was so youthful. Her dark hair is cut short, mussed by the helmet that had been on her head, and her eyes are a piercing blue. Being exposed seems to fuel the woman’s anger even more, and Rey feels herself being pushed back as the figure in black picks up the baton from where it had fallen and runs at Rey with a renewed ferocity.

Rey takes a hit to her left forearm, the whole limb erupting in white hot pain then going completely numb from the high-voltage hit. She grits her teeth, fighting with one hand until the feeling returns to her other arm and keeping out of the other woman’s range as much as possible in the meantime. She can’t get too much distance from the Knight of Ren, though - the woman is extremely fast and perceptive of what Rey’s next moves might be, moving to block and parry Rey’s every hit with lightening speed. Luckily, the ex-scavenger is able to shake the feeling back into her left arm before the unmasked woman charges at her with a veritable rain of blows.

The baton’s swings are coming at such a speed now that Rey’s worried she won’t be able to block them all before long, her muscles starting to grow weary under the weight of the woman’s blows. Rey grits her teeth and pivots, finally landing a hit to the Knight’s thigh that sends her to the ground, smoke curling upwards from her burned clothing and the smell of singed flesh pungent in the air.

Rey is quick to take action given her momentary advantage, freezing her opponent from the neck down with the Force.

“Are you going to kill me now?” the black-clad woman pants out, breathing labored from the exertion of their fight. “I know you have it in you. I can feel how strong the dark is within you, how heavily you used it during our fight.” The Knight is visibly straining, veins bulging in her forehead as she tries to break free of Rey’s hold and pushes ineffectually against the invisible bonds with both her body and the Force.

Instead of answering or rising to the Knight’s bait, Rey hesitates a moment before responding with her own question. “What’s your name?”

“Neyla Ren. Master of the Knights of Ren,” her eyes are defiant and proud, and Rey can’t help but feel a pang of sadness for the girl who had apparently taken command of the dark order after Ben’s desertion. She’s so  _ young _ , but Rey forces herself to harden her resolve, reminding herself that this person is her enemy and filled utterly with darkness. The ex-scavenger knows with the certainty that comes from a hard life any sympathy or hesitation she shows would be taken advantage of in a heartbeat and could end with Rey dead or captured.

“I think we both know, Neyla, that it would be a mercy for me to end your life. The First Order and Snoke will chew you up and spit you out until you’re useless to them and to yourself, until you’re a shell of a being. You’re just a tool for them and you know it,” Rey says, trying to keep her voice and her hand steady, grasping at the sharp focus of the Force to steel herself. Rey’s saber is poised to kill, blue blade shining brightly against the girl’s cheek. She felt impossibly conflicted about killing the Knight, despite Neyla’s indisputable alignment with the dark side and the fact that  _ she  _ did not seem the type to have second thoughts about ending Rey’s life. There wasn’t a way around it, though, not a way that would keep her and Ben safe or a way that would end well for Neyla Ren who had lost her soul so completely to the dark. Rey wasn’t going to fool herself into thinking she could sway another lost being to the light, not when she couldn’t feel even the faintest hint of anything but darkness from the other woman.

“Just know that even after I’m dead, the Knights of Ren will never stop hunting you, never stop hunting Kylo Ren to collect the price he owes for betraying our Order. They’ll find you, and you’ll  _ wish  _ they had enough mercy to kill you both.” Neyla manages to wrestle enough control from Rey to spit at her, the glob landing on Rey’s chest. She’s momentarily put off guard by the action, and the Knight of Ren seizes the opportunity to struggle free from Rey’s Force grip and barrel at her, unarmed or not.

Rey recovers her composure quickly and delivers a hard blow to the girl’s neck with her saber. The ex-scavenger looks away as she feels her blade connect with flesh, sensing Neyla’s life extinguish and her soul meld into the Force.

The victor of the battle sinks to her knees, cutting the power to her lightsaber as she crumples. She doesn’t remember being found and carried off by Poe, doesn’t remember being put onto one of the ground troop transports and brought back to D'Qar. She’s too lost in her mind, image of Neyla Ren’s painfully young face imprinted there as though permanently burned onto her retinas. Rey can still see her blue eyes, intense with hatred and fury, true - but also with  _ fear _ , and Rey can’t help but feel as though she’d failed even as the troops around her whoop in celebration of their triumph.   

 

* * *

 

 

Ben pauses in his pacing when he senses Rey enter the Ilenium system, the proximity of her unmistakable Force signature sending a wave of relief through his body. The small Resistance fleet was finally returning to the base after a nearly seven hour mission. He had been in the control room for the past three hours, tense and unsure of what to do with himself but so terrified of missing any update that might come through that he couldn’t pull himself away from the communication center, despite how out of place and utterly useless he felt here.

After Rey had left for the mission so unexpectedly this morning, he had first attempted to meditate in their shared quarters, then moved on to doing some training drills to occupy his mind and body when the meditation had proved ineffective; eventually he had found himself in the bunker’s command room, desperate for any news about the battle that was happening so far from his reach. He wasn’t used to feeling so helpless; he was used to being either in the midst of the action or in firm control from afar. Being stuck here unable to make any difference in the battle put his teeth on edge.

An hour or so into his command center vigil, his father had approached as Ben lurked in the back of the dark and cavernous room, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder and reminding Ben that Rey was a “big girl” and “perfectly capable of taking care of herself”. While Ben agreed wholeheartedly, it didn’t make him worry less; he didn’t know what would become of him if something happened to Rey, if she were harmed or captured or killed. It was a thought that he refused to let his mind dwell on at the moment.

Now that he could sense she was safe and almost  _ home _ , Ben finally felt like he could breathe again. Scant minutes after the ex-Knight had first sensed the return of the Resistance fighters, the command center was buzzing with chatter once General Organa had fornammly made the announcement. Striding over with a grin, Han threw an arm over his son’s shoulder, clearly noticing Ben’s visible relief on the mission’s successful conclusion. “See kid, I told you she’d be able to handle herself. I’d like to say it gets easier, watching someone you love face something dangerous, but it doesn’t, not really,” the ex-smuggler gives Ben’s shoulder a tight squeeze, the gesture communicating more clearly than his words -  _ I never stopped being afraid for you  _ . “You learn to deal with it in your own ways, though. And before too long I suspect you’ll be out there fighting with her instead of feeling useless on the base.”

Han gives him a small smile and a nod before walking away, moving towards the holodisplays in the middle of the room where Ben’s mother is standing, reading off the latest report detailing the success of the Resistance’s defensive maneuver.

“...two squadrons of TIE fighters eliminated, four AT-ST units destroyed beyond repair, one high-ranking, allegedly Force-sensitive First Order operative neutralized...” The raven-haired man stops mid-pace, questioning what he had just heard. Had a Knight of Ren been captured or killed? Had Rey been involved, and was she injured from the fight?

Ben pours his concentration into Rey’s presence in his mind, the girl becoming more accessible as the ship she’s on moves closer to the base. He taps into their Force link strongly, feeling for her mental and physical state. She appears to be unconscious, which frightens Ben at first until he reaches farther and feels her mental and physical exhaustion, but senses no significant injuries and concludes she’s just sleeping, worn out from the battle. Unexpected for Rey, maybe, but not overly alarming. He feels out a burn on her arm that will need to be treated promptly, a phantom pain stinging on his own arm as he probes at the abrasion mentally, as well as some bruises and scrapes and sore muscles - but most worrying is the mental wounds he feels. She’s scared and guilty and grieving, all things to be expected after a battle to be sure, but she was feeling them so deeply that it made Ben very concerned about what had happened during the past seven hours that could have affected her so profoundly. He can have the bacta and bandages ready for when she lands, but treating the invisible hurts will prove much more difficult and complex, he imagines.

He’s waiting in the tiny sitting room off of their quarters for Rey when she walks in, looking dazed and exhausted. She had a mission debrief and a quick stop at the medical bay, he knew. Sadly for him, Ben was told in no uncertain terms by his mother that he isn’t allowed to hang around over her shoulder after she returns from a mission, even though he had wanted nothing more than to run to her when the transport finally landed in the bunker’s hangar.

Ben stands as Rey enters, crossing the room in two long strides until he’s close enough to feel her body heat. He wraps his arms around her small frame and asks her if she needs to sit, nodding over towards the couch. She doesn’t seem to want to let go once he’s embraced her, though, so he manages to half carry her over into the room’s lone armchair instead, Rey’s slight body cradled by Ben’s larger frame.

The girl’s face is strangely blank, although when Ben gently probes along their bond he can feel the torrent of her emotions; sadness, anger, guilt, and grief overwhelm her even if she isn’t showing it outwardly. He doesn’t dig deeper, doesn’t delve into what had happened on the mission, not wanting to invade her privacy and knowing that she might find it more therapeutic to talk through what had happened whenever she’s ready for it. She looks up at him then, a crack of emotion showing through as her chin quivers slightly. “You must think I’m terribly weak and naive, Ben, it’s only my first battle and --” the dam breaks, and tears slip from her eyes freely. Ben shushes her gently, pulling the girl tighter to his chest as something fiercely protective rages up inside of him.

Words failing her, she continues mentally and Ben lets her speak, holding off the words of reassurance that want to tumble forth until she finishes whatever she needs to communicate with him.  _ I’m sorry, I had to hold it in during the debriefing and in the med bay and when Finn asked how I was I almost broke down, I’m so sorry. I should be stronger, I know, but I could  _ feel  _ them dying around me, could feel their life forces leave their bodies, Ben. _

“You  _ are  _ strong, Rey, and part of that strength is knowing how and when to show your weaknesses - you know you can let out whatever you need to with me. Holding things in just makes them fester, I can tell you that from experience. It was your first battle, and you’re unused to the things you can see or hear in the field. You did well for the Resistance, and you came home safe.” He drops a kiss to the top of her head, feeling small sobs wrack her frame as she buries her face in the black cloth of his tunic. Ben squeezes her closer to him and sends waves of reassurance and affection through their bond. He lets her cry, lets her emotions swirl around her and holds her through it. He isn’t sure how much time passes, but eventually he feels Rey start to drift into an exhausted sleep and Ben lifts her from the chair and into their bed.

He’s careful to set her down gently, not wanting to disturb the still-fragile sleep she’s just slipped into, but Rey’s eyes flutter open anyway and Ben curses softly under his breath. Setting her down on the bed fully, he starts to pull away so he can shuck their clothing (or at least their boots) but Rey’s arms grip around his neck like she’ll drown if she lets go.  _ Don’t go, please _ , her mental voice pleads, quiet under the weight of her physical and emotional fatigue.

“I’m not going anywhere, Rey, I’m just going to take off our jackets and boots so we can sleep,” he murmurs, smoothing a hand over her forehead. She lets go of him reluctantly, but once she does she starts to work at the zipper on her plain black undersuit, pulling off her boots in the process. Ben turns around to shove his own boots into their tiny closet, and when he turns back around Rey is working off her breastband, the undersuit now in a crumpled heap on the floor. He feels awful for the bolt of lust that shoots through him then, but when she meets his eyes she blushes and looks away shyly.

_ It may seem like an odd time, but -- I think it would make me feel better, remind me that we’re both safe, that we’re together...  _ her mental voice drifts off, and Ben can’t help but smile that his impossibly brave and bold girl is nervous to ask him if he wants to be intimate with her. In answer, he unbuckles and slides his belt off, stepping out of his plain trousers. He pauses with his hands on the waistband of his undergarments, looking to Rey who gives him a hasty nod. He pulls off the shorts and tosses them into the hamper, his cheeks coloring under Rey’s intense gaze as he strides over to the bed.

With her breastband off, Rey reaches down to shimmy her underwear down her hips, both of them on even ground now, completely bared for each other. Ben swings a leg over Rey’s hips, bending down to settle above her with his weight held on his forearms. He captures her lips in a bruising kiss, Rey returning it with startling intensity. Rey reaches up around his waist, tugging down and urging Ben to put some of his weight on her. He obliges, groaning as his already leaking cock comes into contact with the smooth expanse of skin between Rey’s navel and hip. He can’t help but buck against her once or twice before he has to remind himself that this is largely about comforting Rey and reluctantly restrains himself from rutting himself to orgasm against her belly. He plants one more kiss on her lips, pulling away with the gentlest of bites to her lower lip, and starts to move down her body.

Keeping his eyes trained up on her face to gauge for any discomfort, Ben makes his way slowly along her slim form, stopping frequently to lave at her skin with his tongue. He gets a bit distracted when he reaches her breasts, unable to stop himself from sucking on each little pink nub in turn; but judging from the moans escaping from her throat, Rey doesn’t mind. His hands wander down ahead of his mouth, running up and down her thighs and eventually settling on her hips. He hears a whine from above him as Rey reaches a shaky hand down to push his head down to where she wants it.

Running his hands back down along Rey’s thighs, Ben pushes her legs up towards her chest, giving himself access to the most intimate part of her. He takes in the sight of her for only a few heartbeats before closing the gap between them, his nose bumping against her clit as he flicks his tongue out to taste.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey’s mind is a sluggish blur as she lifts her hand to tangle in the dark mop of Ben’s hair. The other arm is locked around the backs of her knees, exposing herself to him completely and somehow the thought is more arousing than it has any right to be. She  _ needs  _ this, needs to feel connected with Ben physically and mentally and emotionally, needs to be reminded that right now they’re both safe and together and  _ here _ .

Her heady desire seems to be feeding into Ben’s own through their bond, because soon Rey can feel him moaning against her as his tongue works at her most sensitive areas. Her cunt is impossibly slick and hot, and she clenches at the distinct sense of  _ emptiness  _ she suddenly feels. An inarticulate whine escapes her throat, and she can feel Ben press a smirk into her thigh as he dips two of his long fingers into her entrance. It’s somehow too much and not enough at the same time, and Rey arches her back and lets out a high keen.  _ Tell me what you need, Rey _ , Ben says, his voice baritone-rich and smooth even in her mind. The dark-haired man doesn’t pause in his licks and nips and it takes her a few moments to formulate an intelligible response.

_ Need you -- need you inside of me, now _ , and her face flushes with a fresh wave of arousal at Ben’s answering groan. Ben plants a series of sloppy kisses along the underside of her thighs, gently grabbing Rey’s knees and pulling them back down. He crawls back up her body, knees bracketing her thighs and weight braced on his forearms on either side of her head.

“Neither of us have done this before,” Ben says; it’s not a question, it can’t be when they’ve come to know each other so deeply though their bond. After arriving at the base, they had both gotten the standard issue contraceptive and protective implants from the medical center - it wasn’t something they had explicitly discussed at the time, but now Rey was beyond relieved they had thought of it then. Her need to be joined with him  _ now  _ is such that she doesn’t know if she could have waited. It isn’t necessary for Ben to ask her if she’s sure about doing this, because she knows he can feel her certainty just as surely as she can feel his. The echo of emotions between them is almost more dizzying than the arousal coursing through Rey.

Ben’s eyes are locked on hers as he adjusts their bodies, the backs of her thighs resting on the tops of his as he wraps one arm around her waist, lifting Rey’s hips just the slightest bit and bringing their chests flush together. His free hand reaches down, and Rey feels the head of his cock nudge at her entrance. She shifts her hips, the tip of his cock now sliding against her clit and sending shocks up her spine. The tall man gives her a sly grin, teasing around her entrance with his cock, the girthy head easily sliding through her slick folds. Rey squirms and gives him a swat to the hip, growing impatient and needing him inside her about three minutes ago. He relents in his teasing, face growing serious as he lines himself up to enter her.

She gives him a nod, seeing the unspoken question in his eyes -  _ you ready?  _ and their gazes lock unwaveringly as he enters her at a tortuously slow place. Rey had heard it might hurt, the first time, but it mostly just feels odd - pleasantly so, but the feeling of fullness is just as unusual as it is enjoyable. Rey takes a half minute to adjust as Ben grits his teeth in the effort to stay still, dropping his head to her shoulder and letting out a low groan. Once the twinge of uncomfortableness fades away into a warm and pleasurable stretch, Rey pushes her hips up against Ben. He lifts his head from her shoulder, giving Rey a shaky smile and a quick kiss before starting to thrust at a moderate pace.

“Is this okay for you?” he asks in between pants and languid kisses, and even though Rey feels totally gone to the pleasure she can’t help but let out a chuckle and thrust her hips back against Ben in counterpoint to his own rhythm.

“ _ Yes, _ Ben. Very, very okay,” she slides her hands up the broad expanse of his back, legs wrapping fractionally tighter around his waist. He speeds up a bit at her response, soft grunts escaping from his lips as he fucks into her. Ben rears up on his knees a bit, reaching back to grab her wrists from where they're around his neck. He lifts her arms until they're stretched out above her on the bed, gently pinning them to the mattress.

“You're so beautiful, Rey,” he breathes out reverently, and she can't help but preen a bit under his gaze, arching against him. He continues with his steady pace, seconds and minutes blurring in Rey’s mind as she feels her orgasm building low in her belly.

“Are you close, Ben? I want you to come with me,” she moans out, and he locks eyes with her and nods once, face flushed and eyes glassy with arousal. He speeds up his thrusts, moving to grip both her small wrists in one of his large hands. Now freed, his other hand goes to her face, pushing a sweat-damp lock of hair off her forehead before pushing two fingers against her lips. Rey opens her mouth under his touch, greedily sucking at his fingers, a low moan escaping past Ben's lips as she hollows her cheeks and runs her tongue over his digits. He withdraws the spit-slicked fingers and snakes his hand down between their bodies, nudging at her folds to find her clit as his thrusts grow quicker and shallower.

When his warm and wet fingers rub against her swollen flesh, Rey can't hold back her howl. She clenches around Ben's cock, orgasm so close she can almost _ taste _ it, and the added tightness puts Ben over the edge. A high keen slips past his lips and his hips stutter in their rhythm. His climax hits her hard though their bond, an echo of his pleasure exploding behind her eyelids. She can feel a rush of heat and wetness as Ben empties himself inside of her, and all the combined sensations finally have her coming, and  _ hard _ .

She arches against Ben, moaning uncontrollably as her orgasm washes over her body in waves. Ben's panting above her, face contorted in a grimace of pleasure as her cunt squeezes around him as he shudders through his own aftershocks. Rey finally comes down, taking in a ragged gasp of air. The dark-haired man presses a kiss to her shoulder, pulling his softening cock out of her and reaching over to retrieve his shirt from the floor to clean them up.

Lips meet in a languid, open-mouthed kiss, then Ben pulls pack to gently wipe at the mess between Rey’s thighs. She jerks under his touch, oversensitve and sore, and Ben mumbles a quick apology. She gives him a lopsided grin as he finishes cleaning them up and tosses the soiled shirt in the direction of the hamper, finally flopping back down on the bed beside her.

“Feeling a little better, now?” he asks, trailing his fingers up and down her arm lightly. Rey turns on her side to face him and moves a few inches closer so she can nuzzle into his chest.

“Yes and no,” she mumbles against a pectoral, Ben’s arms folding around her and tugging her close against his front. “I don't feel quite so dazed anymore, though, like maybe I can process what happened today a little more easily.”

Ben kisses the top of her head and pulls back a bit. “Hey, look at me, Rey,” he says earnestly, and Rey scoots up the bed until she's at his eye level, and tangles her legs with his. “There’s something I've wanted to tell you for a little while, now -- I guess you've probably felt it through the bond, but I wanted to be able to tell you face to face.” His hand comes up to cup her jaw, and Rey gently probes at their bond to make sure whatever he's going to tell her is positive and brace herself if it’s not. She senses only affection from him, twinged with a bit of nervousness, and she lets out the breath she had been holding and nods at him. “I love you, Rey. So much that it scares me sometimes.” His voice nearly breaks over the words, and Rey can’t help the wide grin that spreads over her face as she absorbs what he’s said.

“I love you, too, Ben.” Rey threads her fingers through his hair, pulling his face to hers and pressing her grin against his cheek before capturing his lips for a kiss. Tears spring to her eyes unbidden, and she presses her face into the side of Ben’s neck.

Feeling the wetness from her eyes or perhaps sensing something through their bond, Ben smoothes a hand down her back soothingly, then pulls back to look into her eyes again. “I’m sorry, Rey, this has been such an emotional day for you, I’m sure. But I had to tell you, I worried so much about you when you were on the mission and -- we’ll talk more in the morning, okay? You really need to rest now.”

Rey just nods, lifting a hand to wipe her cheek and settling against Ben’s chest. Thankfully, she’s physically and emotionally worn out enough that she slips into a dreamless sleep as soon as her eyes drift shut.


	10. Chapter 10

Things shift back to what passes for normal fairly quickly after Rey’s first mission. It amazes Ben how resilient the ex-scavenger is - in the span of twelve hours, she fought tooth-and-nail in her first major battle, killed a Knight of Ren, had sex for the first time, and mutually confessed her love for her ex-nemesis. The next morning, she wakes up a little shaken, but well-rested and ready to tackle whatever obstacle might come next.

Even days later, it’s still hard to be sure what it means that Rey had killed Neyla Ren; clearly the gap in leadership the Knight had left behind would be filled quickly, although every major enemy they managed to get out of the way was a victory in Ben’s mind. Whether the Knight was there specifically to fight Rey or not, they would most likely never know. Ben thought it was more likely she had been part of the First Order’s assault and sensed Rey’s strong Force presence after she was already there, but either way he was unsettled by Rey’s retelling of their confrontation. The leaders of the Resistance mull over the possibilities with Rey and Ben, and for a few weeks Rey isn’t allowed to venture off alone on missions and Ben faces a similar rule back at the base, made to keep within earshot of at least one other person at all times. Weeks pass, and Ben thanks the Force that there aren’t any other signs of the Knights of Ren or the First Order actively pursuing the two of them. Gradually Rey and Ben, as well as their friends and family, can relax a bit assuming that it’s safe for them to continue things as they were before.  

 

Time seems to pass simultaneously too quickly and too slowly for Ben’s liking, some days dragging on while others fly past before he has a chance to catch his breath. His mother is mostly behind his overly full schedule around the base, consisting of training sessions with various groups, meetings with officers over itel, and a smattering of social obligations he attends with his parents. She keeps him almost  _ too _ busy, but he knows she has a multitude of reasons for doing so. 

For one, it’s a tactical thing. The officers and commanders stationed at D’Qar dig for every scrap of relevant intel he might have about the First Order, and Ben’s more than happy to give each and every bit he can. It’s exhausting, though, being stuck in a room with his mother in full general mode along with a handful of other high-ranking officers for hours on end, answering their questions down to the minutest detail he can recall. They’ve worked it down to his participation in a weekly debriefing, as well as being “on call” to step in and give information that might be pertinent to an operation or mission that’s come up unexpectedly.

It does make him feel useful, and he knows the work he’s doing is important - even if delving into some of the memories bring pain or shame or self-loathing. He’s gaining trust and a good reputation around the base slowly but surely, and every time he hears that his information had led to another Resistance victory, something like pride swells in his chest. 

Beyond the tactical purposes, his over-full schedule is a practical and protective thing, one of the many ways his mother is trying help him adjust to life with the Resistance, even if she wouldn’t put it in so many words to him. Ben might occasionally wish he had some more downtime around the base, but for the most part he understands the value of keeping occupied. He hasn’t had much idle time since he was a child - in the First Order and the Knights of Ren there were precious few moments for leisure or relaxation, and even training with his uncle Luke had been much the same. Leaving himself idle and feeling purposeless could all too easily cause doubt to creep back into his head, could cause him to question his decision to leave the First Order and his place among the Resistance - so Ben doesn’t mind his waking hours being crammed full, really. 

He still has good days and bad ones, although the nights can be the worst. Snoke’s been reaching blindly for him, apparently growing more and more desperate, and sometimes the Supreme Leader is able to cast a shadow over Ben’s mind and it’s all he can do to lie virtually paralyzed in bed, fighting a war inside himself. Rey’s there,  _ always _ , and she soothes him as best she can with her presence and her touches and words. If nothing else, she just holds him through it and makes sure he knows he isn’t alone. 

On his good days, Ben can feel the light dancing around and under his skin, threatening to spill over. He jokes with his mom and dad and lets Chewbacca beat him at holochess. He laughs freely with Poe and Finn, training alongside his Resistance comrades and working to make connections and earn the trust of the base’s personnel. His favorite thing to do on his good days, though, is to tackle Rey to their bed or the forest floor or a training mat, to shower her skin with kisses and nips and licks until her giggles morph into moans and the slow burn of their shared arousal. He loves nothing more than taking the time to _ show _ her just how grateful he his that she saved him, how happy he is that she helped to fill him with light to balance out the dark.

Good days seem to come more frequently as time passes, thank the Force. Staying busy keeps him grounded, and especially so as Rey goes on missions more frequently and for longer periods of time. He’s slowly earning enough trust to be able to go with her in the future, but for now whenever she’s gone he just throws himself into whatever task he’s set on and clutches at their bond fiercely so he can feel that she’s safe. 

Rey makes an incredible amount of progress with both their Force-related training and her missions with the Resistance. The initial spark of power Ben had felt in her has ignited into a full-blown inferno, and he knows she isn’t even close to done learning yet. If he didn’t know her so well, he might be afraid of what she could do with all that power thrumming under her skin. As it stands, Rey’s potential and Ben’s experience make them the biggest threat, and most likely the biggest target, to the First Order and Snoke - a dangerous but necessary place for them to be.

The ex-scavenger doesn’t have another run-in with any Knights of Ren, thankfully, and after she takes some time to process what had happened during her first mission, each one becomes a little less difficult and mentally draining for her. Rey takes no joy from killing, Ben knows, but she isn’t the type to back down from any duty or hold back when it comes to fighting for her cause or protecting her friends. 

Although their training continues to go well, it’s inevitable that they would soon reach the limits of what Ben knows concerning the Force. He had learned many things during his time under Luke Skywalker and later the Supreme Leader, but he hadn’t completed his training with either Master and had to admit his knowledge was ultimately incomplete. In order to defeat Snoke, though, Rey and Ben would need all the training they could get. 

Consequently, they discuss more and more when they should seek out Luke Skywalker. Now that they have the map and Ben is feeling increasingly stable as each day passes, Rey grows more and more insistent that they should leave to find him, and  _ soon _ . It’s useless to try and give excuses to a girl who could so easily see into his mind, but he tries every one he can think of to hide the fact that he doesn’t know if he will ever be ready to face the man whose aspirations he once crushed.

Days turn into weeks and eventually months, and Ben knows it can’t be long before Rey finally drags him on a ship to go seek out his uncle. He thinks he can maybe stall her for a another fortnight if he’s lucky, but he should have realized that he’d already used up what little luck he once had. 

 

* * *

 

 

It was unusual for Ben to skip lunch, even more so for him to to not show up to the base’s mess hall when they had specifically set a time to meet that morning before they parted ways. Both of them had been having a whirlwind week, General Organa packing their schedules full with meetings, training, and other various duties around the base. As a result, the only chance the two Force-sensitives had to see each other was in the mess to scarf down some food - and at the end of the day when they could finally collapse into bed, exhausted. 

She’s been sitting in the cafeteria for nearly a half an hour now, and at this point she’s having to actively prevent herself from tapping her fingers against the table impatiently. Rey lets out a sigh and reaches out along their bond tentatively to send Ben a little mental reminder - it wasn’t as though she had all day to lounge about in the mess hall. The ex-Knight did occasionally track of time when he was meditating, so perhaps he just needed a little nudge to refresh his memory. Oddly, when she feels for his presence through their link, she meets some invisible murky wall where his mind should be - almost as though he’s sleeping.

This feels different than Ben’s unconscious mind, though, feels  _ wrong _ in a way that she can’t quite pinpoint. It’s almost like he’s trying to shield himself with the Force - from her, or maybe from someone else, Rey can’t be sure. Either way, it’s more than a little unsettling. Using the Force to push out the panic threatening in rise up in her chest, Rey leaves her unfinished tray of food in the mess hall and follows the now-faint thread of their bond to where she thinks Ben must be. 

The ex-Knight had gone off into the woods surrounding the bunker earlier that morning to meditate, escaping from the bustle of Resistance personnel and troops for some solitude and quiet. Now that Rey thought about it though, it really wasn’t safe - and probably hadn’t ever been safe - for either of them to go off by themselves. Even if they were so near to the base, even if the planet was well-defended, both of them were undoubtedly huge targets for the First Order and they had been hopelessly naive to think they could act like they were somehow untouchable here.

As she briskly walks out of the bunker, Rey thumbs at the hilt of her borrowed saber nervously from where it hangs on her belt, a familiar and comforting weight. Something in her gut tells her to take the weapon in hand, and she unclips it but for now leaves the blade unignited, figuring she might be thankful for a bit of stealth in the near future. 

Worst-case scenarios flash through her mind, and almost unconsciously her legs start moving faster as Rey charges headlong towards Ben, nearly at a run now as she tries to fight back the fear clawing at her throat. She pulls the Force around her like an invisible cape, disguising her presence from other Force-sensitives and honing her focus to a razor sharp edge. She reluctantly stops and takes a few heartbeats to calm herself, leaning against a tree and taking a few deep breaths as she pushes her fear out in one long exhale, assisted by the Force. Rushing into this with her emotions out of control won’t help her or Ben, no matter what the situation ends up being.

Part of her is still desperately clinging to the hope that Ben’s fine, that he’s just practicing some Force-cloaking techniques or fell asleep during meditation - but even in her own head the possibilities she grasps at feel hollow and flimsy. The closer she gets to Ben, the more her instincts tell her that this is a very dangerous situation, the weight of it settling in her gut more heavily with every step. How it might be dangerous, she can’t say, but she’s prepared to cut down anyone or anything that might be trying to harm her lover. What she’ll do if she doesn’t find Ben Solo and instead comes upon Kylo Ren she doesn’t dare to dwell on.

She’s closing in on the place where he normally goes to meditate, a little clearing with a small stream nearby. Normally, the closer she and Ben are to one another physically, the stronger and more solid their bond feels. Now, though - her increasing proximity has her coming up against an invisible wall between them, the barrier becoming more tangible and impressive as she approaches. It’s as though the thing standing between them is monolith she had first seen from a distance, small and unimpressive, and now she was standing at the base dwarfed by its size. 

Hyperaware of every sound she’s making, she slows down as she senses that Ben is very close nearby. Using the Force, she cushions her feet against the crunch of dead leaves and the accidental snap of any fallen twigs, muting the sound of her breath which is threatening to come in heavy pants if the tenuous grip on her last shreds of control slips. 

She sees the two masked figures at the same time they spot her, and before Rey can process anything her saber comes to life her in hands, the vibrant blue blade crackling and humming in the quiet of the forest. Confusion flickers through her mind as she tries to register what she is seeing, images of Kylo Ren and her recent encounter with Neyla Ren flashing before she realizes these two look markedly different from either Knight she had faced before. One of her adversaries is short and stocky with a glowing whip in hand; the other of unremarkable stature and build, a long black braid thrown over one shoulder and wielding something akin to a pike with the glowing blade of the red saber on one end. 

Not seeing Ben yet, she cautiously steps farther out into the small clearing where the masked figures are standing, lightsaber held out defensively in front of her and a deep well of the Force within her ready to spring forth at her slightest command. She stretches out her awareness and is unsurprised to find that the beings behind the masks are Force-sensitive, although not overly strong by her quick estimation. More Knights, then - but perhaps not the best of the best, which soothes her a little. 

Given their Force-sensitivity, it stands to reason that the two in front of her are the source of Ben’s mind-block, the ones keeping him unconscious and hazy in the Force - when she spots the raven-haired man crudely bound to a tree trunk a few paces behind the figures, she knows for sure. The anger that flares up in her tastes like ash and bile, but she pushes it down with the Force, saving that reserve of strength for later when she might desperately need it. After the fury, a strange wash of relief comes over her, the worst-case scenarios her mind - that he had been gravely injured or taken off-planet or turned back to the dark side - now proven false.

Although she can’t see their eyes through the dark masks, she can tell both black-clad figures are watching her closely, their own strange weapons raised and at the ready. Rey has a million questions running through her mind -  _ how did you find us? are there more of you here? what are you planning to do to us? _ but she has a feeling these two would not be forthcoming with their answers if she dared to ask. 

She sees no way for this to end peacefully, and she’s fully prepared to come to blows with these two, even with the odds standing two to one against her. Aided by the Force, her mind starts to calculate angles of attack, search for weaknesses that show already through their posture, consider the risks and likely outcome if she charges head-on at them now.

Her training is may be limited, but so are her options, it appears. Every fiber of her being knows she won’t let these monsters take her or Ben alive. 

“Let him go,” she growls out to the masked figures, voice unwavering despite how hard her heart is beating in her chest. One of the pair lets out a rumbling laugh, the sound distorted strangely through their helmet’s filter until it sounds like static.

“Trying to negotiate with the enemy,” a robotic voice drones as the taller of the two takes a step closer to her. “How very -  _ Jedi _ of you.”

The whip-wielder steps towards her now, slowly closing the gap between them. The voice that comes out behind that mask is higher, the filter a bit smoother, but the words are chilling nonetheless. “Very Jedi indeed, except that -- well, the amount of dark I can sense within you is staggering for someone so small. You’re angry and afraid, little scavenger.”

“Just let Ben go, and --”

The stocky figure lashes out with the wicked-looking whip, the blow landing a few inches from Rey and clearly intended as a warning. There’s a singed spot on the ground where the whip had hit, fallen leaves charred and smoking - if Rey had doubts that the weapon was similar to a lightsaber, they were gone now. She feared what that thing would do to flesh if it made contact. “Ben? Who is this  _ Ben _ you speak of? Perhaps you mean Kylo Ren, former leader of our order? I don’t think we will be letting him go. After all, he was such excellent bait for you, the little desert rat that Snoke wants so badly,” the whip-wielder’s modulated voice intones. 

“Let him go and you’ll what, girl?” the other figure picks up where the first left off, circling around Rey with the humming pike blade held out threateningly. “Let us leave unharmed? I don’t think so. I think there’s enough dark in you that you’d try to kill us even if we did release our former Lord Ren. Don’t deny that you’d like to see us both dead, I can feel it coming off of you in waves.”

Rey can’t refute the accusation and honestly doesn’t care to. These two are her enemies, agents of the First Order and the Knights of Ren who would deliver her and Ben to Snoke in a heartbeat. With these two, she does not feel the need to show mercy. Perhaps it’s skirting dangerously close to the dark side, but right now all she cares about is getting Ben and herself out of this safely - and she’d gladly cut down these two Knights to do so. 

She holds her ground for a few moments, considering. It’s a waste of her breath to continue their conversation, but part of her wants to try and buy some time - how she’s going to get close enough to strike at the stocky figure without being hit by the whip is something she needs a while to puzzle out. Both of her adversaries have absurdly long reach with their weapons, and Rey longs for the sturdy metal staff she had used to defend herself on Jakku.

It doesn’t appear as though either of the two are going to charge at her, and it doesn’t surprise her as it’s quite apparent that they’re going to try and take her captive or perhaps convince her to join them and leave here willingly. That also means that they aren’t likely to attempt to kill her or Ben, the two of them of more use to Snoke alive than they would be dead. It’s a small comfort, but Rey’s not going to take it for granted. She can sense the anger and hatred coming on the black-garbed pair in heady, dark waves.

She makes her move suddenly, one hand whipping out in front of her as the Force barrels through it, slamming the stocky figure against a tree trunk fifteen paces back. The resulting  _ crack _ of impact makes her wince for a moment, but she knows they’ll be up again before long so she quickly closes the gap between herself and the other Knight, moving close enough so to get within striking distance.

Rey dodges a jab from the saber pike aimed low at her legs, momentum carrying her into a brutal two-handed swing that the black-garbed figure just barely manages to block. The long weapon is apparently made of a special kind of material, as it deflects the crackling saber blade easily instead of cutting clean through as Rey had hoped. The ex-scavenger stays close to her opponent, forcing the pike-wielder into awkward maneuvers so they aren’t able to take advantage of the weapon’s long reach. 

She’s forced to jump back a few paces to avoid a blow aimed for her head, but she isn’t quite quick enough to parry the sharp jab with from saber end of the pike that bites deeply into the flesh just above one knee. A bolt of pain shoots up Rey’s leg as the red beam connects and sinks in, the sickening smell of singeing cloth and flesh hitting her nostrils. She grits her teeth and just barely manages to not cry out, the burning pain throbbing through her whole body. Wrestling with her grip on the Force, she pushes the agony of the wound out of her mind and pours her focus back into the fight, swinging and parrying with a renewed fervor.

From behind her, she senses the second Knight approaching, a stumble apparent in their step. Apparently she had done some significant damage with her Force toss then, and she’s glad of it, knowing she’ll need every advantage she can get. It’s two to one again, and she knows she can’t ignore her wound forever. She hadn’t trained with two opponents before, hadn’t trained against the type of weapons they were using - but she forces the uncertainty out of her mind and fights on, dancing out of the path of the whip and pike as best as she can. 

They’re forcing her back to the edge of the clearing - it’s hard not to be overwhelmed when it’s two-to-one combined with the significant reach of what they’re wielding - and she can sense there’s a boulder not five paces behind her. Once she’s backed into a corner, Rey can’t be sure how they’ll try to subdue her, or if at that point they’ll just go for the kill. The may decide she’s too dangerous to take alive, and they wouldn’t be wrong, truthfully. Her razor-sharp focus is slipping, calm elluding her as her frustration and panic rise, and she knows she’s in danger of losing her grip on the Force. Gritting her teeth and letting her anger and fear and the pain from her wound fill her, Rey grasps at the Force from a new angle, allowing the emotions roiling through her feed into her power and concentration.

The dark side of the Force flows into her, sickly-sweet and heady with power. Strength renewed for the time being, the lithe girl fights back with a redoubled ferority even as she’s pushed closer and closer to being trapped against the boulder. Desperately, she slashes out with her saber, and she can’t hold back the yell of triumph as the blow connects - the bright blade slicing through flesh and bone just below the elbow of the stocky figure, whip falling to the ground along with the now-severed limb.

Shock seems to reverberate between both her opponents, and Rey takes advantage of their few heartbeats of hesitation to deliver another wicked blow to the shorter adversary, this time deep into to the flank, and the Knight collapses to the ground. She spins around, turning so she’s no longer backed up close to the bounder and moving out of the pike’s reach so she can catch her breath for a moment. 

Reaching out with the Force, she senses the lifeforce slowly slipping out from the downed Knight’s body, her blow apparently fatal. It leaves the odds tipped slightly towards her now, and Rey feels a little rush of relief at her and Ben’s increased chances of making it out of this alive and free. As she senses the last trickles of life leaving the Knight’s body and flowing back into the Force, Rey also suddenly becomes aware of Ben’s presence in her mind intensifying, as though he’s struggling to wake. Rey rushes over to where he’s still slumped, ignoring her one remaining opponent for now. The wound in her leg sends another shock of pain through her body despite how resolutely she’s trying to block it out with the Force, and she stumbles slightly as she rushes towards where Ben’s tied up. She grits her teeth and wills herself to ignore the insistent and agonizing throbbing of her injury at any cost, needing to keep going until she and Ben are safe.

Once she reaches the dark-haired man, he’s started to stir noticeably. She powers down her saber and drops to one knee beside him, mindful of her injury but blantly looking anywhere but at the wounded flesh for the time being. One small hand reaches out to slide over Ben’s cheek, and he flinches slightly at her touch.

Weakly at first but gaining his strength back quickly, he starts to struggle where he’s bound against the tree trunk. Dark eyes shoot open, anger flashing through them as he pulls the Force around him and snaps the crude leather ties that had held him captive before Rey can even pull her knife out to cut him free herself. The Knights seem to have been counting on their combined strength with the Force to keep Ben contained, and taking down one of the two adversaries had apparently weakened the hold enough for Ben to break free. 

Rey’s breath rushes out in a sigh of relief now that Ben’s awake and apparently unharmed, but there’s no time to reach out for an embrace before the remaining black-garbed figure is upon them, pike raised threateningly. Ben stumbles a bit as he pushes past Rey and steps between her and the oncoming Knight of Ren, reaching out a hand to release a surge of power through the Force. It’s enough to stop the forward momentum of their enemy, who’s now held immobile in Ben’s invisible grasp.

Through their bond Rey can feel the rage boiling under his skin, his dark fury barely contained as he stalks toward the masked figure. His voice is pitched into a low growl as he steps within a few paces of the stock-still figure, words ringing out in the nearly silent clearing. 

“This ends  _ now _ .”

 

* * *

 

Ben’s controlling, if only just barely, the white-hot anger that’s bubbling at the edges of his focus. The Force is rushing through him dark and heady, the familiar thrum of power singing through his veins - and that feeling, along with Rey’s steady presence at his side - helps ground him. He shouldn’t be surprised that Snoke sent a couple of the Knights after them; in fact, it’s probably most surprising that it took him so long to do so. As for how they had found him and Rey - well, if he’s being honest, Ben can think of quite a few different possibilities. The Supreme Leader and the First Order are not to be underestimated, and unfortunately their reach is terrifyingly far and wide. 

Despite the razor edge of focus he’s pulled around himself since he came to, Ben’s mind is still a little groggy when it comes to recalling the exact details of how he had been overpowered and ended up tied to a tree. He recognizes both of the Knights - he had been their master only a short time back, and knows from experience they aren’t overly strong with the Force or terribly cunning. Ben had been distracted, his guard down as it usually was around the base these days. An extremely stupid move in retrospect; no matter how much D’Qar was starting to feel like home, it was hopelessly naive of him to think there was no danger here. He should have known better than to allow the passage of time to lull him into a false sense of security - and perhaps that’s why the Supreme Leader had waited so long to chase them down. Snoke had been in his head enough times to know Ben’s potential weaknesses and shortcomings better than the ex-Knight did himself. 

In any case, the two Knights of Ren had managed to take him unawares and subdue him through their combined abilities with the Force, and the next thing Ben knew he was waking up bound to a tree trunk with the smell of blood and burnt flesh in his nostrils. He could be ashamed of his incompetence later; for now he was funneling all his focus on getting he and Rey out of this and back to the safety of the bunker. Thankfully the ex-scavenger had been quick-thinking and skilled enough to save both of their skins - Ben can’t deny how impressed and proud he is that she took on two Knights on at once and brought one of them down so quickly. 

As for the remaining Knight - Sutku Ren, one of his former students - unfortunately Ben knows they can’t let her leave her alive and he strongly doubts capturing and holding her here on the base would do much good for anyone involved. Keeping a Force user, even one without much power, is a tricky and dangerous business and probably not something the Resistance has the resources to spare for at the moment. It’s with a grim acceptance that he sets the plan in his mind and nudges it over to Rey through their bond to make sure they’re at an understanding. They’ll get what information they can out of the Knight and give her a swift and merciful death. It’s really a more pleasant way to go than most of the Knights of Ren could hope for, anyway.

Before doing anything else, Ben reaches out with the Force for his weapon, feeling impossibly vulnerable without the worn hilt against the palm of his hand. Unsurprisingly, he had woken to find it missing from its familiar spot on his belt clip. He can sense it’s not far away, and a rush of relief comes over him as the saber whizzes from the belt of the fallen Knight and through the air at his call, landing in his open hand with a satisfyingly weighty smack. 

Taking a centering deep breath, he now returns his focus to the masked Knight, still held motionless in front of him. Ben shifts his grip over her with the Force until she’s on her knees, leaves crunching under her weight. He senses Rey approach from behind him, and with the slightest nudge to her through their bond, he lets the ex-scavenger take over the invisible bindings holding the black-clad woman. Rey’s grip is tight and unforgiving, even more so than Ben’s had been.  _ Calm yourself, Rey. We need to keep focused,  _ he speaks to her subliminally.

Rey lets out a huff of breath in frustration and responds to Ben without looking his way.  _ It’s hard for me to stay calm when these Knights were trying to capture us and take us back to Snoke _ , she retorts.  _ I thought they had hurt you.  _ There’s an unmistakable undercurrent through her words - fear, and anger, and a fierce protectiveness towards him. Although she tries to hide the thought from Ben, he hears it anyway:  _ I thought they had hurt you, and now I want to make  _ them  _ hurt.  _

It’s a dangerous place for her mind to go, and they’re both aware of it - but unfortunately now isn’t the time to address the issue. He sends a surge of reassurance her way, because he’s okay and - Force willing - they’ll both make it out of this okay together. 

“Take off the mask,” Rey says abruptly as she looks down at the figure before them. Ben’s not sure he likes where she could be going with this - and on some level, perhaps a cowardly one, he thinks it might be easiest for all of them if they don’t have to bare Sutku Ren’s face. He opens his mouth to protest, but the jolt of resolve he feels from Rey silences him before any words can leave his mouth.

Reluctantly, he steps forward to release the catches on the black durasteel helmet. There’s a faint hiss, and Ben pulls the heavy object from the woman’s head and sets it on the ground next to the Knight, stepping back to join Rey. 

Sutku Ren is breathing hard, hair a frizzy and sweaty halo around her head where some strands have worked their way out of her dark braid. Rey locks her eyes with the Knight, and the fury that passes between them in almost palpable. The ex-scavenger reaches for her own weapon, thumbing at the ignition switch until a beam of blue surges out, blade pointed towards the ground and held loosely at her side. Rey’s voice is cold and nearly emotionless when it breaks the silence of the clearing, eyes not leaving the Knight’s as she says, “state your name and your purpose for coming to D’Qar.”

A smirk crosses the now-unmasked woman’s face. “Surely you don’t need to ask me those questions. The man standing next to you could easily answer them, and even a naive little girl like you must realize our purpose in coming here.” A muscle in Rey’s jaw twitches at the Knight’s words, and Ben can sense her tamping down on a fresh wave of anger.

“That may be true, but I’d like to hear it from your mouth,” she bites out, gaze still unwavering as she grips the hilt of her saber hard enough to turn her knuckles white. The kneeling woman appears to be weighing her options for a moment before a flash of pure hatred crosses over her features. She musters what little control she still has of her body through Rey’s Force grip, face contorting with fury as she spits at Ben.

The shiny glob has barely even landed on the front of Ben’s tunic before Rey’s swung her saber to rest a scant few inches from the the Knight’s neck. Ben catches a flash of a thought from Rey -  _ again? do these Knights have no propriety or basic decency? _ \- as he stands unmoving, refusing to react to the woman’s insult. He senses her Force grip shift as well, Sutku Ren gasping and coughing as Rey clutches at her windpipe with invisible fingers. “Need I ask you again?” Rey barks out, blade hovering closer to flesh until Ben becomes aware of the cloying smell of singeing hair. 

“My name is Sutku Ren. I was commanded by the Supreme Leader to retrieve the deserter Kylo Ren and the Force-sensitive girl who had escaped with him. Our directive was to attempt to convince you both to come willingly, using any means necessary, but if you refused then we were to subdue and capture you.” 

“How did you find us?” Rey asks, and she moves her blade another hairsbreadth closer to the woman’s neck when she barks out a sharp laugh in response.

“Kylo Ren was very foolish to think that the Supreme Leader wouldn’t be able to find --” Rey cuts off whatever else the Knight was going to say with a growl and an abrupt tightening of the Force grip over her windpipe. 

“I said -  _ how did you find us _ ?” the ex-scavenger repeats, each word bitten off harshly. Rey’s clearly losing what little patience she had to begin with, and it’s becoming increasingly apparent they’re both treading a dangerous line. The fury is running through his veins hot enough that Ben can’t bring himself to care, though.

The Knight gasps for air and lets out a cough as Rey lightens the Force choke just enough for the woman to speak. “A subdermal tracker chip,” she rasps out. “All the Knights have them - and most aren’t aware. The Supreme Leader tasked me with making sure they’re all in working order, otherwise I likely wouldn’t know either.” This doesn’t surprise Ben. In fact, he should have expected it - and also expected to be kept in the dark about the existence of such trackers as well. Snoke had always known that Kylo Ren was the Knight with the biggest flight risk, the one who might eventually need to be chased down and brought to heel. 

He opens his mouth to ask the Knight where, exactly, his tracker was - but before he speaks, he thinks better of it. He’s done running circles and trying to pry answers out the hard way; this feels like it’s gone on far too long already and prolonging the questioning isn’t going to be helpful to any of them.

Ben’s eyes narrow and he reaches out a hand, fingers flexing into a claw. He rips into the woman’s psyche without any of the gentleness he had used during Rey’s interrogation, a small gasp leaving the Knight’s lips at the sudden mental intrusion. She has training against this sort of thing and should be able to fight back - but there was a reason Kylo Ren had been made master of the Knights of Ren, and the woman is weak after their fight and the injuries she had sustained. Barreling around in her mind, Ben locates a memory of where his tracker had been implanted - he sees himself lying supine on a sterile white med bay table, a slit cut on the underside of his right pectoral as a medical droid inserts a small chip under his skin. He lets out a growl, pulling back from her mind now that he has what he needs. The tall man lowers his hand and the Knight slumps slightly in Rey’s Force hold. 

He directs his hand at himself now, two fingers and his thumb flexed as he works delicately at the small piece of electronics with the Force. He wants to disable the tracker, but not destroy it - he doesn’t want to think about what failsafes could have been put in place in case a Knight tried to severely damage the chip. A grimace passes over his face briefly as he delivers the smallest jolt of crackling energy he can manage to the tracker. It should be disabled now, but he’ll want to have the thing removed in the base’s med bay as soon as possible in any case. 

That issue dealt with, Ben reaches for his own saber and ignites the crackling red blade. This has gone on too long, and any information they might get out of the Sutku Ren isn’t worth the risk that she could somehow overpower them and attack or flee back to Snoke. 

He hefts his blade in front of him, and sees the faintest flicker of fear cross the Knight’s eyes before it’s gone and replaced with a grim acceptance. “You’ve failed your mission, Sutku Ren. The Resistance usually favors taking prisoners over execution when possible -- but I think it’ll be the most merciful to everyone involved if we just end this here. Any last words, then?” 

Through Rey’s choke hold, the Knight manages a grimacing sneer at Ben. “It doesn’t matter, even if we failed to bring you back to the Supreme Leader; it’s clear the path you two are going down,” the woman gasps out, managing a sharp laugh in between increasingly labored-sounding coughs. “You’re fools for thinking you can play with the dark side and not be consumed by it. You’ll kill Snoke, maybe - and if you do you’ll become just like him. I can feel it. Or you’ll die in the process, or you’ll join him. It makes no difference to me - as long as the dark side can triumph I can die knowing that -- ”

Rey apparently doesn’t care to hear the rest of what the woman is going to say, because she flicks her blade suddenly and the bright beam cuts through skin and bone until the Knight’s head falls backwards off her body. It hits the ground with a sickening  _ thump _ , and the ex-scavenger releases her Force hold on Sutku Ren’s now-lifeless form, the black-clad corpse tumbling over at their feet.

Rey’s breathing heavily, eyes wild as she pushes back a sweat-damp lock of hair stuck to her face. She finally breaks her gaze away from the grotesque corpse of the Knight of Ren in front of them. Ben stands stock-still next to her, eyes flicking between Rey and the body at their feet; he’s still processing the fact that Rey had actually taken the Knight’s life. He had known it would be necessary, of course, and he had been prepared to end the woman’s life himself. The way Rey had committed the act with such cold and level rage unsettled him, though. Reaching out through their bond tentatively, he can feel her veins are still alight with adrenaline, her mind still a swirl of tightly-contained fury with a swell of the Force tight in her grip. He pushes past her anger in an attempt to calm her when he hits a wall of agony, and it dawns on him that it’s coming from the wound on her leg.

From what little he had seen, the injury didn’t look good - Ben had picked up on Rey’s pain and the slight limp to her step immediately after he had regained consciousness. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the girl had been pushing the pain back so fiercely that he hasn’t realized the extent of the damage. Leave it to Rey to be so stubborn about an injury so sever that it’s almost to the point of maiming. He drops to his knees hastily next to her, reaching for her leg to better assess the damage.

“What -- what are you doing?” she says, turning towards Ben suddenly. She puts a steadying hand on his shoulder as he gently tugs on her thigh to bring the hurt limb towards himself, carefully avoiding the wounded flesh. 

He spares a moment to look up at her and quirks his eyebrow as he pulls a knife from his boot to cut away the stained and partially burned fabric around the wound. “You’re seriously injured, Rey. I’m honestly not sure how you’re still standing, let alone how you fought both of those Knights with this kind of a --” his voice trails off as he takes in the full extent of the damage in front of him, pants now cut away to fully expose the injured flesh.

Like all wounds inflicted by lightsabers, the blade had cauterized the blood vessels instantly, so there was very little blood and instead the skin and muscle underneath had been charred severely. The deep gouge is just above Rey’s right knee, and Ben thinks if it had gone even a little farther it would have cut a tendon and rendered her unable to walk - thank Force that hadn’t been the case, or they would likely both be on a First Order ship heading straight to Snoke right now. 

Shiny white bone peeks out from the deepest part of the wound, and despite all the death and destruction Ben has witnessed or even created by his own hand, the sight churns his stomach unpleasantly and he has to look away. 

“I know it hurts, but I haven’t really -- is it bad, Ben?” Rey says, voice full of apprehension now as the anger rushes out of her and her hold on the dark side of the Force fades out. Ben looks up and sees her wincing as the pain starts to return now that she’s not actively pushing it away. The look on the tall man’s face must be indication enough of the severity of the injury because Rey’s cheeks go pale and her eyes finally dart down to the burnt flesh. 

Over the bond, Ben’s aware of the full force of Rey’s agony rushing back, her hold of the Force now lost completely in her shock. Just the phantom echo of her pain over their link is enough to nearly send  _ him _ reeling. She cries out and Ben stands quickly to grab her small form in his arms, supporting her weight. “We need to get you back to the base, Rey. I’ll carry you, it’ll be alright,” he says, trying to make his voice soothing despite the concern that’s flooding his mind. Rey shakes her head, fiercely stubborn as always.

“No, Ben - I’ll walk, I can manage it. You’re hurt, too,” she grits out, grimacing as she puts some weight on the leg and starts to pull back from Ben’s arms. He shakes his head ruefully at her selflessness, that she would consider the few bruises and minor cuts he had sustained to be anywhere near as bad as her own injuries. He tightens his grip around her and realizes dimly that her pallor has moved past the look of someone in pain, her face now alarmingly pale - her body is going into shock.

He reaches a hand to her temple gently, mumbling, “I’m sorry Rey, but you’ll thank me for this later,” as he nudges her into unconsciousness with the Force. Her body goes slack in his arms, and he lets out a grunt as he bends down slightly to shift her weight, one arm sliding carefully under her the bend of her knees as the other supports her shoulders. Ben’s thankful the girl’s as light as she is; he apparently is weaker from the fight than he originally thought, and they were no small distance from the Resistance base. He looks down at Rey’s form in his arms, face peaceful and thankfully free of pain for the time being. It’ll be a long walk, but for her Ben thinks he can make it.

Glancing behind him at the two black-clad bodies in the the clearing, Ben lets out a weary sigh at the thought of having to come back here and deal with all of this. Besides the obvious things - retrieving weapons, moving bodies back to the base for cremation - they were going to have to face the reality that it was no longer safe for Ben and Rey to be on D’Qar. Even with his tracker no longer functioning, it would be hopelessly foolish to think the First Order didn’t know exactly where they were now - and staying here would put the Resistance personnel at the base in danger as well as the two Force-sensitives. 

The other hazard they faced if they stayed here was outwardly less obvious but ultimately much more insidious. He and Rey had skirted too far over to the dark side during the fight and subsequent questioning of the Knight - it was a desperate situation, true, but Ben knew things could have been done differently. They certainly could have been more merciful, if nothing else. Rey and Ben had both held on to their anger a bit too tightly and for a bit too long - enough so that the Sutku Ren could pick up on just how much of the dark side they were using. 

The Knight’s last words had deeply unsettled Ben. What if they  _ did _ go too far in their fight against the First Order, lose the fragile balance between light and dark and become exactly what they were trying to destroy? Ben doesn’t want to think about it, and he knows  _ he _ doesn’t have the answers. Fortunately for both of them, Ben thinks he knows someone who might - and the Resistance just happens to have all the pieces for the map to his location. 


	11. Chapter 11

Rey cracks her eyes open hesitantly, disoriented and unsure where exactly she is. It’s safe here, she can sense that, but she definitely isn’t in her and Ben’s quarters. The the sterile white ceiling of the med bay comes into focus above her, and Rey and has a moment of confusion before everything rushes back to her with startling clarity. 

She tries to bolt upright, but is stopped when a wave of pain and nausea shoots through her. Rey feels tender and achy everywhere, the pain spreading over her body so thoroughly that she can’t even try to separate it and catalogue her injuries. A groan escapes her lips as her head throbs unpleasantly, and she turns her head at a sudden noise from one side of the room, even though the movement sends a fresh wave of agony through her skull. 

Ben looks as though he’s been camped out on the couch of her med bay room for awhile as he startles from his sleep and springs from the too-small piece of furniture over to her bedside. He winces a bit as he moves, clearly feeling a bit banged up from the fight as well, but it doesn’t slow his reaction to her distress. “Rey, you’re awake -- are you okay?” he blurts out hurriedly, voice tinged with a mixture of relief and concern.

She manages a small laugh, but even  _ that _ hurts. “Honestly? Not really, but I think I’ll make it. Why does it feel like I fell into a sarlacc pit?” she groans, reaching for Ben’s hand since he’s being too hesitant to grab hers, probably in fear of somehow bumping an injury and making her pain worse.

Ben squeezes her hand gently and smiles down at her, then settles into a chair that had been pushed next to her bed. “Do you remember what happened?” he asks, thumb idly stroking across the back of her hand. 

“Yes. I remember all of it up until after I killed Sutku Ren and we were going to go back to the base -- and then suddenly I woke up here,” Rey says, shooting Ben a knowing look.

The dark-haired man rubs at the back of his neck sheepishly with his free hand. “I’m sorry, but you were being, well --  _ stubborn _ , so I had to knock you out. You were injured badly enough that I wasn’t even sure how you were  _ standing _ , and I couldn’t let you walk back to the base like that.”

Rey huffs out a laugh and gives Ben a little smile, relaxing back into the starchy med bay pillows. “I hardly even felt like I was hurt at all during the fight. I was so focused on getting us out of there safely that I guess I just pushed everything else out with the Force, because it wasn’t important.” 

“That’s one of the things the Force allows us to do, to keep fighting when by all rights we should be on the ground. But you have to be careful not to push it too far, because our bodies still have limits -- I probably should have covered that in our training sessions,” Ben pauses then, a grimace passing over his face. “There’s a lot of things I should have covered that I didn’t, actually. You did so incredibly well, and I’m beyond proud and so grateful that you were able to save both our asses back there. I think it’s becoming clear, though, that we  _ both _ need someone who knows more about the Force to teach us - especially when it comes to the light side.” 

Eyebrows raised in surprise, Rey looks over at Ben incredulously. It  _ sounds _ like he’s actually suggesting they go seek out Luke Skywalker, something Rey had been trying to persuade him of for months now. He doesn’t have to spell out for her exactly what he means, and she doesn’t ask him to, the knowledge passing between them despite the vagueness of Ben’s words. Rey knows how convoluted Ben’s feelings about his uncle are, knows how difficult it still is for him to face that particular betrayal. It’s an understatement to say it’s a huge step for Ben to suggest they find Luke; it’s a testament to just how far he’s come and how far he wants to go yet. 

“I agree,” she says simply, squeezing Ben’s hand and fighting against the exhaustion that’s threatening to pull her back into unconsciousness. The confrontation with the two Knights of Ren had been jarring enough without Ben suddenly putting a trip to find Luke on the table as well. It was too much for her tired mind to process at the moment. 

Ben catches onto her weariness through the bond and gingerly leans down to plant a kiss on her forehead. “We’ll get this all sorted out later, love. I’m going to track down a medic to make sure you’re cleared to leave the med bay, and then I’ll take to you back to our quarters so you can sleep there. I’m beat and the couch in here gives me an awful crick in my neck.”

Rey reaches her free hand up to tangle in his locks and pulls him down for a real kiss this time, albeit a gentle one. “Maybe if you weren’t so damn tall, you’d be able to fit on a normal-person sized couch,” she giggles out against his lips. He gives her a lopsided grin as he pulls back a bit and slides a hand into her hair, long fingers splaying over the nape of her neck comfortingly. With a tired smile and a drawn-out yawn, she quips at him, “go find that medic quickly, I’m about four minutes from falling back asleep and this time I’d like to wake up in  _ our  _ bed.”

 

This time when her eyes open and the ceiling comes into focus, she sees dull gray durasteel tiles instead of the blinding white of the med bay, and she’s wrapped up in the warm familiarity of her and Ben’s bed. The room is dim and quiet, and Rey has no idea what time of the day or night it might be; she’s wide awake now, though. Her pain has faded significantly, maybe because of the painkillers the medic had given her or because she had finally gotten some much-needed rest. Now that it doesn’t feel like  _ everything _ hurts, she can take stock of what kind of just how bad of shape she’s currently in.

The exercise is almost second nature to her after how often she had done this on Jakku, when she was inevitably injured during a scavenging expedition, defending her salvage from a would-be thief, or making a too-fast and too-full speeder haul. Moving through her routine, she focuses in on the different muscle groups of her body, breathing slow and controlled through her belly. She gingerly flexes and relaxes her stiff muscles, feeling for anything out of the ordinary and wincing a bit when she hits a tender spot or a definite injury. 

From what she can discern (and in this case, she could always check her record from the med bay) she has a lot of bruises, a few minor burns, and a mildly sprained wrist. Truthfully, she’s suffered much worse, and without any advanced medical attention. The most concerning is the deep wound delivered by one of the Knights’ saber pike, which was why Ben had carried her back to the base in the first place. It would heal, and had quite a bit already with the help of bacta and some rest, but she’d have a scar and would have to be mindful of it in next few weeks so it could heal quickly and cleanly. 

It was exactly what she didn’t need, with the Knights and Snoke clearly aware of their location and Ben finally ready to go find Luke Skywalker. Now was the time for Rey to be at her best, training hard and preparing for whatever the First Order might throw at them next. It seemed unlikely that Ben would allow her to do anything but recover, though - she can already hear their conversation playing out in her head, the ex-Knight taking on his no-nonsense tone and resolutely refusing to do any highly physical training with her until she’s healed. And he thought  _ she _ was stubborn. 

Perhaps at her thought, Ben starts to stir next to her, grunting and rubbing at his eyes as he turns onto his back. “Go back to sleep, Rey. Too early to be awake,” he slurs out with his eyes still shut. She turns to snuggle up to his side, throwing an arm over his broad chest and pillowing her head on his shoulder. 

“I can’t sleep any more. It’s not that early, anyway --” she says, turning to glance at the local-time chronometer on the bedside table hastily. “Just half past oh-five hundred hours. That’s like, normal breakfast time for a lot of people.”

The dark-haired man cracks open his eyes to give her a skeptical look. “If you’re suggesting we go to the mess hall at this Force-forsaken time of the morning, you must have took a hit to the head during that fight,” Ben grumbles out. 

Rey opens her mouth to retort something at him when her stomach churns and gurgles loudly, as if on cue. “Come on, Ben -- I haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday and I need to eat so I can heal,” she says, laughing and springing out of the bed to pull on his arm ineffectually. The ex-Knight lets out a groan and throws his free arm over his eyes in protest. “Fine, then. I’ll go by myself,” she huffs out as she drops his arm and moves to the dresser to pull on some nondescript sweatpants and a standard-issue Resistance sleep shirt. She hears the mattress creak and Ben grumbling behind her, and a victorious grin comes over her face.

They walk to the mess hall, the base’s corridors strangely tranquil at this hour. It’s a vivid contrast to the usual bustle, and Rey thinks maybe she should have gotten into the habit of getting up early awhile ago. This hour of the morning would lend itself well to meditation.

The mess is just as quiet as Rey predicted; there’s a smattering of personnel looking like they’re coming off the night shift and a handful of ambitious recruits scarfing down some food after a pre-dawn training session. Otherwise, it’s almost eerily deserted as she and Ben grab trays with food and steaming cups of caf, settling down at a table in one corner of the large room. 

“How are you doing, Rey? I mean, you seem fine, but --” Ben murmurs over their meal in between bites. She meets his gaze and pushes the jumble of her feelings at him - she’s hungry, sore and still really hurting in a few places, and also little overwhelmed - but underneath it there’s a current of anticipation at the possibility of finding Luke Skywalker soon. 

She also feels a sickly-strange sense of giddy triumph over the fight yesterday. She  _ should _ be grieving the lives of the Knights, as fellow sentient beings if nothing else, but instead she doesn’t find any sympathy for them within herself. If anything, that lack of remorse is what’s bothering her the most. 

_ This is a dangerous thing, Rey - even when we defeat enemies we need to remember their place in the Force as a living thing. Detached and senseless killing is a tool of the dark side -- but right now, I feel the same way you do. I was almost happy to see the Knights die, to know you had bested them,  _ Ben’s voice echoes in her head, their conversation rapidly having turned too serious for the hush of the mess hall.

Rey looks down at her tray and nods, pushing her food around her plate contemplatively.  _ And this is why we need to find Luke, and soon. He’ll know what to do. _

Ben speaks aloud this time, although his voice is nearly dropped to a whisper. “He might not have all the answers, Rey.” 

She knows he’s right, that Luke Skywalker is ultimately a mortal man and not the larger-than-life legend she’s made him out to be in her mind. He’s all that they’ve got, though - the last Jedi, the last living soul they know of with extensive knowledge of the light side of the Force. She senses some other trepidation behind Ben’s words, but she can only hope the ex-Knight and his uncle will be able to put their current need for training before what happened in the past. 

“It’s the only real option we have. If worse comes to worst, we leave and try things on our own,” Rey says, trying to sound more confident than she feels. “At this rate, we’ll be able to pick off all the Knights of Ren in ones and twos until there’s none left,” the ex-scavenger says with a grim laugh.  

Ben huffs out a laugh and shakes his head with a wry smile. “If only it were that easy. Sooner or later we’d come out on the losing side of a fight if things stayed the way they are now. Snoke would figure out a way to get to us eventually.”

“And again, that’s why I was trying to convince you we needed to go to Luke _ months _ ago.” Her tone is light, the smallest hint of a smile at one corner of her mouth, but she’s serious. It’s not about blaming him, because she really doesn’t - he blames himself enough for the both of them, really. They  _ both _ should have known better, should have been smarter about their training and more realistic about the shortcomings of Ben doing it all on his own.

The ex-Knight runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “Well, if nothing else, we’ve eliminated two Knights and got rid of that tracker I didn’t know I had.”

Rey’s expression turns thoughtful for a moment, then she lets out a short laugh. “You know, if we  _ had  _ gone to train with Luke before, they would have been able to trace us there. So maybe, all in all, what happened here was exactly what needed to.”

Ben raises one dark eyebrow at her skeptically. “That’s... a very valid point, actually. But I don’t know that it was worth it, the risk that you could have been captured or killed, or that you were injured so severely. It was probably the most scared I’ve ever been in my entire life, Rey.“

She reaches for Ben’s hand and covers it with her own smaller one. “I’m okay though, Ben. I’ll bounce back just fine, I had worse on Jakku. Besides, you were the one who taught me that the Force works in mysterious ways,” she finishes with a genuine smile.

The tall man gets up from the table with a wry smile, shaking his head as he collects their empty breakfast trays and moves to deposit them by the dishwashing droid. He looks at her with a bemused expression as they head out of the mess hall, voice deadpan despite the grin he’s trying to hold back as he says, “I think you and Luke will get along very well, Rey. You’re already spouting out nonsense wisdom about the Force and you haven’t even met him yet.”

They walk back to their quarters arm in arm, hips bumping together occasionally as they make their way through the still sparsely populated corridors. Their schedules have been cleared for the next couple of days so the two Force-sensitives can have some time to recover from their ordeal, and Rey’s grateful for it. They’ll need to rest up before they go find Luke, and she has a few holovids she’s been wanting to catch up on, anyway.

 

* * *

 

 

His mother is probably the busiest person on the entire base, if not in the entire Resistance, so Ben’s more than a little surprised when he gets up to answer the door and is suddenly face-to-face with the general herself. 

“Oh, hello mother -- come in,” Ben says, pushing off where he’d been leaning on the doorframe and stepping to the side so General Organa can walk through the door. 

She quirks an eyebrow at him, a little smile forming at one corner of her mouth. “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” she says as she steps into Rey and Ben’s quarters. Ben’s face heats and his ears turn pink, even though she really  _ hadn’t _ interrupted anything; he and Rey had just been watching some old holovids huddled up together on the couch.

“What? No, _ no _ \-- not at all. I’m just surprised you had time to drop by in the middle of the day,” he says quickly, wishing he wasn’t blushing all the way to the tips of his ears. Rey gets up from under her pile of blankets on the couch then, apparently unphased by Leia’s comment as she lets out a huff of laughter and walks past Ben to give his mother a hug in greeting.

The general returns the hug and pulls back to give Rey a smile before her features quickly school into something more serious. “Well, this isn’t just a social call, unfortunately. I’ve been trying to hold off and give the both of you some time to process what happened yesterday, but I think we all know it’s going to be important to act quickly for the sake of safety,” Leia says, moving over to the small dining table and taking a seat. 

Rey and Ben join her, the ex-scavenger’s features set into determination as she nods at the older woman. “We certainly don’t want put anyone at the base in danger with our presence here, and Ben and I can start getting our things packed up --” 

Leia shushes the younger woman gently with a raised hand. “Rey, I’m not trying to kick the two of you out. I would love nothing more than to keep my son and his partner close by, but it isn’t safe for  _ you _ to be on D’Qar anymore,” she says gently. “I don’t believe the First Order has any intentions to launch a full-scale attack on our base - apparently they’ve known our location for some time but have chosen not to carry out any offensive maneuvers here. They’re after the two of you, and without Ben’s tracker you should finally be able to leave D’Qar and elude them successfully.” The older woman pauses then and lets out a quiet sigh, reaching for Ben’s hand on the table and meeting his eyes as she says, “what I’m more worried about, though, is your training with the Force.”

Ben looks down at the table guiltily, unable to hold his mother’s knowing gaze as remorse and self-blame course through him. It was  _ his _ fault they were in this position; he had failed himself and Rey both. His training fell woefully short of the balanced approach they had envisioned, and he hadn’t been strong enough or alert enough to elude the two Knights who had taken him captive in yesterday’s ordeal. They had used him as bait to lure in Rey, he realized that now -  it could have ended with her being killed or captured and he was the one to blame. He curses himself for not knowing more about the light, for not agreeing with Rey to go seek out Luke sooner, and for not being the teacher she deserves. 

“Ben Solo, I did not come here to sit and watch you wallow in guilt over something that isn’t even your fault,” his mother says, voice gentle but firm. She reaches for her son’s face and tilts his chin up so his eyes meet her own. “You don’t have to do this by yourself. I know you’re worried about going to face Luke after -- well,  _ everything _ , but I think he’ll have it in him to forgive you. Even if he can’t move past what happened, he’ll still teach you both - his sense of duty is strong enough that he’ll know the importance of training you with the Force even if it’s difficult for him personally.”

“I destroyed his academy, killed his students, and went against everything he taught me, mother,” Ben responds, grimacing as he tugs a hand through his hair anxiously.

“There’s nothing any of us can do about the past, Ben. You’re moving forward now, and your uncle will be proud of the choices you’ve made after leaving the First Order. He forgave your grandfather in the end, you forget that.”

Ben looks over at Rey and sees a contemplative look on the young woman’s face as she mulls over his mother’s words. A crease between her brows betrays her concern as she speaks, “but what if he refuses to train us because of the -- balance we’re trying to achieve? He might not want anything to do with us if we use the dark side at all.”

“He doesn’t have much room to be choosy at this point. The two of you are the closest thing to Jedi that’s left in the galaxy, besides himself, and I think you’re underestimating how open-minded he can be. Knowing Luke, I won’t say it will be easy or quick to convince him, but you  _ need  _ to try. I may not be as Force sensitive as my brother or my son, but even I can feel the two of you have lost your balance. There’s too much dark in the two of you, and it scares me. I  _ won’t _ lose my son again,” the older woman says with a grim resolve.

Ben gives her a single nod in response, then speaks slowly but with a determination that matches his mother’s. “We’ll need to get our things packed, do a little research, and make arrangements for a ship. Two days, and then we leave for Ahch-to.” 

When it finally comes down to it, it’s much harder to leave behind the base on D’Qar than Ben had anticipated. The place had really and truly become their  _ home _ , and Ben had grown used to having his friends and parents so close by. Han and Leia had been absent more often than not during his childhood, busy with smuggling and diplomacy, respectively; the past few months it was as though they were trying to make up for it. They were so intent on giving him attention, in fact, that it had gotten to the point where he had considered asking them to let up and give him some more space. He hadn’t, though, because the little boy in him still relished every single bit of affection they gave him and something warm bloomed in his chest every time they made space for him in their admittedly very busy schedules. 

There were a lot of things he was sad to be leaving behind on the Resistance base. Ben would miss the big, rowdy dinners with his parents, Chewbacca, Finn, Poe, and Rey; would miss working on the  _ Falcon _ with his dad and Chewie even if they all knew Ben really wasn’t cut out to be a mechanic; would miss sneaking off in the middle of the night with Rey, Finn, and Poe to go splash around and swim in the lake a couple of klicks from the bunker. He even felt a strange sentimentality for the cramped, standard-issue quarters he and Rey had shared, their little haven away from the constant busy hum of the base. He didn’t think he had ever felt so attached to a space before, but it might have something to do with the sweetness of many of the recent memories he associated with the place.

For the past couple of days, and especially right now, he’s been forcing himself to not think of this as  _ goodbye _ , or at least not in a permanent way. Maybe Ben was being unrealistic - everyone he loved and cared about was in the line of duty for an active military organization, after all - but he didn’t think he could hold it together if he thought about the possibility this could be the last time he saw his parents or his friends. 

A small group had amassed in the hangar for a little impromptu going-away gathering - his family and their friends, as well as some of the Resistance personnel that they had gotten to know well during their few months here. His mother must have organized it, he thinks; unsurprisingly she had kept it a secret from Ben, and for valid reasons. He would have blanched at the idea and insisted they leave without any fanfare whatsoever, but he has to admit he’s pretty touched by the gesture and glad he’ll get a chance to say goodbye to everyone before he leaves. Honestly, he’s a little surprised and overwhelmed with the turnout, and it’s a strange feeling, to suddenly be realizing the number of people he’s going to miss when they leave the base.

Ben’s tucked himself back away from most of the group, standing near the metal wall of the hangar bay where the little transport shuttle they’ll be taking to Ahch-To is docked. His mother has shot him a few encouraging looks to come out and enjoy the get-together and interact a little, but now her glances his way have morphed into being openly disproving as he continues to try and sit out his own party. He’s not planning on standing over here the whole afternoon, really - because he does want to make sure he says goodbye to the friends he’s made here, but right now he just needs to take a bit to scope everything out and collect his thoughts. 

From his vantage point twenty or so paces away, he watches for the lithe form he knows so well, having lost sight of his partner for a few minutes while his mind wandered. His eyes eventually settle on the back of a head with a distinctive triple-bun hairstyle; Rey’s exchanging a tearful embrace with Finn, although from here it looks to Ben as though the ex-stormtrooper is doing significantly more crying than Rey, tears running down his cheeks freely as the young woman rubs at his back soothingly. She turns her head and must say something comforting to him, because then she extricates herself from his arms gently and walks a few paces away to talk with her fellow pilot and good friend Jessika Pava. 

Seeing an opening and figuring he might as well go and start socializing before his mother has to drag him by his ear to do so, the ex-Knight strides over to where Finn’s standing, giving the shorter man a comforting pat on the back. He knows how deep the friendship between Rey and Finn runs, and how tough it’s going to be for the two of them to be apart after seeing each other everyday and fighting alongside each other so often. He’d grown close to Finn during his months here as well. After earning his trust early on, Ben had found it easy to confide in the other man and genuinely enjoyed his company, whether it be on the training grounds or in his and Rey’s quarters watching a holovid with their little tight-knight group. 

Ben isn’t an overly physical man when it comes to affection, so he flinches a bit when Finn captures him in a bone-crushing hug. He recovers quickly though, bringing his arms up around the shorter man. “I know Rey’s more than capable of watching out for herself, and she’d punch me if she ever heard me implying otherwise,” Finn says as he pulls back and wipes at his nose with his sleeve. “Please keep her safe, Ben. Just -- I know she doesn’t  _ need _ you to, but take care of her, alright?” 

Ben meets Finn’s gaze and gives him a solemn nod. “Of course I will, you know I’d do anything to make sure Rey is safe,” he responds, voice thick with emotion. 

The ex-trooper gives him a watery smile in response. “I know. Make sure you take care of yourself, too. You’re a good man, Ben, and I’m happy Rey has someone like you,” Finn finishes, giving him another quick hug before walking over towards Poe, leaving the taller man with a bloom of warmth in his chest at his friend’s words. It was easy to forget that less than a half-year ago, Kylo Ren had stared down FN-2187, the trooper who refused to kill on command, after the First Order’s raid on a Jakku village - and now, Finn is one of his closest friends and Ben would trust him with his life in a heartbeat. He can’t do anything but grin and shake his head at the thought of how much things have changed for the better since he became Ben Solo again.

From the corner of his eye and the periphery of their bond in his mind, Ben’s aware of Rey bouncing around the crowd, making sure to get around to everyone at least once. Rey has always been universally well-liked around the base, kind and friendly to anyone whose path she crossed and a proven ally on the battlefield as well. Ben doesn’t know most of those around them nearly as well as Rey, so he moves back to stand on the side of the crowd, choosing to let people come to him if they’d like to talk. Even after the several months Ben’s been living on the base, there are still those that don’t feel entirely comfortable with the ex-Knight, and he doesn’t begrudge them their distrust at at. Ben’s surprised, then, when nearly everyone who had come to the hangar for the get-together eventually makes it over to him to offer a handshake or even just a wish for safe travel and success with his training.

The next hour or so passes in a blur as Ben finds himself getting pleasantly lost in the hum of conversation around him. More hugs and well-wishes are exchanged, promises to keep in touch are made, and the two Force-sensitives reassure that they’ll come visit as soon as it seems safe - although no one wants to think about how long that might be. By the time they’re scheduled to actually leave, Ben’s feeling misty-eyed and more than a little overwhelmed. At this point, most of those who had come out have drifted back to their duties or training, leaving just a handful of the people closest to them staying back to send Rey and Ben off.

His mother approaches him then, having hung back during the rest of the gathering to save her goodbyes for when it was a little quieter and more private. Ben barely manages to hold back the tears that threaten to spill forth as she pulls him in for a hug, his throat thick with unshed tears as he promises her they’ll send word through the ship’s comm as soon as they arrive on Ahch-To. He leans down to give Leia a kiss on the cheek, thanking her again for everything she’s done for him during his stay on the base - and before that, for accepting him back so readily after everything that had happened. 

Ben and Leia walk over to where the rest of the group is gathered, a little gaggle at near the bottom of the transport’s ramp consisting of Poe, Finn, Han, Chewbacca, and Rey. The ex-scavenger looks to be completely enveloped in Chewbacca’s thick fur as the Wookie lets out a grumbling roar of affection, and Ben winces in sympathy. He knows firsthand how bone-crushing his honorary uncle’s hugs can be. Once Rey’s managed to wiggle free of Chewie’s grasp, Han gives her a pat on the back and Ben grins when he overhears the ex-smuggler whisper-shout to Rey, “You make sure to keep Ben in line. He may be a little shit sometimes, but he really cares about you a lot, kid.”

Ben isn’t really sure how to say goodbye to his father; he’d never been very affectionate with him as a child and even now there often seems to be an edge of awkwardness between them. He knew he wasn’t the son Han Solo had hoped for, and that it was hard for his dad to make a connection with a kid who was so gifted with a power the ex-smuggler didn’t even want to try to understand. They make eye contact, and his father is face to face with him in a few quick strides. Ben’s enveloped in a quick and tight hug; his father pulls back quickly, but Ben still recognizes and appreciates the affection in the gesture.

“I’m proud of you, Ben. Work hard with Luke, and try to make it back to visit when you can. I’ve gotten pretty used to having your help with repairs on the  _ Falcon _ , you know,” Han says with his signature lopsided grin. For his part, Ben can only nod, but his dad understands and clasps a hand over his shoulder before stepping aside to give Chewbacca his turn to say farewell. 

Once they’ve made the rounds again, Leia gestures to the transport. “It’s time you two were going, I suppose,” she says gently to Rey and Ben. 

The ship’s already been loaded with provisions and all the necessary supplies; it would take eighteen hours of hyperspace travel to get to Ahch-To, and no one was sure what kind of supplies Luke would have or if he’d be able to sustain two more people on the planet he’d sent himself for exile. Ben was having a hard time picturing what it Luke’s living situation would be like on the mostly water-covered planet - from the research they had done, there wasn’t any sentient life on Ahch-To aside from his uncle.

They’ve prepared themselves as well as they could for the trip and have said their goodbyes; there’s nothing more for them to do but leave D’Qar, although Ben hopes fiercely that it won’t be for good. 

Rey reaches for Ben’s hand and threads her small fingers through his as they walk up the ship’s ramp, waving back to the handful of people who had stayed to see them off. Ben takes one last glance at his parents, his father standing behind his mother with his arms around her comfortingly, both of them smiling and waving despite the ripple of sadness and longing he can feel coming off them through the Force. It strikes him that they miss him already, and he’s a little stunned to realize he feels the same. Rey gives his hand a tight squeeze as his emotions bleed over their bond and she sends a wave of affection his way. 

They walk onto the ship and head to the small cockpit, Rey giving Ben a withering look when he starts towards the pilot’s chair. He lets out a huff of laughter and holds his hands up in surrender, dropping into the copilot’s spot with a heavy thump.

Ben settles back into the leather of the seat, reaching for the control panel until Rey gives him a none-too gentle slap to the wrist.  _ Just let me handle it, we’ll get there faster that way,  _ she sends to him subliminally, tone slightly amused. The dark-haired man sighs and settles back into his chair then, observing how fluidly and almost instinctively the ex-scavenger takes control of the craft. Rey’s fingers nimbly flick over switches and buttons too fast for the ex-Knight to follow, and soon they’re prepped for take off. She opens the commlink to ground control and declares their intent for departure, getting the go-ahead within moments. 

The ship’s engines hum as Rey steers them out of the hangar smoothly, Ben looking down at the waving figures quickly shrinking as they leave the bay and enter the skies around D’Qar. Ben feels something in his chest clench as his friends and family finally recede into specks too small to make out anymore. 

“They’re the reason why we’re doing this, aren’t they?” Ben says, voice abrupt in the otherwise quiet hum of the cockpit. It’s just hit him how far he’s willing to go to protect the people they’re leaving behind on the base, how important it is that they train hard and take down the Knights of Ren and Snoke -  not only create a safe future for the two of them, but for their loved ones as well. Rey turns away from the viewport briefly to give him an understanding look and a small smile.

“Of course they are. But it’s more than that - we’re doing this for ourselves, and for each other, and for the whole galaxy. This is kind of a big deal, actually,” she says, tone light but mood abruptly turning heavy from what Ben can feel through their bond.

She’s busy piloting, or he would reach a hand over to cover hers, so he settles for a little affectionate nudge with the Force instead. He wants to reassure her, tell her everything will be fine and they’ll figure it out, but even before he speaks the words he can feel how hollow they are. It isn’t that he doesn’t believe they can be successful, but he knows that it won’t be easy and how heavily the odds will be stacked against their success. It’s the two of them - and Luke, he hopes - against Force knows how many well-trained Knights and an extremely powerful and knowledgeable dark side user with nearly limitless resources at his disposal. Despite all of that, he won’t deny he and Rey have a fighting chance and their own set of advantages, but Ben’s still almost afraid to hope sometimes.

Rey understands without him saying anything, and somehow they manage to meet in the middle, comforting each other and at least taking solace in the fact that they have each other and in this moment they’re safe. 

As the ship breaks out of D’Qar’s atmosphere, Rey punches in the coordinates for their destination and double checks everything before firing up the hyperdrive to launching them into lightspeed. Ben relaxes at the familiar blur of stars through the viewport, knowing that now they have a little less than a day of respite before they have to deal with what could await them at their destination. For now, he’s not going to think about exactly how he should approach Luke or what arguments they could use to convince the Jedi if he’s hesitant about training them, and instead he’s going to let himself unwind for at least a few hours’ time. 

Thankfully, Rey seems to be on the same page. She gets up from the pilot’s chair and walks over to Ben, offering him a hand up. He rises out of the bucket seat and wraps his arms around the young woman’s small form, breathing in the comforting scent of her and laughing when she squeezes around his ribs so hard it feels like he might bruise. 

“I’m glad we’re finally doing this. I feel like the Force is pushing us to train with Luke - it’s still scary, but it feels  _ right _ ,” Rey says, voice slightly muffled from where she’s pressed her face against his chest. “ -- but no more planning or worrying for until tomorrow. There’s no point in showing up to Ahch-To completely burnt out, anyway.” She pulls back to interlace their fingers, tugging Ben along by the hand into the ship’s small lounge area, popping into their quarters along the way to grab a holobook out of one of her bags. 

Ben flops down on the cushioned lounge, back propped up against one end with his legs sprawled out as he closes his eyes and lets a contented sigh escape his lips. Rey settles into the space between his thighs on the lounge and leans against against him, her back against his chest, and starts on the holobook she’d brought. 

He closes his eyes and tilts his head back against the bulkhead, arms circling around Rey’s waist. Ben’s more than content to let his mind clear and drift, physically and emotionally wrung out from the rush of the last handful of days. 

Through the quickly-advancing drowsy haze, the dark-haired man hears Rey speaking. “You can sleep, Ben. I’ll wake you up for dinner and --” Ben doesn’t hear the rest of what she says, or at least doesn’t comprehend it, because he’s slipped into an exhausted sleep before she even finishes the sentence. 


	12. Chapter 12

Rey lets Ben nap for a full three hours, leaning back against him and reading the novel Finn had given her as a going away present. It was a lighthearted, almost silly romance holobook that he’d handed her with a smile and a suggestion to  _ take some time to relax and lose yourself in something that isn’t so serious _ , so that’s exactly what she plans on doing for the evening. 

Ben’s breathing is deep and steady against her back, and if she focuses on it she can feel the steady thump of his heartbeat over the skin between her shoulderblades. She wishes, not for the first time, that they had more opportunities to just  _ be together _ like this. On D’Qar, they’d had a fair amount of downtime, but there was always the chance Rey would be called away for a short-notice mission or Ben would be pulled into an emergency meeting to share some First Order intel. They could never be totally at ease, and sadly that would probably remain the case for the foreseeable future.

Training with Luke, she thought, would be even more intensive than their Resistance involvement on D’Qar had been. It was necessary, though, and the idea was that they would work ceaselessly now so they could be prepared to help take down the First Order - and eventually earn the kind of peace that would allow them to do things like spend the afternoon taking naps and reading trashy romance holobooks anytime they wanted.

Once her empty stomach starts to grumble in protest, Rey extricates herself from Ben’s grasp to prepare a couple of ration packs for the two of them. She knows the freeze dried meals aren’t Ben’s favorite kind of fare, and after months of real food even the ex-scavenger had to admit they were a little bland. The survivalist within her, that part that acutely remembers the gnawing hunger after only scavenging enough for three quarter portions for days on ends, realizes that if nothing else, she at least gets to eat  _ enough _ of the rations to fill her belly on a daily basis. Besides, she had a feeling whatever Luke was eating on Ahch-To wasn’t much better, and they’d be stuck with the crates of rations they’d packed as their main source of food for months on end if they trained on the island planet. She’d certainly made it on much less, and much  _ worse _ . 

Rey picks at her nails while she waits for the water to boil, then pours the hot liquid into the pouches, watching while they puff up and steam within seconds as the food reconstitutes. The ex-Knight wakes up when he smells dinner, rubbing at his eyes blearily as he settles at the small dining table. They eat in comfortable silence, chatting idly about what their friends and Ben’s parents might be doing back on the Resistance base. 

 

The rest of the evening goes by too quickly for Rey’s liking, their last few hours of worry-free time slipping away before she feels ready to face what’s coming tomorrow. They retire to the ship’s captain quarters early, taking full advantage of the largest bed on board the transport. Rey has no idea what their living arrangements or level of privacy will be while they're training with Luke on Ahch-To, so she's determined to enjoy Ben’s body as much as she can, while she can - because unfortunately she thinks it could be some time before they have the chance to do this again. They have to be gentler than Rey would have liked because of her recent injuries, but she’s damned if she’ll let anything slow her down right now. They take each other apart with lips and tongues and hands, get lost in the push and pull of their bodies again and again until the two of them are a sticky, sated, and blissed out mess. 

The two of them drift off to sleep in a tangle of limbs, the sweat-damp sheet draped haphazardly over their bodies. Rey slips effortlessly and soundly into sleep as her dreams and Ben’s blur and shift together over their bond. At some point during the night, they slip into a mutual subconscious throb of arousal, bodies sweat-slick and desperate as they rut together in their dream. Rey wakes up panting and so wet she feels like she might start dripping with Ben looming above her in the dim of the cabin, the dark-haired man breathing heavy with a sheen of sweat over his chest. 

“Figured if we were going to dream about it, we might as well wake up and actually fuck for real,” he says breathlessly with a wicked smirk, leaning on one hand to reach down between Rey’s thighs. He makes contact with her heated flesh, and she bucks up against him eagerly, already biting back a cry. “ _ Shit _ , you’re wet for me.”

Ben starts circling his thumb around her already swollen clit and Rey moans, fumbling to get a hand around the tall man’s cock. He hisses above her when she encircles his length and gives it a few lazy pumps, and Rey can’t help but smirk when she finds how much precome is gathered at the tip. “I see I’m not the only one who’s wet,  _ Ben _ ,” she quips, reaching one hand up to his neck to pull him down for a sloppy, tongue-heavy kiss.

He groans and nips at her lip when she adds a slight twist to every upward stroke over the head of his cock, pulling away from her mouth to let his head drop to her shoulder. He mouths at the skin there, worrying at it with his teeth until Rey hisses out in pleasure-pain.  “Fuck, I need to get inside of you now,  _ please,  _ Rey,” Ben moans into her neck, hips thrusting into her fist while he slips two long fingers inside of her heat.

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” Rey says with a grin, pushing at Ben’s shoulder with a little assistance from the Force until he’s on his back underneath her. His eyes are already glassy, pupils blown wide as he looks up at her like she hung the stars, and Rey thinks she’ll never get tired of this, not ever. She reaches behind her back for Ben’s cock again, lifting herself up on her haunches to line him up to her slick entrance. She doesn’t need to take him in slowly, not with how frequently they’d done this in the past six or seven hours, but Rey does anyway to watch the agonizing pleasure flit over Ben’s features as he tries desperately not to thrust up into her, a broken off moan escaping from his lips.

Once her thighs are flush with the dips of his pelvis, she leans down for another kiss, tangling her fingers in Ben’s dark locks. He slides his own hands over her hips, the width of his palms and span of his fingers making her feel impossibly small under his grip. Rey starts a leisurely pace at first, reveling in the hot slide of friction as she swivels above Ben, hips canting and bucking as she rides him. 

Ben grows impatient first, his grip on the jut of her hipbones going bruise-tight as he hauls her bodily up and then eases her back own on his cock. Rey takes the hint with a smirk, bracing her palms on the expanse of the dark-haired man’s chest and using her increased leverage to ramp up the pace. Dark eyes lock down to where they’re joined, Ben’s face and neck flushing as he watches ravenously.

“ _ Force _ , I love to watch you fuck yourself on my cock,” he groans, a large hand sliding up to palm at one of her breasts roughly. Rey moans and nods in agreement, nails digging into the swell of Ben’s pectorals, leaving half-moon crescents in their wake. With the hand kneading at her sensitive flesh, the dark-haired man circles a hardened nipple with his broad thumb, saber callous catching slightly on her areola and sending a jolt of pleasure down Rey’s spine.

With how many times Rey’s come in past handful of hours, there’s no way she should be this close again already, but the angle she’s found is near-perfect. He’s hitting her deep, cockhead passing over that electric spot within her every time she slams back down on him. Maybe it had been that foggy, ethereal place they’d reached in their dream together that was putting her on edge so quickly, and when she reaches out to enmesh her mind with his through their bond, she feels he’s dangerously close as well.

The desire echoing between them nearly knocks the breath out of her lungs, and Rey pitches forward, catching herself on her forearms on either side of the dark fan of Ben’s hair over the mattress. “Need to come, Ben --  _ fuck _ ,” she whines out, nipping at his already bitten-red bottom lip. Ben’s appears to be beyond the point of responding verbally, instead releasing a feral growl from his chest as his hands slip back down to her hips for leverage.

Bracing his heels on the mattress and holding Rey’s hips steady with the broad span of his palms, Ben fucks up into her at a jackhammer pace, adjusting the angle every handful of thrusts until he finds the one that makes her keen and hits it ruthlessly over and over again. Rey tangles one hand in his hair, yanking on the dark locks until he groans and tangling their tongues in a sloppy, open-mouthed, and breathy kiss. 

“Love you so much, Rey, love to feel you come around me,” Ben pants into her mouth, eyes sqeezing shut as he fights off his own orgasm, desperate to hold off until he’s driven her over the edge. Rey clenches up around him, feeling the tension low in her belly reaching a breaking point as his thrusts hit dead-on once, twice -- and on the third rough stroke she’s coming, moaning uncontrollably. She tries to bury her face in his neck as she rides it out, but one large hand shoots up from where it had been on her hip to grip her jaw unyieldingly, his gaze boring into her with startling intensity. 

He’s nearly grimacing when his own orgasm hits seconds later, eyes going impossibly dark, gaze locked with hers. She shudders when she feels him pulsing inside of her, setting off a string of aftershocks so strong she almost thinks she might be climaxing again. After an indeterminable amount of time, Rey finally comes down, slumping against Ben’s chest and catching her breath.

The tall man surprises her when he tugs up under her arms, pulling her off him and lifting her up his body until she’s straddling his waist. She furrows her brows and opens her mouth to ask what’s he’s doing, but he answers her question before it leaves her mouth. 

“Come here, want to clean you up,” he says as he slips his hands around the backs of her thighs and tugs, voice low and broken with lust. His words and the burning intensity in his eyes send a rush of renewed arousal down her spine and she scrambles to comply, settling her knees on either side of his ears. His fingers span out over the tops of his thighs, pulling her down roughly until her cunt is flush against his mouth. 

Ben’s moans are muffled as he laps at her, licking and sucking up the mixture of her slick and his seed until Rey’s shaking above him, back arched and holding onto the headboard for dear life, another orgasm quickly approaching. They’d never done this before, the idea of it had never even crossed Rey’s mind - but the feeling of his tongue working at her sensitive and fucked-out cunt, cleaning up the mess he’d made of her, might be one of her new favorite things. He works at her until she’s near incoherency, grinding down against the hard ridges of his nose and chin while she whimpers above him. Sensing how close she is and finally taking mercy on her, Ben latches onto her clit, grazing it gently with his teeth until she’s seeing stars behind her eyelids and trembling through another climax.

She slides back down the tall man’s body, well and truly exhausted now, mind hazy with post-orgasm bliss. Ben gives her a lazy grin and reaches a hand into her hair to pull her mouth to his, his kiss sloppy and slow and tasting of what he’d just licked up from between her thighs. 

Rey rolls off him finally, once she’s chased the taste of both of them out of his mouth and her eyes are drifting shut of their own volition. Ben pulls her to his chest and plants a kiss on one delicate shoulder before they both pass out again, too exhausted now to even dream.        

In the morning, they scarf down a couple of ration packs for breakfast and Rey settles into the cockpit to make sure they’re still on the right course and all the ship’s systems are in good shape. Everything checks out, and she heads back to the lounge after it’s apparent there’s nothing else for her to do until they’re ready to jump out of lightspeed in a couple of hours, the ship still running smoothly on autopilot.

Dread sets in while Ben and Rey hunker down to wait out the last portion of their travel to Ahch-To, both too anxious about what could happen on their arrival to relax at all. They don’t discuss plans, either - they’d spent two days doing almost nothing but playing out how they might approach and convince Luke after they’d made the decision to leave and find him. Nearly every possible scenario had been mulled over at length between the two Force-sensitives along with Han and Leia, so there didn’t seem to be a point in delving into it again. They were as prepared as they could be, and whatever happened when they reached the island planet, Rey could at least rest assured they had done all they could to ready themselves for it for it.

Rey tries to pick back up her holobook to no avail, the words echoing meaningless in her mind as she tries not to think about Ahch-To. Ben sits at the small dining table lost in thought, fidgeting anxiously before suddenly standing up and moving to a mostly open area of the room and starting to run through some of the simpler saber forms. It isn’t unusual for the ex-Knight to throw himself into a training exercise when he’s stressed, and Rey reaches out for Ben’s mind through their bond, unsurprised to find it a whirl of emotions. They’d been over how Ben felt about training with Luke, the amount of grief it brought up for him - but he understood how important it was for them to complete their training this way, and he was more than eager to do whatever he could to atone for what he had done to Luke and try and put the past behind them. It was easier said than done, though, and for now Rey left the dark-haired man to work out his thoughts alone, knowing this was one of the times he simply needed some space to himself in his own head.

She chooses a spot near the other end of the small room, crouching down into a cross-legged sitting position and leaning back against the bulkhead a bit to get comfortable. Meditation almost always comes easily for her, a fact she’s thankful for right now as she slips into a light trance and feels the Force rush in and her anxiety rush out. 

 

Time blurs, and Rey comes back to the present when she hears a shrill beep from the cockpit, signaling they’ve come close enough to their destination for her to take the ship out of lightspeed. She unfolds herself from her meditative pose and stands up, making eye contact with Ben, who apparently moved on to running through advanced saber forms while she was meditating. His shirt is nearly soaked through with sweat, and his hair looks damp where’s pushed it back and out of his face.

“Feeling any better, then?” Rey asks as she approaches him. “I have to go pull us out of hyperspace, and you’re welcome to come be my co-pilot if you’d like.” 

The tall man turns and flashes her a small grin as he shakes his head. “I need to hit the ‘fresher first, we’ll probably leave a better impression with Luke if I don’t show up smelling worse than a bantha,” he says with a small huff of laughter before his expression melds into somehting more serious. “I think I’m ready, though, or as much as I’ll ever be. Everything feels more -- collected now, being in my own mind was getting a little overwhelming for a while there.” 

Rey nods and reaches up on her tiptoes to plant a quick kiss on his lips before they head their separate ways. She strides into the cockpit, settles into the pilot’s chair, and coaxes the hyperdrive into a smooth transition out of lightspeed. Piloting has always been an escape for her - ever since she built her own flight simulator back on Jakku, everything about the entire experience of flying never fails to calm her mind and body. Right now, the thrum of the engines around her and the feel of the controls under her hands is like a meditation pose in its own way, the last of the tension she’s carrying slipping away as she navigates into the stratosphere of Ahch-To. 

Finding a map of the island planet had been a nearly impossible feat, considering the fact that it was so isolated and completely uninhabited besides. Some digging had led them to the discovery that Ahch-To was the location of the first Jedi temple, and from there Leia had somehow found an old and nearly crumbling map, scrawled on flimsi with some a sections left sparse or incomplete - but it had been enough for them to plan out a suitable place to land their ship, at the base of the rocky island that houses the temple ruins. Heading for that location, Rey adjusts their trajectory to the Southern hemisphere of the planet, marveling at the view of the nearly endless span of ocean through the front viewport as she steers the craft.

Ben pads into the cockpit then, still toweling off his dark hair and plopping into the co-pilot’s bucket seat heavily. “I can feel his presence him already. He’s near the temple and he knows we’re here -- but I can’t sense his emotions, he’s blocking me out,” Ben says, voice sounding far away as he stares out at the oceans below them, eyes unfocused. Their destination is coming into view, a craggy island mottled with green patches of grass and moss. 

“We’ll go with our original plan to land on that island, then, and I think I can see the flat area from the map. We should have more than enough room to land there, but it’ll be a hike to the top,” Rey responds. The cockpit is silent except for the engine’s hum and the occasional quiet beep from the control panel, and after a few minutes’ time, Rey is gliding the ship into a smoothing landing, flicking switches to lower the ramp and killing the engine. 

Before she can forget, she sends off a quick message over their comm to Leia to let her know they had arrived safely and were leaving the ship to seek out Luke as soon as possible. Before they left the base, Ben had promised her they would make contact, but Rey knows neither of them are are in the right state for a lengthy call. Thankfully, General Organa isn’t the type to begrudge them for needing that bit of space right now.

Ben is the first to stand, unclipping his saber and dropping the crossguard hilt heavily onto the co-pilot’s seat. Rey rises from her own chair and gives him a curious look, but the dark haired man shakes his head. “I won’t approach him armed. If things go poorly and he tries to attack me -- it’s no less than I deserve,” he says, gaze breaking from hers. 

“It won’t come to that, Ben, but if it does you know I’ll step in and --” Rey starts, but Ben silences her with a piercing look.

“I don’t want you to get involved between anything that might happen between me and Luke, alright?” 

Rey gives him a questioning look. “Do you really expect me to let something happen to you? Luke Skywalker may be your uncle and I won’t deny how desperately we need his help, but I would never hesitate to defend you by  _ any _ means necessary if it comes down to it. I’m willing to risk our chance to train with him if it means you’re safe and unharmed.” Her tone leaves no room for argument, or at least she  _ thought _ it didn’t, but Ben opens his mouth to protest anyway. Rey is swift to stop whatever he is going to say, however. “We are  _ not _ going to argue about this. This isn’t the time or the place, and it’s unreasonable for you to think that I wouldn’t protect you. I love you, Ben, and I’m not going to risk losing you.”

Instead of responding verbally, Ben closes the gap of space between them in two long strides and captures her in an embrace. His own love for her is unspoken, but Rey can feel it through their Force bond as clearly as if he had shouted it out. Rey leans her head into his chest as her arms come up around the broad expanse of his back, and she feels the tall man rest his chin on the top of her head. “I’m sorry, Rey, you’re right. Let’s just -- get this over with, then,” he says as he pulls back with a kiss to her forehead, his face set with a grim determination. 

Rey double checks her belt for the borrowed lightsaber hilt - she has to admit, she’s going to miss having the blade by her side, but it’s time it was returned to its true master. They exit the ship, walking down the ramp into the crisp air of the island. She takes a moment to breathe in the scent of the ocean, the salty tang completely novel to her after a life mostly spent in the desert. 

Ben hesitates only a moment before zeroing in on a small path leading up and away from their landing site, striding in the direction of the island’s peak and motioning Rey to follow. They start their ascent to the higher elevations of the island, where Ben points out the far off ruins of the temple. Rey can hardly make out the shape of the hewn stone buildings, but she trusts Ben’s sense of direction here, with Luke’s presence like a beacon in his mind, and so she heads off in the direction he guides her to. 

_ He wants us to come to him, then? _ Rey asks Ben as they start to make their way up the steep and winding cut stone stairs that seem to lead to the ruins. The tall man is a few paces behind her, and even though they’re in good physical shape, the ex-Scavenger is feeling a little short of breath and can hear Ben’s slightly labored breathing behind her as well.

_ Yes. If he didn’t, he’d be blocking me out completely and we could spend days or weeks searching the planet without turning up a trace of him _ , Ben responds.  _ He’s remained in hiding for this long, if he wasn’t ready to be found he would make damn sure he wasn’t.  _

The idea reassures Rey a little bit, and she’s glad when they eventually come face-to-face with Luke, the last Jedi won’t be surprised to see them. Surely the man must have intended to be found at some point, considering how he had left a map to his location. Whether or not  _ they _ were the people he wanted to seek him out after his long years of exile - well, she and Ben would find out shortly, Rey supposed. 

 

The hike up to the Jedi temple ruins takes the greater part of the morning. The sun is barely peeking through the clouds right above their heads as they come within a hundred paces of the large flat area where most of the stone buildings are clustered. Rey’s never met Luke so she’s not familiar with his particular Force signature, but from this close even she can sense his strength and the slightest of tugs toward where he must be standing right now. In the space where she’d normally be able to pick up on a hint of a person’s emotions through the Force, however, Rey comes across an invisible wall keeping her out. Ben was right - Luke knew they were here and wanted them to come to him, but they couldn’t be sure what state they would find the Jedi in. 

She’s actually somewhat glad of the distance they had to cover to reach the long-abandoned temple, her mind clearing and smoothing over as her body worked to move her up the winding path of narrow stone steps. It was hard to be sure exactly how far they’d had to climb, but judging on the time it had taken Rey thinks it must have been a few klicks at least. The ancient Jedi apparently had not wanted members of their Order to have an easy time traveling to and from their headquarters, and she supposed it made sense in a way, the long journey quite meditative in its nature.  

Ben’s just a few steps behind her, and once she climbs the last roughhewn stair, Rey stops dead as she sees the unmistakable shape of a person near the cliff’s edge, only fifty or so paces from where she is now. The tall man nearly bumps into her as he finishes the assent, and comes to stand beside her once his eyes fall on the figure she had spotted. Through their bond, Rey feels only determination and focus where Ben had been exuding an anxious turmoil just a few hours ago. He slips his hand into hers and gently pulls her with him as they begin to close the gap between the two of them and the cloaked figure near the cliff. Rey breathes in the sea air deeply as she lets the thrum of the Force slip into and through her, flowing strong and heady from the stones of the ruined temple. She can feel Ben doing the same, pulling in so much light that Rey thinks if she glanced over at him, he’d be glowing with it.

Luke Skywalker turns at their approach, the older man’s cloak and beard haggard in a  reflection his years of self-imposed exile on the abandoned planet. He doesn’t say anything, and his gaze is as once so stoic and so tumultuous with emotion that Rey can’t even begin to read it. With surprisingly steady fingers, she reaches for the saber clipped at her belt, pulling it free slowly with her eyes still trained on Luke. One hand still clutching Ben’s like it’s the only thing keeping them both grounded, she holds out the metallic hilt to its former master.

The Jedi’s gaze doesn’t waver from hers for a few tense heartbeats that seem to stretch out forever as dread tries to claw at Rey’s composure. She’s about to return the saber to her belt when Luke reaches up his own hand in a mirror of her posture and Rey feels the hilt being tugged from her grasp. She releases her hold on the weapon, and it sails into Luke’s open palm effortlessly. 

He inclines his head to her in gratitude. “I never thought I’d see this lightsaber again, after the circumstances I lost it in. Thank you, it means much to me to have it back,” the older man says, tone measured and careful, voice gravelly from disuse. “I have a feeling the two of you didn’t come here just to return my weapon to me, though.”

“Luke, I don’t --” Ben starts, dropping Rey’s hand to step forward a pace. His uncle silences whatever he’s going to say with a cutting look, leaving the dark-haired man to stop short, brows creased in concern.

“You sought me out for training, and I’m not sure if I’m ready to give that to you yet. I can feel you’ve changed, Ben, and I  _ want _ to trust you but I’m not sure if I can,” Luke says with a pained look. “This isn’t a decision I can take lightly. I’m going to meditate on this for a few days and let the Force guide me to make the right choice. I suggest you don’t wander far, and either stay on your ship or find a place in the temple, but I ask that you don’t disturb me. I will summon you both when my decision is made.” 

Luke turns away from them in a clear dismissal then, and Ben stands with his mouth open for a few moments before thinking better of saying anything more and turning on his heel back towards the stone stairs. Rey feels a little dumbstruck herself and nearly stumbles over her own feet in an attempt to catch up with the tall man. 

_ Was that good or bad, what happened back there?  _ Rey asks tentatively as they start their descent back towards the ship. 

Ben doesn’t turn back to her as he responds,  _ it was better than some of the alternatives, and he didn’t outright refuse us. I have a hard time believing the Force won’t ‘side’ with us on this one, we both know how right it felt to come here and seek him out for training. I don’t think we were pushed here only to be sent away unsuccessful.  _

It did seem unlikely that they’d be denied training from Luke now that they were here, Rey had to admit, but the uncertainty and unresolved tension of the situation is making her stomach knot up with anxiety again. She takes a deep breath and tries to shift her focus to the here and now. Her recently injuries are flaring up with a bit of pain after the exertion of their assent, and she has a feeling that making it back down is going to wipe out the last of her energy and pain tolerance.  _ Will we stay in the ship, then?  _ she quieres wordlessly, seriously doubting whether she’d be able to make the climb again today if they needed to go back down to the ship to retrieve some of their basic supplies.

_ You clearly will need to rest when we get back to where we landed, so I think we’ll rest up tonight and get what we need to stay in the ruins for a few days, and then we can climb back up in the morning. It will be good for us to do some meditation near the temple, as well,  _ Ben replies, mental voice confident but understandably weary. Rey doesn’t know if it makes it better or worse for the ex-Knight that he hadn’t gotten a chance to speak with his uncle, to try and explain himself or apologize or ask for forgiveness. More than likely, there would be time for all of that later, but knowing Ben he’ll brood and mull over what could have been said right up until they meet with Luke again, and there’s nothing Rey can do about it.

 

They make it back to the parked craft a few hours later, their descent slowed a little by the pain in Rey’s leg from the still-healing saber wound. Rey would have been able to keep up a faster pace, she’s sure of it, but Ben had insisted they slow down, and she supposed she couldn’t really play off that she was fine when the dark-haired man could feel her injury himself through their bond. She should probably count herself lucky he dropped it so quickly and didn’t try to pull something noble, like insisting he carry her on his back the rest of the way down.

Sighing in relief at the proximity of a bed she can promptly collapse onto, Rey limps up the ramp, waving off Ben when he offers his to help her walk. She knows she’s being a bit stubborn, it isn’t like she’s concerned about saving face in front of Ben or trying to impress him, but her fierce independence is a hard habit to shake. And really, it’s a habit she’d rather not ever do away with, even with the ex-Knight by her side. Once she’s in the ship, she makes a beeline for the quarters they’d been using and flops down backwards onto the bed, panting. 

Ben comes in a minute later, after Rey’s mostly caught her breath. He’s carrying a jar of bacta ointment from the first aid kit and shakes his head at her ruefully. “You’re a smart girl, Rey, so you must know that you run the risk of reinjuring something by being so damn stubborn, yet you continue to do it anyway,” he says, tone a mix of wry amusement and genuine concern as he tries not to give her too much of a hard time about it. Rey knows Ben still blames himself for her getting injured in the first place and he still feels the need to make it up to her somehow, so she doesn’t protest when he helps her strip down to her undergarments and gently spreads the bacta over the myriad of half-healed scrapes, cuts, and bruises, paying special attention to the deep wound right above one knee, now mostly scabbed over. 

“It’s a shame Luke couldn’t have picked somewhere a bit more --  _ accessible _ for his hermitage,” Rey says with a little huff of laughter as Ben finishes up his methodical first aid treatment. “Just thinking about making that climb again tomorrow is wearing me out.” 

“Rest up a bit, then we can get things packed. I want to be back up to the temple before midday tomorrow,” Ben says, bending down over her on the bed for a chaste kiss before heading out of the room. Rey turns over on her side and lets her eyes drift shut as she gingerly stretches her sore muscles. She lapses in and out of sleep for the next couple of hours, mind pleasantly lax and hazy as the tension and soreness fades out from her body.

She wakes up fully when Ben sits down on the bed next to her, his fingers gently carding through her hair and affection seeping freely from him to her over their bond as he coaxes her out of sleep. Once she’s up, they gather enough supplies for a full week -  _ just in case, _ Ben says - from the ship to bring with them in the morning, then eat and play a game of holochess on the board in the lounge. After the day they’d had, they decide to turn in early in hopes of getting a decent start in the morning, and Rey is grateful for one last night in a real bed before having to spend Force-knows how long sleeping on a lumpy bedroll in the temple ruins. Although in all honesty, she thinks with a grimace, it probably was a significant step up from her cot on Jakku, worn thin and infested with sand fleas. So really, she couldn’t complain. 

 

* * *

 

 

The next handful of days move by at a crawl as Ben tries not to let the dread that hovers over him sink into the pit of his stomach. He manages, but it’s a near thing. Time passes and they fall into a strangely stilted routine, too preoccupied with waiting to hear from Luke to settle into anything too comfortably. They sleep in one of the least drafty rooms of the temple, the stone floor hard under their pushed-together bedrolls but at least they stay dry and reasonably warm. Rey builds a firepit just outside the room where they sleep, and there they lean against the stones of the temple while they scarf down ration packs and warm their feet.

Ben can’t imagine why it’s taking his uncle so long to make up his mind, and he isn’t sure how he should interpret the fact that it apparently wasn’t as easy of a decision as Ben had hoped it might be. To the ex-Knight, it seemed simple - either Luke would make up his mind that his nephew couldn’t be trusted and would swifty ask he and Rey to leave Ahch-To, or he would feel the same  _ rightness  _ that Ben and Rey felt about training with the last Jedi and quickly extend his offer to teach them. What was the point in making them wait around endlessly, on pins and needles, when there were really only two options to choose between?

It seemed straightforward in principle - but knowing Luke, he would feel the need to meditate on the decision until there wasn’t a single lingering doubt left in his mind about whether or not he was going down the right path. It was better that way, really - then Luke could commit himself to their training wholeheartedly without any reservations about the validity of his decision. The waiting felt more intolerable every day, though; patience has never been Ben Solo’s strong suit. The ex-Knight tries to keep his mind clear, to let his anger and frustration over Luke’s indecision wash away before it has a chance to build up inside of him. He can’t be sure, but he thinks that his uncle will be keeping a very close watch on them through the Force during his meditation, looking inside Ben for any lingering proclivities to the dark. Unfortunately, Luke would most likely be able to sense their recent use of the dark side - whether or not it would sway his decision, Ben can’t say. He isn’t sure how the idea of training as gray Jedi might go over with Luke, and it makes he and Rey both nervous knowing how they had used both sides of the Force freely and honestly wanted to continue to do so. 

Ultimately, there was nothing he or Rey could do about the situation. To keep the waiting from gnawing away at them, Ben and Rey spend the majority of their time training, the Force flowing smooth and easy in and around the temple making their focus clear and sharp.

With little else to do but train, meditate, and brood, he and Rey also take some time to explore the small island.  Luke seems to have a do-not-disturb radius thrown up around him at all times, because Ben quite clearly knows which areas to steer clear of even though he can’t pinpoint exactly where the Jedi is. Unsurprisingly, he’s also unable to pick up even the barest hint of his uncle’s emotions, despite how familiar his Force signature is to Ben. Again, it’s probably all for the best, but that doesn’t make it any easier for Ben to deal with. Besides the zone his uncle has blocked them off from, they wander through the temple and the few squat surrounding buildings freely, observing the strange symbols carved into the stones and the odd hum that pulsates from the walls, like a presence left behind from the first Jedi who had built the place. 

When they need some space away from each other, Ben ventures into one of the temple’s remotest corners to collect his thoughts. He’d stumbled on the high-ceilinged room during one of his and Rey’s early explorations, and something about the place resonated tranquility to him. They don’t go off on their own often, but when Ben does he always returns here, several windows high on the wall letting the breeze and daylight wash in as he settles down with his back against the cold stones. For her part, Rey seems to enjoy sitting near the cliffs, legs dangling off the edge even after Ben chides her gently and reminds her to be careful. She gives him her usual defiant smile and swings her legs into the open air, watching the waves crash on the rocks below and the seabirds swoop and bicker near the shore. He leaves her to her solitude, but even from his spot in the temple her presence is blindingly bright through their Force link. Ben senses how strange and surreal it still is for her to be surrounded by water after most of her life spent in a desert, but despite the unfamiliarity of it, something about the ocean puts her at ease.   

It’s the sixth day of their wait when they’re running through a series of strength training drills and something shifts abruptly. Ben and Rey both snap to attention suddenly, feeling an unmistakably strong pull through the Force, like a wordless summons. They look to each other, Rey’s eyes wide with surprise and a tinge of nervousness, but Ben pushes a wave of reassurance her way and leads them in the direction of the invisible tug. At least now they would  _ know _ , for better or worse. 

Ben can feel exactly where Luke is now, and he follows the pulse of his Force signature around the back of the temple ruins, to an area where they hadn’t ventured during their days-long wait. This had been the area that the Jedi had all but barricaded them out of, a buzz in Ben’s head telling him to keep their distance. He can make out some sort of hut about forty paces away, and it occurs to Ben that this must be Luke’s dwelling, and clearly this had been where he’d spent his time meditating over his decision.

The invisible thread leads them all the way to the door of the hut, made from the same stones that covered the island with patches of moss growing here and there on the outer walls. Rey steps around Ben and hesitates with her hand halfway to the wooden door to knock when they’re startled by a voice from inside, “please, come in.” 

Rey pushes the door open slowly, stepping into the surprisingly cozy hut. It’s simplistic but functional, a small fire burning in a fireplace, a low cot in one corner, and a woven mat on the opposite end where Luke sits, legs folded into a meditation pose. He motions the two of them to join him, and they sit hesitantly, the younger man holding his back nearly ramrod straight as he sinks to the floor. 

Ben is the first to speak, clearing his throat softly. “You’ve come to a decision, then?”

Luke nods and gives the two of them a sheepish smile. “You won’t be happy to hear this, I fear, but my mind was made up four days ago,” he says, and Rey’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise as Ben tries to swallow down the frustration that flares up at his uncle’s words. “Think of it as your first test. I wanted to know you could wait things out without leaving or trying to come force an answer out of me.”

The dark-haired man sighs quietly, letting his anger out with his breath. This is the kind of thing Luke used to pull all the time, so honestly Ben shouldn’t even be that surprised. Rey speaks up hesitantly then, voice slow and measured as she asks, “so, have we passed the test?”

“You have, indeed. We can begin your training this evening,” he says, face serious but the hint of a bittersweet smile tugging at the corner of his eyes. 

Relief rushes warm and heavy through Ben at his uncle’s words, and he feels like an incredible weight has been lifted off him, one he’d been carrying with him since they made the decision to come to Ahch-To. Before he can stop himself, words are rushing out of his mouth unbidden. “ _ Thank you _ , Luke, I don’t know how you found it in yourself to forgive me, but --”

Luke cuts him off with a sharp look and a raised eyebrow. “I didn’t say anything about you being forgiven, Ben. We both know it isn’t that simple,” he says, and when Ben opens his mouth to apologize, the older man shakes his head at him. “This isn’t just about any one of us individually, it’s greater than that, and that’s why I needed the Force to guide me in the decision. I can feel you’ve changed, and I always knew there was a spark of light in you that even Snoke couldn’t put out, but don’t expect me to move on when you murdered my students and destroyed the academy I worked so hard to build.”

Ben hangs his head guilty, nothing left for him to say as an all too familiar wave of self-loathing washes over him. The ex-Knight hesitantly looks up to meet his uncle’s eyes as the older man continues speaking. “Every Force-user faces temptation to the dark side, and some are more well-equipped to face it than others. I don’t excuse your actions by any means, but I have come to realize that I’m not entirely blameless in what happened to you. I should have seen what was happening, how Snoke had dug his claws into you, and tried to intervene. Your parents should have been around for you more often, and they should have taken the things you told them as the deadly serious warning signs they were and not dismissed them as a child’s silly imaginings,” Luke says with a sigh, his own eyes holding no small measure of guilt now. 

“Again, none of this makes anything you did acceptable in any way. You could have tried to leave the Knights of Ren at any time -- but you know this, I’ve felt the remorse you carry with you. I just want you to be aware that those are some of the reasons I didn’t turn you away when I sensed you both were coming for me here.” Luke pauses then, a gentle sigh escaping past his lips as he hesitates for a few heartbeats. “I think part of me always held out hope I’d have my nephew back someday, too,” he finishes, reaching his flesh-and-blood hand out to Ben in a gesture of goodwill. The younger man leans forward and takes the hand in his grip without hesitation, a sign of the peace forged between them now.  

The older man turns to Rey once he slips his hand from Ben’s. “So, first I’d like to hear a bit about what the two of you are expecting from me as your teacher. Clearly you’ve been training on your own, and I couldn’t help but pick up on the fact that your methods have been a little... well, dangerously unorthodox.”

“We don’t think it’s wise to take the path of either the Jedi or the Sith if we want to be successful in defeating Snoke. Ben and I have done some research on the Je'daii Order and gray Jedi, and we think we’ll have the best chance of success if we tap into both sides of our strength through the Force,” Rey informs him, her voice coming out more confident than she feels based on what Ben can sense through their bond.

The tall man chimes in hesitantly as well, “You also know that Rey and I are partners, and that isn’t something we’re willing to negotiate on. I know the Jedi Order forbids attachment of that sort, but I won’t give up what we have just for the sake of following some antiquated rule.”

“It’s good that I won’t expect you to, then. There is no Jedi Order anymore, and I don’t plan on trying to raise it up from the ashes another time around,” Luke asserts, voice firm. Ben realises this must have been a conclusion he had come to accept long ago, and he feels another rush of remorse that his betrayal had been the final nail in the coffin for his uncle’s dreams of resurrecting the Order. Thankfully for Ben, Luke doesn’t seem to want to dwell on the past any more than he does, and the conversation veers away from any discussion of the past as Luke asks them more about their research and the types of things they had been doing to train back on D’Qar.

They end up discussing the future of their training late into the night, and Ben is more than surprised at how readily Luke accepts the idea of utilizing both sides of the Force. The older man seems to have spent a lot of time during his years of isolation thinking about where the previous Order had gone wrong, and how the next generation of Force-users could be better prepared against the kind of disaster that seemed to happen again and again with the Jedi when the lure of the dark side became too strong. Luke’s resilience astonishes Ben, truthfully. Although his uncle lacks the spark of enthusiasm Ben remembers from his time as a Padawan and something in his eyes seems to have permanently dimmed, the man is still willing to come out of his self-imposed exile to train his nephew and Rey.

As the ex-Knight had predicted, his uncle and his partner get along incredibly well and Ben can already feel how much Rey looks up to Luke as her tutor. Rey is positively thrumming with anticipation as Luke discusses the kind of things he’ll teach them and the high expectations he has for the young woman, considering how far her skills had progressed with only a handful of months’ work. Something like hope slowly flickers back into the older man’s eyes, and Ben is beyond grateful his uncle seems to have recovered his sense of purpose again. 

As for Ben and his uncle, the younger man has a feeling he and Luke will be walking on eggshells around each other for awhile yet; it isn’t that he thinks the Jedi distrusts him, exactly, but it would be undeniably hard to move beyond something so monumental even if it was over a decade in the past. Ben is already afraid he might do or say something to upset the still fragile-seeming understanding they’ve just established. It will take time for things to smooth over, and knowing Luke there will probably be paired meditation and lots of lengthy and deep conversations to facilitate the healing of their relationship. Truthfully, Ben’s willing to do whatever he needs to in order to show his commitment to making things as right as they can ever be between him and his uncle. 

It’s near midnight when Ben and Rey finally leave Luke’s hut to return to their bedrolls on the temple floor, Ahch-To’s silvery pale moon casting an eerie light over the ancient stones. The dark-haired man stifles a yawn as he changes into a sleep shirt and pants and settles on top of his bedroll. It’s a warm night, and he doesn’t think he and Rey will need the roughspun blanket folded up in the corner tonight. 

Ben lies on his back and takes a deep breath while the events of the day replay themselves in his mind, everything slowly sinking in now that he has a chance to let it all process in his brain. He hears fabric rustling as Rey gets changed, then the pad of her bare feet across the stones as she walks over to their makeshift bed. She eases down next to him, rolling over until she’s half sprawled on top of his chest, one slender leg thrown over both of his. 

She leans up on her elbows to look at him, a smile nearly splitting her face in two. Ben quirks an eyebrow at her in question. “What?” he asks, unable to prevent a small grin coming over his face to mirror hers.

“We did it, Ben! We won over Luke,” she exclaims, eyes bright with excitement. 

The ex-Knight lets out a quiet rumbling laugh, shaking his head. “This is just the beginning though, love. We still have a long way to go,” he reminds her.

“I  _ know _ , just let me have my little moment of celebration here. The most important thing was getting him to agree to train us, and we’ve done that,” she points out, smile unfaltering as she delivers a playful shove to his shoulder. Ben nods and smiles back at her, wrapping his arms around her back and pulling her close to his chest. 

She’s right, they had made incredible progress today. Luke was going to train them, and not only that, but he had agreed that they should be training with both sides of the Force, that they could tread the line between dark and light successfully. Rey starts laughing again, her giggles vibrating against where her face is pressed to his chest, and Ben doesn’t hold back this time. 

Things are going to get tougher before they get any easier, they both know that with certainty - but right now, Ben doesn’t care because all he can think about is how sound of their mingled laughter bouncing off the temple walls might just be the sweetest thing he’s ever heard.  

 

* * *

 

 

Rey hadn’t really known what to expect when it came to what their daily life would be like on Ahch-To, training with Luke Skywalker; but she hadn’t ever imagined it would be like  _ this _ . If she had thought she had been learning quickly under Ben’s tutelage, now it was like she’s been thrown forwards at hyperspace speeds, suddenly and violently. She  _ loves  _ it.

The things she learns about the Force are incredible, the ways Luke teaches her to tap deeper into the well of power that flowed through her, and around her, and inside of her. He teaches her and Ben how to take full advantage of their bond, their minds blurring together as they spar until they feel like they’re moving as one single being. They would be unstoppable on the battlefield. If they use their newly learned synchronicity for certain other --  _ activities _ that night and most nights after that, well Rey supposes there was a good reason Luke had taught them the advanced Force-shielding techniques first.

Rey constructs her very own lightsaber, a grueling and lengthy process but one that leaves her feeling the proudest she’s ever been in her life. The first time she holds her saber, grungy, weak, and exhausted after five straight days of intensive meditation, she feels like she’s just given birth to the thing, it’s so connected with her mind and body. Twin cyan blades spring forth from the hilt, and she doesn’t think she’s ever beheld anything so simultaneously beautiful and  _ deadly _ . 

Ben rebuilds his own blade shortly thereafter, doing away with the flawed and cracked red crystal.  _ It’s a dark weapon, Ben, and it’s time you reforged the blade _ , Luke tells him before the dark-haired man leaves for another of the planet’s islands to complete his own saber forging process. He returns half a week later, stubble grown out and hair in disarray as immediately shows off his amethyst blade to Rey, emanating pride as she  _ ohs _ and  _ ahs _ over his new and improved weapon.  

Once they’re armed and their routine with Luke starts to settle in, she and Ben build their own stone hut. They construct it a respectable distance from Luke’s dwelling so everyone can enjoy some measure of privacy, although ultimately with the size of the island there’s not much that can be done in the way of personal space. They make do, and both are pleased to finally have a little space to call their own here, even if it is crude and meager. Rey starts a garden, much to her delight, planting and tending a wide variety of herbs and vegetables from the seeds they had brought with them from D’Qar, and tending it becomes one of her new favorite pastimes. 

Sadly, They aren’t able to make a visit back to the Resistance base for months, Luke and Leia both agreeing that it wasn’t safe for them to be traveling when the war was intensifying at a rapid pace. They make frequent calls from their ship’s radio, however, holding long conversations with Ben’s family as well as Finn and Poe about how their training is progressing and how things are going back at the base. Rey finds herself growing even more eager to get this whole mess finished just so that she can see her friends again.

Things on Ahch-To are different, and Rey can’t help but feel like they’re all in some sort of limbo while they wait for the war to end - or, more precisely, for she and Ben to end the war. They swap intel, make plans, and after some thorough digging Luke and his nephew think they’ve managed to narrow down Snoke’s location to two or three very strong possibilities. Rey doesn’t know if she can ever be ready to fight against her partner's former Master, the man that had twisted Ben into a monster, but when she does finally come face to face with him, she intends to make him answer for what he did to Ben Solo. In a slightly twisted way, she finds herself looking forward to the confrontation.

Until then, they do what they can to prepare themselves for the inevitable fight that will set the galaxy free from the tyranny of the First Order, and try to take care of themselves as much as possible in the meantime.

Luke gives them plenty of breaks, apparently a firm believer in not pushing them so hard they become useless if there’s ever a surprise attack. The do a little exploring of the island-covered planet, venturing to nearby land masses in their transport craft. There’s nothing overly exciting to be seen, but the change of view is nice and Rey enjoys the long hikes she takes with Ben. 

It’s on one of these treks, when they’ve reached the highest point of the island and the sea stretches around them in a breathtaking panorama, that Ben goes to one knee before Rey, pulling a small box from his pocket. Rey’s confused at first, unaccustomed to human courtship traditions, and she laughs and Ben and asks what he’s doing until he explains it to her through grit teeth, his face coloring bright red with embarrassment. Then it’s the ex-scavenger’s turn to feel silly, and she drops to her knees in front of him, taking the ring and promising  _ yes, yes, of course I’ll marry you, Ben _ , as she captures his lips with her own.

They tell Han and Leia the next day over the ship’s radio, and Ben’s parents immediately call in what sounds to be half the base so they can repeat the news. The crowd’s cheers are deafening, even over the radio, and Ben ends up wiping the happy tears from Rey’s eyes as he holds her and they listen to the congratulations of their friends, family, and comrades. They don’t set a date or make any concrete plans, because although no one wants to voice it, they’re too afraid of what the outcome out of their impending fight with Snoke might be. It still makes Rey giddy to play with the ring around her finger, and it sends a shiver of contentment through her whenever she hears Kylo refer to her as  _ my future wife _ . They can’t be sure of a lot of things with the war raging through the galaxy around them, but Rey and Ben know that at least in  _ this _ , their devotion to each other, they can be certain.

Sometimes, when Rey meditates, she envisions the future. It’s a distant, blurry, and ever-changing thing. Ben and Luke tell her it could be Farseeing, that she might be gleaming pieces of what could lie ahead, but Rey can’t ever be sure. Things are nebulous, and every time she looks there seems to be small details that have shifted and morphed - but the larger details seem to remain the same each time she manages to catch a glimpse through the fog. 

In her mind’s eye, she sees a temple on a lush rainforest planet, ancient ruins restored and teeming with lifeforms after countless centuries of desertion. She and Ben are there, a few more lines on their faces and a few streaks of gray interspersed Ben’s hair. They’re dressed in simple grey robes with sabers hanging from belts around their hips, stances proud but at ease. Even through the vision she can sense the power and depth of the bond flowing through and between them, their love and devotion to each other a palpable thing. They appear to be teaching something to a group of young Force-sensitive beings; a pair of twins, tall and graceful with matching cascades of dark brown curls, are among the group. Their faces are stoic with concentration as they follow along with the lesson, and something about the set of their eyes and the curve of their noses makes her mentally double-take.

Rey somehow knows them immediately when she stops to take a closer look, even though she knows with certainty they haven’t been born yet. She can already sense both have inherited the strength with the Force that runs through their family, a swirl of both dark and light pulsing through them. It’s strange how attached she already feels to two beings that don’t even exist yet - and really, might never exist - but instinctively she knows how much she and Ben will love their two children, how much joy they will take from teaching them in the Force and watching them grow to wield it and take their places in the new Order that she and Ben have apparently created. 

Lying in bed one night, huddled together in the little crude stone dwelling they call home on Ach-to, Rey shares with Ben the vision of their shared future, of their twins, of the Order they build and lead together. She lifts a hand to his temple gently, pushing the jumble of images into his mind as he lets out a soft gasp of surprise. A surge of love for her and for the family they’ll one day have floods the bond, and Ben captures her lips with his own. He whispers  _ I love you, Rey _ against her lips again and again as he rolls her under him and they give themselves to each other completely, chasing away the damp chill of the watery planet and letting their Force link flare and roar between them. 

Rey’s glimpse into the future - or what the future  _ could  _ be - gives them a tangible hope. That taste of their potential gives her and Ben even more of a reason to fight than before, a renewed surge of strength to do whatever it is they need to in order to wipe the slate clean and start over, to achieve balance in the Force.

Both know, with the certainty that comes from the deep bond they share, that the path ahead of them won’t be easy. It’s neither the path of the Jedi or of the Sith, but something else new and different entirely. With Luke as their teacher and ally, neither Ben nor Rey are prepared to back down until they’ve dismantled what’s left of the Knights of Ren, the last holdover from the Sith order, just as they’ve dismantled the last remnants of the Jedi Order. From the ashes of both, perhaps something new can be built - a single order that is self-balancing instead of the polar opposites of the Jedi and Sith. 

It is a way to finally bring peace between the two sides - dark and light had once seemed so different from each other, but the more they learn the more it becomes obvious that the two parts were inseparably intertwined and each was as necessary as the other. 

The galaxy is changing, shifting - but ultimately and in all things the Force seeks balance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... and there you have it, the last chapter of Escape and Redemption!   
>  I sincerely hope you enjoyed the story, and appreciate every one of you that took the time to read, leave kudos, or comment. Thanks so much for taking this ride with me! <3

**Author's Note:**

> as always, I'd love it if you stopped by and said hi on my [tumblr](http://mster70.tumblr.com), we can geek out about Star Wars together, it'll be great.


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